Someone write a short story about me

[iarescientists]

I think i fit the profile pretty well

[Transient]

or not

[Crapdragoon]

Dance floor Dale.



/

[CatfishJew]

iarescientist reminds me of ir baboon.

[TheNoonwardRace]

parisian goldfish

[iarescientists]

i r balloon

[CatfishJew]

http://web.ukonline.co.uk/peter.stensones/images/ir_baboon_sniff.gif

[sweboy]

OK here I wrote one:

One day iarescientists. The end.



U SAID SHORT LOL!

[adb]

lolzzzzzzzz

[sweboy]

not funny tbh

[iarescientists]

i give it a 3/109.7

[ridethelib]

one day iarescientists paid the troll toll, and got in the boy's hole. He has awarded 5,605 mx bucks. (So 1,000)

[iarescientists]

something i can read to my children plz

[SnackaryBinx]

I bought sham wow and suddenly, dicks everywhere.

[FatalLiquidation]

it'll have you saying wow everytime.

[Badmoon]

I Am Weasel!!!

[Surgicalgod]

ok done:

One hot evening in Padua they carried him up onto the roof and he could look out over the top of the town. There were chimney swifts in the sky. After a while it got dark and the searchlights came out. The others went down and took the bottles with them. He and iarescientists could hear them below on the balcony. iarescientists sat on the bed. he was cool and fresh in the hot night.

iarescientists stayed on night duty for three months. They were glad to let him. When they operated on him he prepared him for the operating table; and they had a joke about friend or enema. He went under the anaesthetic holding tight on to himself so he would not blab about anything during the silly, talky time. After he got on crutches he used to take the temperatures so iarescientists would not have to get up from the bed. There were only a few patients, and they all knew about it. They all liked iarescientists. As he walked back along the halls he thought of iarescientists in his bed.

Before he went back to the front they went into the Duomo and prayed. It was dim and quiet, and there were other people praying. They wanted to get married, but there was not enough time for the banns, and neither of them had birth certificates. They felt as though they were married, but they wanted everyone to know about it, and to make it so they could not lose it.

iarescientists wrote him many letters that he never got until after the armistice. Fifteen came in a bunch to the front and he sorted them by the dates and read them all straight through. They were all about the hospital, and how much he loved him and how it was impossible to get along without him and how terrible it was missing him at night.

After the armistice they agreed he should go home to get a job so they might be married. iarescientists would not come home until he had a good job and could come to New York to meet him. It was understood he would not drink, and he did not want to see his friends or anyone in the States. Only to get a job and be married. On the train from Padua to Milan they quarreled about him not being willing to come home at once. When they had to say good-bye, in the station at Milan, they kissed good-bye, but were not finihed with the quarrel. He felt sick about saying good-bye like that.

He went to America on a boat from Genoa. iarescientists went back to Pordonone to open a hospital. It was lonely and rainy there, and there was a battalion of arditi quartered in the town. Living in the muddy, rainy town in the winter, the major of the battalion made love to iarescientists, and he had never known Italians before, and finally wrote to the States that theirs had only been a boy and girl affair. he was sorry, and he knew he would probably not be able to understand, but might some day forgive him, and be grateful to him, and he expected, absolutely unexpectedly, to be married in the spring. he loved him as always, but he realized now it was only a boy and girl love. he hoped he would have a great career, and believed in him absolutely. He knew it was for the best.

The major did not marry him in the spring, or any other time. iarescientists never got an answer to the letter to Chicago about it. A short time after he contracted gonorrhea from a sales girl in a loop department store while riding in a taxicab through Lincoln Park.

[Badmoon]

Ima assume you didn't write that

[Surgicalgod]

why? idid

[iarescientists]

<333

[Mr. Ron]

Iarescientists’ head felt as though it had been cast into a foggy ocean, causing him to feel dizzy and off balanced; his stomach convulsing in sick knots of nausea. The revolver, the cold implement he used in his disturbing devices just a few moments ago, dangled mockingly in his pale, quaking hand. It had four out of six empty shell casings left in its cylinder. MONSTER! SCOUNDREL! You sick perverted dog! You deserve worse than them! How could you? Your own wife, your own childr… no! It was the only thing I could do! You had to put them to sleep, to save them from those blasphemes; those putrid creatures from the abyss of hell!

Thick streams of vomit poured from his mouth and out onto the wood paneled floor.

Brought now to his knees, iarescientists wept uncontrollably; coughing up phlegm and mucus in a dazed fury. He’d been a simple man for all of his days; lifelong owner of Iarescientists and Sons drug co., father of two daughters and one son, husband to his beloved Gloria; all of which were now dashed and broken; mere afterthoughts of some violent calamity. I have nothing! I’m a tireless beast! An embarrassment that must be put down for good!
The muffled cries and screams of the condemned from outside echoed softly into his drugstore.

