Sputnik Music Forums - View Single Post - Challenge 96

ATC · 10-15-2005, 09:29 PM

*clap*

silenceevolves - 3This has a lot of potential. Ideas go unexplored sometimes but its pretty good. ps: what is adumbration? I refuse to feel stupid for not knowing that.
Dancin’ Man - 2. This is your best in quite awhile. The industrial feel is captured quite well.
A Perfect Sonnet -5. I'm torn between genuinely loving some of this and hating other parts.
Lowridenn -11. Didn't quite jump out at me though its not a bad job at all. Just seemed like a collage of a lot of songs.
xKONRADx - 8. I like the puns and the catchiness in this though as words on a page, the repitition was too immediate.
RunAmokRampant - 6. You really must experiment with line length a little more. On first read, its hard to get through your work though I end up liking it after.
Broken String- 13. I don't doubt it working musically, but the lyrics feel like an afterthought. Also, the phrase public enemy is jarring to me.
Disco Dragon -4. Overrhymed in parts. Decent otherwise.
TojesDoLan- 12. You need to focus. You're reaching on this one. Also, not every line must be a sentence by itself. Taking out 'to' and 'and' and similar words is allowed if it helps flow.
Crimsonpunk - 14. You wrote a mediocre song and had the gall to announce it as a 15 minute attempt. Self-deprecation or arrogance, whatever it may be, it makes me judge you harshly. The imagery is hackneyed and the theme has been explored far too much in any case.
ATC - L'etat. C'est moi.
ITRIEDVOODOOONCE - 10. I shall get back to you. This score subject to change.
StuP - 9. This, again, has potential. I'd like this a lot more without stanza 2.
LeeRoberts - 7. I like the simple connection I can feel with this.
Benjamin Lee South - 1. The title isn't all that. However, the poem is awesome. A wee bit of tightening and it's magical.

10-15-2005, 09:29 PM	#11
ATC Thru leaves,over bridges Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Vancouver, BC Posts: 6,731	clap silenceevolves - 3This has a lot of potential. Ideas go unexplored sometimes but its pretty good. ps: what is adumbration? I refuse to feel stupid for not knowing that. Dancin’ Man - 2. This is your best in quite awhile. The industrial feel is captured quite well. A Perfect Sonnet -5. I'm torn between genuinely loving some of this and hating other parts. Lowridenn -11. Didn't quite jump out at me though its not a bad job at all. Just seemed like a collage of a lot of songs. xKONRADx - 8. I like the puns and the catchiness in this though as words on a page, the repitition was too immediate. RunAmokRampant - 6. You really must experiment with line length a little more. On first read, its hard to get through your work though I end up liking it after. Broken String- 13. I don't doubt it working musically, but the lyrics feel like an afterthought. Also, the phrase public enemy is jarring to me. Disco Dragon -4. Overrhymed in parts. Decent otherwise. TojesDoLan- 12. You need to focus. You're reaching on this one. Also, not every line must be a sentence by itself. Taking out 'to' and 'and' and similar words is allowed if it helps flow. Crimsonpunk - 14. You wrote a mediocre song and had the gall to announce it as a 15 minute attempt. Self-deprecation or arrogance, whatever it may be, it makes me judge you harshly. The imagery is hackneyed and the theme has been explored far too much in any case. ATC - L'etat. C'est moi. ITRIEDVOODOOONCE - 10. I shall get back to you. This score subject to change. StuP - 9. This, again, has potential. I'd like this a lot more without stanza 2. LeeRoberts - 7. I like the simple connection I can feel with this. Benjamin Lee South - 1. The title isn't all that. However, the poem is awesome. A wee bit of tightening and it's magical. Last edited by ATC; 10-20-2005 at 08:21 PM.