Corrugated

[Pop music sucks]

Transient on the corner
holds a cardboard cut-out sign
stranded
need money
heading home
hungry
god bless

Waiting for the light to change
Spare some change? Anything will do I don't mind
Lined up with others in this lane
everyone's the same
never look, never pay
A child not yet 8
rolled the window and rolled the change
The Drifter walked from his corner
to gather the quarters
the mother berates her child
"but mom he's hungry"
"I don't care
he could hurt us inside
that's why we don't give money to shits on the street"
Overheard this exchange he gave a faint smile
child replies likewise
but the mother locked the doors
glared at him telling the child, "No more"

The transient on the corner
Nickels, Dimes, Quarters?
holding a cardboard cut-out sign
and a cardboard cut-out smile
waits for change

[kitsch]

this is great. the positioning really helped this piece. my favorite part is the sign, where you bold at the top and decrease the size at the bottom.

i always give the guys standing there at least a five.

[TojesDolan]

great use of physical space to give this a nice feeling to it

as always, amazing creative ways to make it more meaningful

[Jeik]

I like it! The words were powerful, and painted a vivid picture in my mind, which really pulled me in. The statements really hit you and get you thinking too.

I'm not sure if it's just me being too picky, but during the beginning, it was difficult for me to get into the flow of the piece due to a little awkwardness. Mainly the use of the word "transient" kinda hung me up, possibly because it doesn't quite have an easily identifiable rhythm to it, and a little awkward word to pronounce in general. The word also feels out of place, like it doesn't fit with the theme. Even if you went with a word such as "bum," it might add a little more emphasis on the idea that they're viewed as a lower, almost barbaric citizen, which would increase the impact of the words.

The way you presented the piece, in terms of alignment and size of text, REALLY reminded me of Saul William's poem ", Said the Shotgun to the Head". Which is a good thing. It makes it feel as if you were reading it to me, with variations in voice intensities, and emphasis on choice words, which helps to pull me into the piece and get me interested. It also increases the feel of the piece, and makes it more powerful.

Overall I think you did a great job! Good, well written piece!

[kitsch]

lol 6 posts

[Pop music sucks]

Thank you sirs:)

If I didn't keep everything on my debit card I would give them a fiver:(

[Jeik]

lol 6 posts

Whoops haha. Sorry, internet problems. :eek:

[kitsch]

bump this for awesomeness

[Dragunn]

hmm, this is interesting, i msut say. while i personally do not like the topic (i dont really think all that highly of poors especially beggers), the lyrics are pretty good. you have a "flair" for lyrics obviously and talent, but the typing is pretentious and you should fix it.

[SuperDrummer96]

I hate Panhandles there the worst my dad said he got mugged once by a black one but my dad had a gun so the guy ran off.

[King of the Raptors]

The main problem with this one is that its just a thinly veiled propaganda piece. If you're going to do politics you should do it intelligently through debate and with a defensible position. Anyone can make a song or poem to try to make people feel sad for beggars but it takes intelligence to show people why they actually deserve to be poor because they don't want to work. Lol whatever I guess that's why I don't really do politics in my lyrics.

[Pop music sucks]

bump this for awesomenessThank you, sir:)

whys the text all weird?Playing around with formatting and "framing" the piece.

hmm, this is interesting, i msut say. while i personally do not like the topic (i dont really think all that highly of poors especially beggers), the lyrics are pretty good. you have a "flair" for lyrics obviously and talent, but the typing is pretentious and you should fix it.I don't think highly of beggers, either. Thank you, and shush, I am toying with align center and align right's:p

The main problem with this one is that its just a thinly veiled propaganda piece. If you're going to do politics you should do it intelligently through debate and with a defensible position. Anyone can make a song or poem to try to make people feel sad for beggars but it takes intelligence to show people why they actually deserve to be poor because they don't want to work. Lol whatever I guess that's why I don't really do politics in my lyrics.If you say so. This wasn't political at all. All I saw was a man standing on the corner of an interesection begging for anything he could get; food, $1's (or $5's). I had used the word transient to infer that possibly this man goes from intersection to intersection looking for "marks". If you are tying in Obama's running-slogan of "Change" with my poem, it is strictly coincidental. Please, turning "change of society" into "money change" is overdone and banal, it's not even witty. The change implied in this is simply money that people would leave for that begger and a change in scenery from the possibility of him either making it "home" or choosing another intersection to squat.

Lastly, I am apolitical. The uneducated elect representatives of government largely based on appearance and apathy. If someone has been a Senator for a long time, people tend to vote for them just because that person's been serving that position for 15 years+, that's apathetic. If someone is new and lobbying for a position, the more beautiful person is chosen, or charismatic that is vanity. Take for instance the 1960 elections. Nixon lost his slim leading edge to Kennedy when the Presidential Debates were nationally aired for the first time. Because it was the first time they were aired, millions of Americans had tuned in to see the First Televised Debates. In it, Nixon looked pale, sick, tired, and unkempt compared Kennedy's well-rested, strong, confident, and relaxed appearance. It's interesting to note that those that had seen the television broadcast thought Kennedy the winner. For those that had listened to the radio broadcast many thought Nixon the winner. The subsequent debates had no bearing on rebuilding a lead for Nixon as not a lot of people had bothered to watch the other debates.

I haven't done politics in my pieces either, it is futile to selfishly believe that those lyrics or stanzas can cause something to happen. The group that would heed those lyrics or stanzas are the minority of the minority. That is hardly enough people to cause something to happen.

If I were to create a political piece, I would announce thusly. If you actually read my other pieces, you can see they hinge upon the concept of love and everything tethered to it; regret, avoidance, ambivalence, disillusion, aspiration.

I would've thought that people would just take it as it is, a man begging for money and waiting for the situation he is in and become something successful.

[Calimethar]

I really like this one, but the way you typed it is in my eyes unneccesary, since we're dealing with lyrics here. It looks, as Dragunn already stated, too pretentious and only distracts the reader.

[hismajestythepope]

great use of physical space to give this a nice feeling to it

as always, amazing creative ways to make it more meaningful

this basically

[SuperDrummer96]

grossssss ^

[King of the Raptors]

Lol, sorry. it just sounded political to me but I definitely agree with you this country is full of gross sheeple who don't know anything about real politics just vote based on what they think is cool.

[iamtherobots]

grossssss ^

**** off

[SuperDrummer96]

that picture is grody for reel.

[iamtherobots]

you suck at the internet

[SuperDrummer96]

Obama only one since all the black people voted for him.

[einzweiveirfunf]

Obama only one since all the black people voted for him.

I beleive you mean "won"

[kitsch]

Obama only one since all the black people voted for him.

lol