Two hands in solemn judgement wring

[catharsis]

Two hands in solemn judgement wring,
Twisting so 'round solid thought
And bound in letter grades is law
All heaviness and lightness nought

Pleasantry found under guise
Of intentions thick and dead
Remembered then by prisoners gone
So slowly and so wrongly led

Leave now, leave
Before it's seen
With heat in air and soot in lung
In greyest sky a sun doth gleam
And in deepest wood, a trap is sprung

Begone you deepest premonitions
As leaves do fall and seas do break
Please now: gaurd my sacred heart
And never let your hands it take

Should eyes not see
Should breath not fall;
no longer I in purpose wait
With heart of gold, in purpose wait
With heart of gold and love of slate

[kitsch]

hell yes. this might be my favorite that youve written

[rasputin]

Leave now, leave
Before it's seen
With heat in air and soot in lung
In greyest sky a sun doth gleam
And in deepest wood, a trap is sprung
fantastic

[Aklerc]

This is excellent. Have to go to uni but will come back and have another read later.

[catharsis]

Giving this a shameless bump. Looking for some feedback from Popmusic or someone perhaps?

[Pop music sucks]

As with your other pieces, the meaning is both apparent and hidden, which is a good thing. I had a feeling of finding some sort of compromise between two people, society in general, and the things which shape an individual within that society, but with the emphasis placed on more beneficiality of you. I say "you" in the sense as the speaker of this piece. But it is not viewed as vanity in self-preservation, rather it is the fear of desolation because of the "nature" (social setting) they grew up in. Another interpretation would be of nature vs. nurture, in this it is trying to find some way out of that contest that would usually force submission from the "loser". That it is better to not hold up to strictly one standard, it is better to take against yourself, their self, and each person's background, and hopefully find a compromise, but with the pragmatism that it could not exactly work out as one would like.

[TojesDolan]

i tried to read it in otherwise the romantic approach but couldn't find a nice theme that this could fit in

it does have idiomatic intrincancies that disallow from making this purely "unromantic" to give it an adjective, but me trying to find always another way of viewing things, well

i don't have a clue

in terms of the writing itself even though it's well wrapped it does have a cute line break there that isn't a real line break but it changed the overall appearance of the piece which is good; alas the last line of the stanza makes it kind of meh for me

otherwise it's pretty