“It’s almost like music.”

People were being chased down the cobble road in front of his business on the corner of Williams and Hutherby, where Harrington and Sons drug co. resided, and where iarescientists lived above it with his model British family. The year was 1902, the time was 6:30 AM, and the moment was surreal. People were crushing others underfoot, scrambling over belongings and some even sitting down in desperate prayer; pleading to their deity, accepting their grisly fate; most of which were the elderly, incapable of fleeing fast enough from the snapping jaws and their disgusting clawing hands.

“They haven’t found me out just yet.”

The front of his store, facing the corner, was thin plate glass; it was only a matter of time. One of “them” ran past with a terrible howl and bumped into the front entrance, leaving behind an offal of red and black liquid which slowly ran down the glass in a sick pattern of gore to which iarescientists equated to the branches of a crimson tree, splattered and ghastly. “God please no, no no no! No, there is no god here! ABANDONED!”

Weakly, he got back on his feet, wary stilts supporting the dying structure of a broken man. iarescientists stumbled almost drunkenly over to the crucifix on the finely wallpapered west wall of his store and tore it down from its nail. “HEAR ME CHRIST! Why have you left us!? Don’t leave me here to these, these things! I swear to you! I swear I will…I-I will….”

No reply. No help would come streaming out of the heavens for him and his family; for anyone. The damned were alive, being devoured by the deceased. iarescientists was officially alone. He flung the holy symbol across the room, shattering medicine bottles and scattering apothecary supplies across the front counter.

The chaotic din beyond the store’s front door was unceasing with a morbid fury.
Strong tremors coursed through his entire body, urging him to sit down. iarescientists shuffled impotently over to the staircase and flopped down on the dusty bottom step that led up to his above store apartment. He covered his face with his hands, hiding himself and pretending that when he took them away, this would all just be some fantasy; some twisted lamentation dreamed up by a psychopath that somehow found its way into this reality through some unknown path that crossed through iarescientists’ existence.

Turning his head sorrowfully to his left, he recognized with faint nostalgia the notches carved into the door frame where he marked each one of his children’s growth over the years, each one labeled with their respective names: Jonathan, Mary, and Abigail. He read each of the names slowly, knowing this was the last time he would ever read them again. He touched them with his clammy hand, tracing each of the letters lazily with his index; tears began to roll uncontrollably down his face and dripped on his dirty dress shirt. He had told them to stay in their beds when the “outbreak” occurred within the city. He didn’t think it would get this worse, surely the military would quarantine the infected and put down the walking dea…no! Even now iarescientists refused to believe that cadavers were walking down the streets, alleys and boulevards of his beautiful city; the very city he grew up and fathered a family in. BASTARDS! But yet, the screams, the terror he was now brutally afflicted with, the blood splatters on his pants; it all was maddening! By the time they reached the vicinity of his little shop, iarescientists knew it was too late to run. Running got you trampled, shot by nervous soldiers or worse, devoured by those disgusting necromantic horrors. He knew they all faced certain doom when they were seen in the streets by the thousands. No one could possibly stop such a number effectively in all of this panic and chaos.

iarescientists knew they would have to accept fate and wait it out. However, that was three days ago and their food was running low. iarescientists couldn’t bear the thought of his wife and children being eaten. Their tender bodies being ripped open savagely, with every ounce of life being drained out on the carpeting.

“I did what I had to do! Damn it they had to be shot! They would be so entirely terrified to see them! I wouldn’t let them turn into one of them! I did it for them!”

iarescientists drew himself up and looked around him with rage. All of this will be gone, just like everything else everyone ever knew. All of our past toils, hardships, loves, despairs, joys and tears were now being trampled upon and dismantled by things that everyone thought were distant illusions of madmen. Now, they were the harbingers of the future, a signal to all of mankind that his reign upon this planet was to end abruptly and gruesomely.

He watched helplessly as a young man was being chased down and grappled to the ground by three of the feral abominations. The young man’s eyes were wild and filled with tears, oceans of terror. Only the muffled shrieks of pain were audible through the glass, which stopped shortly when they tore into his windpipe with such savagery iarescientists was forced to think that human eyes had never laid their gaze upon such gore until that very second. They were now fighting over his head, which was now completely severed from his mangled body.

“Poor fellow.”

