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Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-16-2009, 02:35 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 237
Posted By camdizzle
Thank You?

They
Told you a mind
Was a terrible thing to
Waste.
So you left nothing,
Not even a speck
For the hungry birds
To pick at.
Should I thank you?
For leaving nothing
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-14-2009, 09:11 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 398
Posted By camdizzle
That definitely changes the way I read them. I...

That definitely changes the way I read them. I originally thought it was one poem entitled "a couple," but they make a lot more sense now. I really like the rhythm of the first one but the second...
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-14-2009, 08:56 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 252
Posted By camdizzle
It's funny because that was originally a typo,...

It's funny because that was originally a typo, but I decided to keep it for that reason
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-14-2009, 08:54 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 398
Posted By camdizzle
I like 'em. Are they supposed to be connected?

I like 'em. Are they supposed to be connected?
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-14-2009, 08:43 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 252
Posted By camdizzle
Exposed

I am exposed.
Destroyed by a misery beset by
The smallest pinprick of Doubt,
Opening a space in an otherwise
Impenetrable armor. Wider with
Each step, weathered and worn,
Unraveled to rags...
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-14-2009, 08:42 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 684
Posted By camdizzle
Not bad, but a bit unfocused. You have some...

Not bad, but a bit unfocused. You have some great lines/stanzas in there, but they end up getting lost in more cliche lines or contradicting imagery later on. In some spots it's like you're...
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-14-2009, 08:18 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 412
Posted By camdizzle
It starts pretty boring, and I was afraid this...

It starts pretty boring, and I was afraid this was going to turn out shallow and unimpressive, but I ended up really liking it. I say this because you're structure and introduction of the metaphors...
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-18-2008, 03:37 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 411
Posted By camdizzle
I see your point, but I think you're taking it a...

I see your point, but I think you're taking it a bit too seriously. If you want it in serious terms, the "SHUT THE **** UP..." line is a sever contrast to the beauty outside. My mood vs. thiers. My...
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-13-2008, 02:53 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 441
Posted By camdizzle
I laughed, I cried... beautiful

I laughed, I cried... beautiful
Forum: Alternative & Indie 01-11-2008, 05:33 PM
Replies: 35
Views: 1,286
Posted By camdizzle
For an ape with downs syndrome, sure

For an ape with downs syndrome, sure
Forum: Alternative & Indie 01-11-2008, 03:39 AM
Replies: 36
Views: 1,329
Posted By camdizzle
I'm not gonna lie, I didn't really get Strawberry...

I'm not gonna lie, I didn't really get Strawberry Jam
Forum: Alternative & Indie 01-11-2008, 03:38 AM
Replies: 122
Views: 3,609
Posted By camdizzle
Limp Bizkit- Nookie ...it was a...

Limp Bizkit- Nookie




...it was a very dark time in my life
Forum: Alternative & Indie 01-11-2008, 03:36 AM
Replies: 35
Views: 1,286
Posted By camdizzle
Top 5 Least Favorite Voices

Pretty self-explanatory

1. Tim Armstrong
2. Sammy Hagar
3. Axl Rose
4. Kim Gordon
5. Chris Carrabba
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-11-2008, 03:30 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 481
Posted By camdizzle
First of all, spell out your words because you...

First of all, spell out your words because you look like a god damn moron writing 'n e' help. Sorry to be harsh, but no one will take you seriously if you type like a 12 year old girl on instant...
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-11-2008, 03:26 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 411
Posted By camdizzle
Passion at Night

Outside, two lovers embrace.
Passion meets passion as their eyes close.
Unable to physically see, their senses are
Replaced by pure emotion and true
Fulfillment, as the human need for desire is...
Forum: Lyrical Challenges 01-11-2008, 03:23 AM
Replies: 12
Views: 990
Posted By camdizzle
lol bowl of oranges, you took that way to...

lol bowl of oranges, you took that way to seriously. It was supposed to be a joke.

Votes to come...
Forum: Alternative & Indie 01-09-2008, 01:08 AM
Replies: 24
Views: 969
Posted By camdizzle
http://www.keytarmusic.com/images/Magic_PtMugu84.G...

http://www.keytarmusic.com/images/Magic_PtMugu84.GIF


Also: http://www.keytarmusic.com/images/KeyWallStu.JPG
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-09-2008, 12:57 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 452
Posted By camdizzle
I like it. No criticism for now

I like it. No criticism for now
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-08-2008, 01:39 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 290
Posted By camdizzle
I saw "i love u" and stopped reading it. If you...

I saw "i love u" and stopped reading it. If you want to be taken seriously as a writer, at least spell out words like 'you.'

Edit:

That was pretty harsh, but seriously, man. Anyway, it's ok. ...
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-06-2008, 07:53 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 310
Posted By camdizzle
It's very well written. I just don't feel like...

It's very well written. I just don't feel like it said much
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-06-2008, 07:48 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 374
Posted By camdizzle
Tooooo much rhyming on the same '-ound' sound. ...

Tooooo much rhyming on the same '-ound' sound. It's nice to have a consistent rhyme pattern, but you rhyme '-ound' 7 and a half times (brown was close) in four lines. It looks ridiculous.

Other...
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-06-2008, 07:41 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 466
Posted By camdizzle
Try to find a different word for "fall" in the...

Try to find a different word for "fall" in the last stanza. You use it once every line and it takes away from its effect.

Other than that, it just isn't very developed. I like what you've done...
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-05-2008, 01:24 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 347
Posted By camdizzle
This isn't that long, and you still managed to...

This isn't that long, and you still managed to say "your thoughts go back to her," in basically the same way, three separate times. I understand that's the point of this, but I feel like you can say...
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-05-2008, 01:20 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 684
Posted By camdizzle
The structure is good. It's repetitive, but you...

The structure is good. It's repetitive, but you might be able to make it work. Your lines are what kill you.



all of these are just really... lame I guess. There isn't much depth when you...
Forum: Literature & Lyrics 01-05-2008, 01:15 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 281
Posted By camdizzle
I'm sure this is very personal. It's not bad,...

I'm sure this is very personal. It's not bad, but it's not very original. The whole "you helped me break my chains, now I'm free" thing has bee used so many times, it really doesn't have that...
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