Petrarch goes off his meds

[kitsch]

Unrequited feelings of loneliness
The grass is green and flowers bloom
My thoughts incubate in a skull-shaped womb,
threw it off the bridge wrapped tight in her dress

Have I really lost my head? I am blessed
to go marching bravely into my tomb
like it’s just another ignorant room.
Grass doesn’t sprout between the cracks unless

fifty miles downriver forensics
finds the yellow cloth wrapped and twisted tight
Tug, pull and drudge it up with all their might,
a brimming surprise for some thoughtless dick;
lines unwritten by the pen of the night
come spilling out and come spilling out quick!

[hismajestythepope]

i like

[kitsch]

thx much

[kitsch]

bump

[Mikedrummer]

Unrequited feelings of loneliness
The grass is green and flowers bloom
My thoughts incubate in a skull-shaped womb,
threw it off the bridge wrapped tight in her dress

Have I really lost my head? I am blessed
to go marching bravely into my tomb
like it’s just another ignorant room.
Grass doesn’t sprout between the cracks unless

fifty miles downriver forensics
finds the yellow cloth wrapped and twisted tight
Tug, pull and drudge it up with all their might,
a brimming surprise for some thoughtless dick;
lines unwritten by the pen of the night
come spilling out and come spilling out quick!

This is perfect, don't change a thing.

[rasputin]

i really like this, except when you use the word dick it comes as a bit of a surprise, and i'm not entirely sure if it's a good surprise or a bad surprise, but i did question it for a second

[kitsch]

i meant dick as in pejorative term for cop

[rasputin]

oh right, i didn't know that that was a term, all's good

[thickasabrick]

Not bad. Unfortunately I'm obsessed with Petrarch's Canzioniere so you have big shoes to fill.

It would have been more sonnet-like if you kept to a consistent rhythm.

Some of the lines are awkward on the tongue as well, such as line 9.

Also, referencing Petrarch in the title makes me assume your poem will be more like those of Petrarch. I can see some of the general allusions, but it would have been cooler if you stuck closer to his style. He must have really needed his meds!

[kitsch]

the mention of petrach is more of a heads up that its a variation of his sonnet form.

[(*The Noonward Race*)]

another ignorant room
doesnt quite make the flow to me, the idea/image works of course but idk it's not something somehow

cool poetry story