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Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-14-2007, 02:21 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 325
Posted By Lowridenn
Thank you, bowl of oranges, the kind words are...

Thank you, bowl of oranges, the kind words are nice to hear. Sorry I haven't posted on your piece yet, I've read it a few times, I'm just working on what I want to say...
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-10-2007, 09:25 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 325
Posted By Lowridenn
I appreciate the crit. The repetition of...

I appreciate the crit. The repetition of believing is completely intentional, and works (I suppose, based on how it's read).

The coffee aroma can be arrogant. It represents the woman (presumably...
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-06-2007, 09:31 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 325
Posted By Lowridenn
A Night Out at McMenamins

Early morning;
Seven oh seven.
The taste of tangerine lip-gloss still lingers on my tongue
And the make-up stains on my pillowcase remain.
The arrogant aroma of coffee and toast insists...
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-06-2007, 09:27 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 370
Posted By Lowridenn
He was a back stabber the kinda man who hit...

He was a
back stabber
the kinda man
who hit his children and then
smile at the ball games

^^I believe that smile should be smiled. Reasonable opening, sets the mood, and introduces the...
Forum: Lyrical Challenges 09-24-2006, 02:40 AM
Replies: 11
Views: 1,028
Posted By Lowridenn
sketchyjoe TojesDoLan slack jurialmunkey ...

sketchyjoe
TojesDoLan
slack
jurialmunkey
Surf
Linsey
Lowridenn
TheBigMachine
RunAmokRampant
k.s.e.
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 09-21-2006, 08:17 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 468
Posted By Lowridenn
Oh, Sloth, how I always appreciate your kind...

Oh, Sloth, how I always appreciate your kind words.
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 09-18-2006, 10:58 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 468
Posted By Lowridenn
Bumit it like it's hot.

Bumit it like it's hot.
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 09-18-2006, 01:52 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 435
Posted By Lowridenn
First off, the three long lines can be broken up...

First off, the three long lines can be broken up for a better effect. Line breaks are your friend. Next, the story needs to be developed better. The narrator did something bad, but we don't have any...
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 09-18-2006, 01:39 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 444
Posted By Lowridenn
I don't have anything new to add, other than the...

I don't have anything new to add, other than the story told is an interesting one, and held my attention for a couple of re-reads. The vocabulary is fine except for chassis, as pointed out, it seems...
Forum: Lyrical Challenges 09-16-2006, 05:06 AM
Replies: 40
Views: 2,360
Posted By Lowridenn
Johnny Quest thinks we're sellouts.

Johnny Quest thinks we're sellouts.
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 09-16-2006, 05:04 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 468
Posted By Lowridenn
The repetition of believing is working (the way...

The repetition of believing is working (the way that it is read in my mind) perfectly, and conveys exactly the meaning I wish it too. The title is supposed to help interpretation of the piece, so I...
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 09-15-2006, 12:17 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 468
Posted By Lowridenn
Meditation on Religion: A Journey to Self-awareness

It was a condiment tray of still-frames
and lead paints that lead me me to this place.
But it's only a time before this caffeine
fix fails and sobriety thrusts me back to reality.
The swirling...
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 09-15-2006, 12:13 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 316
Posted By Lowridenn
I think the first line is fine the way it is, the...

I think the first line is fine the way it is, the "with" is fine. I'm so glad that you added the first stanza again at the end of the piece. Nice way to reiterate your point. Overall I think the...
Forum: Lyrical Challenges 09-13-2006, 09:27 PM
Replies: 16
Views: 1,294
Posted By Lowridenn
Meditation on Religion: A Journey to Self-awareness

It was a condiment tray of still-frames
and lead paints that lead me me to this place.
But it's only a time before this caffeine
fix fails and sobreity thrusts me back to reality.
The swirling...
Forum: Lyrical Challenges 08-20-2006, 08:40 PM
Replies: 35
Views: 1,777
Posted By Lowridenn
Surf, I would suggest reading the rules thread...

Surf, I would suggest reading the rules thread and voting correctly, otherwise your votes wont count.
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 08-09-2006, 02:37 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 643
Posted By Lowridenn
I find this to be rather refreshing. The line...

I find this to be rather refreshing. The line breaks are well placed and used, the flow of thought works well. The imagery is simple yet elegant. I did not see the early version of this, so I can't...
Forum: Lyrical Challenges 08-06-2006, 02:45 PM
Replies: 34
Views: 1,194
Posted By Lowridenn
Sketchyjoe 1 2 [2] - 1.5 guitar is life 1992 3...

Sketchyjoe 1 2 [2] - 1.5
guitar is life 1992 3 3 3 [4] - DQ
Subtledagger 1 1 [3] - 1
RunamokRampant 1 2 [2] - 1.5

Congrats subtle, now, let us move on.
Forum: Lyrical Challenges 08-02-2006, 03:52 PM
Replies: 34
Views: 1,194
Posted By Lowridenn
Yes, yes you are. (=

Yes, yes you are. (=
Forum: Lyrical Challenges 07-09-2006, 03:47 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 891
Posted By Lowridenn
1 jurialmunkey 2 sketchyjoe 7 DrunkRock 3...

1 jurialmunkey
2 sketchyjoe
7 DrunkRock
3 Ducky_72
4 slack
5 burton.and.gas
6 burner
X Lowridenn

Seems the aussie will win again.
Forum: Lyrical Challenges 07-06-2006, 03:43 AM
Replies: 40
Views: 1,387
Posted By Lowridenn
The server has been down for a while too. Making...

The server has been down for a while too. Making things more difficult.
Forum: Lyrical Challenges 07-03-2006, 12:56 AM
Replies: 40
Views: 1,387
Posted By Lowridenn
Like three days ago.

Like three days ago.
Forum: Lyrical Challenges 06-30-2006, 04:40 AM
Replies: 14
Views: 1,302
Posted By Lowridenn
Slipping in under the wire. - Suddenly I...

Slipping in under the wire.


- Suddenly I couldn’t see the lights anymore. -
Seven fifty-five:
Early morning.

Sirens scream solitude as you are rushed
Away from me. Flashing red blurred
In...
Forum: Lyrical Challenges 06-26-2006, 03:26 AM
Replies: 40
Views: 1,387
Posted By Lowridenn
Can we just call fashion emo fo-mo, like the...

Can we just call fashion emo fo-mo, like the fashion hawk got shortened to fo-hawk?
Forum: Lyrical Challenges 06-22-2006, 05:56 PM
Replies: 67
Views: 2,756
Posted By Lowridenn
Read the rules, sketchy is right, you did not...

Read the rules, sketchy is right, you did not vote correctly.
Forum: Lyrical Challenges 06-22-2006, 12:15 PM
Replies: 67
Views: 2,756
Posted By Lowridenn
RunAmokRampant 2 3 5 5 [7] / 3.75 sketchyjoe 3...

RunAmokRampant 2 3 5 5 [7] / 3.75
sketchyjoe 3 4 6 6 [8] / 4.75
burton.and.gas 4 6 7 7 [9] / 6
Disco Donkey 1 3 5 5 [6] / 3.5
Lowridenn 1 2 2 3 [6] / 2
pixiesfanyo 1 1 2 2 [3] / 1.5

DQ -...
Showing results 1 to 25 of 189

 
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