Stems and Leaves

[Mikedrummer]

well we smashed the windows
so the glass falls on your head
and in your eyes
so maybe you'll think about us
for a little while
you cut yourself
in trying to find
a voice to hear
inside your mind
and hopefully one day
you'll see that not every sky
we look upon is grey

the jukebox by the window
plays on as you slip into your dress
the draft doesnt bother you
because you've sliced away at your nerves
and nothing gets through the curves
anymore
no.. nothing makes you feel anymore

you look in the mirror, but of course you cant see
because you've gouged out your eyes
with the stems and the leaves
so far down the only road
dressed in an autumn coloured robe

your tongue twists out, barks at me
you see what human eyes can't see

[rasputin]

your tongue twists out, barks at me
i really like that line

[Mikedrummer]

is that it though lol?

[kitsch]

i really like this

esp.
the jukebox by the window
plays on as you slip into your dress
the draft doesnt bother you
because you've sliced away at your nerves
and nothing gets through the curves
anymore
no.. nothing makes you feel anymore

it has a more poetic way of saying self mutilation other than cutting yourself with glass, like in the previous stanza. which, btw, the middle of the first stanza is the only weak part, i like the rest. these read like lyrics rather than a poem, i can really hear them being sung.

[rasputin]

is that it though lol?
nah the whole thing is good but i particularly liked that line

[Mikedrummer]

thanks doods!

[slack]

well we smashed the windows
so the glass fell on your head
and in your eyes
so maybe you'll think about us
for a little while
you cut yourself
in trying to find
a voice to hear
inside your mind
and hopefully one day
you'll see that not every sky
we look upon is grey

the jukebox by the window
plays on as you slip into your dress
the draft doesnt bother you
since you've sliced away at your nerves
and nothing gets through the curves anymore
no.. nothing makes you feel anymore

you look in the mirror, but of course you cant see
because you've gouged out your eyes
with the stems and the leaves
so far down the only road
dressed in an autumn coloured robe

your tongue twists out, barks at me
you see what human eyes can't see

cut the red, add the bold.

lots of great moments in this. i enjoyed reading it. kitsch already quoted the part i like most.