you look gorgeous today (oh thanks)

[catharsis]

(you look gorgeous today
oh thanks
laying by yourself
hallucinating)

Я не говорю по-русски.
Я не знаю.




the sky looks more like a map
than the Earth
and the ground is full of trash
and with people speaking exciting words

there is gold in some trees growing up and wide
but I can still see
through the hills
and into the hot dirt
and a red railing
broken in one spot

and it's an accident:
all these people on purpose
and I need sunglasses
to look up

quit smoking
quit the Earth
that litters
with blackened bricks
in a wall of red

sentries that watch from slim doorways
and birds checkering warm air
keep peace with the ground
and the bark looking like water
is coming down

I don't want to designate
you do that
I don't want
to recapitulate dead phrase
and dead praise

I don't like ants
and these grasses are stabbing me
but that was never the problem with the outdoors
I can let this paper fly
and let
the ants
carry it slowly away

I am hanging from a bridge
by my ankles and screaming

I am dense

[alain]

In my opinion it would be better if you skipped this:

nd it's an accident:
all these people on purpose
and I need sunglasses
to look up

quit smoking
I don't want to designate
you do that
I don't want
to recapitulate dead phrase
and dead praise

It's a good work

[kitsch]

yes yes yes yes


btw, alain, thats some of the best parts

[Littlejohn]

I am hanging from a bridge
by my ankles and screaming
I read this like "I am hanging from a bridge, and my ankles are screaming." I was blown away by the line, and now that I know what it really says it's only good.

Your imagery is incredible though:
"into the hot dirt," "birds checkered the warm air," "bark looking like water..."

you're really talented. This piece could be published with ease. 9.5/10