inconsolable
pinch my nose right
b'tween my eyes i've broke down crying for the seventh time "hey man, there's a quiet room off to the side" "thanks, i just need to lie down" puffy red eyes brow furrowed blindly whimpering like a child jaw shaking voice unsteadily falling its way down into cracked and broken syllables punctuated by sobs |
this one's gonna make you a star
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lacrimology's selling point
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it was a novel jot in the middle of a bout of remorse of loss of someone i loved
i feel so far away from this now, the contrast strikes me as comic sugar, i had to google that how do you know a seemingly endless supply of hyper-specialized words |
some sort of unrealized long standing lineage of existence.
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[QUOTE=SugarCoatedSour;18904073]some sort of unrealized long standing lineage of existence.[/QUOTE]
lol |
wtf that wasnt funny
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found it funny
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no you didnt
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you didn't post this. Your persona did.
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nah that was straight up me
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eh, I don't think so. Maybe you should really [B]think[/B] about it and let me know after.
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says the dude who desperately wants to come off as the universe's third eye
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you missed the boat young one. Your response has taken too long; made to gestate in the bile trap you call your mind.
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Short but nice
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"puffy red eyes brow furrowed blindly whimpering like a child jaw shaking voice unsteadily falling its way down into cracked and broken syllables punctuated by sobs"
i really like this line. very stirring imagery |
Fuck oath man. I was kinda in that situation just today.
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'oath'?
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Aussie slang, sorry. Means fuck yeah basically
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Sweet. I like this looking back on it. I wrote it during the immediate aftermath of the breakup and during witbdrawal from opiate addiction, both of which had been a permanent fixture in my life for 2 years.
Thinking about converting this into lyrics. |
Only really the last line thing would need work for that, and even then not really
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I like it
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This rules! I don't know why but I don't like the words "punctuated by sobs." It seems too well thought out. I would like a little bit more rawness in the end. You are still killing it Kitsch. Keep it up!
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this thread is from august?!
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