He was too tired, too filled with a grief that descended to his very core to feel any real sympathy anymore. All of those luxuries of the human mind were utterly useless now. iarescientists knew what came next, and yet he did not look upon it with fear, but as a merciful release that would be granted to him. The same merciful release he granted to his family of family.

“My beautiful wife, my beautiful children I…”

iarescientists turned mournfully, unable to piece together any semblance of a rational thought that made any sense. Slowly, he ascended the steep staircase that led to the upstairs apartment where he lived most of his life in with his family. It was a long hall more than anything, with four rooms on one side and two windows looking out onto the street that was now stained with red.
His daughter’s room was the first door he came upon, and with distinct apprehension he turned its glass doorknob, and opened it ever so quietly as if he still believed that he was going in to say: “Goodnight my loves, daddy will wake you in the morning for schooling. Sweet dreams little ones, sweet dreams.”

He saw them, lying pale and cold in their snow white night gowns he put on them after his murderous deed. They looked almost angelic in their complexions, save the small red holes located in the middle of their foreheads that marked their quick ends. Only Abigail, the youngest at thirteen years old, lacked the telling wound. iarescientists only grazed the right side of her head when he shot her to save his beloved daughter from a disgusting demise at the hands of those beasts. He was too nervous and emotional when he fired, and didn’t get a proper aim at her forehead. He shuddered in absolute nausea at the memory of his body over hers; the pillow in his hands, covering her small, beautiful face, her delicate hands clawing at his arms in futile attempts to pry him off in order to breath. He could still feel her fingernails digging into his hands and then slowly releasing when she had passed; phantom reminders of what a ghastly executioner he had transformed into. She looked at peace when he was finished, placid and asleep forever. It gave him a sort of sick comfort that he was the one to do it, and not them.

“Sweet dreams my loves; daddy will always be thinking of you and will see you soon.”

He Turned out of the room and carefully closed the door, mimicking an undertaker closing the iron gates to a damp mausoleum, it all felt so final. He shuffled down the hallway as if he was in a half-dream state, very aware of the revolver’s weight in his waistline. He put his hand on its wooden grip, feeling its texture and looking at it adoringly. As he progressed, he came upon a small table that he had placed in the middle of the hallway last year, crowded with family pictures and ornate doilies. iarescientists felt exhausted, as if a vampire had sucked all the energy out of him. He collapsed onto a small stool that sat next to the table, and propped his aching back against the wall.

[Mr. Ron]

iarescientists sat brooding in a cloud of gloomy silence, his head felt empty and heavy. He lifted the revolver from his lap and touched its cold surface, every touch felt surreal now. Half way into a nihilistic delirium, he couldn’t help but have morbid musings at how far his blood would spray down the hallway when he pulled the trigger.

A sudden noise that broke the eerie silence of his dark thoughts jostled him back into the moment. A sort of mechanical rattling sound at the end of the hallway pierced his brain, and with absolute disbelief iarescientists began to slowly turn his head towards the doorway he just left. When his bloodshot eyes fell upon the source of the noise, the glass door knob had turned, and the door had been slowly jarred open.

It was Abigail.

Faced with the most unyielding terror and the refusal to believe what his senses were telling him, iarescientists let out a wail of horror and sprang up off of his stool, knocking it over. He knew she was scratched on the leg by one of those horrors when they were fleeing from a group of them to get to the drug store for shelter, but how? Was it some disease spread by mere touch? Or perhaps something even more vile, something beyond our comprehension that spread the necromantic plague which was now spilling out its putrid spawn into the streets of London? None of these inquiries mattered, of course. It was far too late for iarescientists to entertain such useless trivia. What mattered now was the fact that his daughter that he smothered not two hours ago was now moving before him, staggering stiffly with blank, lifeless eyes that were glossed over by a feverish look of hunger.

Nnnuuurrggghhhh…mmnnnnaaahhhh….

“Please… go b-back to bed Abigail…please…” iarescientists’ voice wavered and failed; what was he to do? He couldn’t do it again to her, not again. However, he still felt his shaking hand slowly take hold of the revolver from the small table and cocked the hammer back. Perhaps it was just instinct taking over his depleting mental faculties. The delicate girl with the angelic complexion was now ceaselessly moving towards him in an awkward, stiff manner with her arms out; beckoning him to relieve her of her hunger. Her raven black hair dangled messily in front of her like a storm cloud.

“St-stay back! Abigail please! Do as I tell you! Damn it you were not supposed to see all of this!”

There was no hope, Abigail was gone. Nothing but a carnivorous abomination was now masquerading as his once beloved daughter. iarescientists backed away, unwilling to have another bullet from his weapon tear through his offspring’s body; it was too much for him to do again. As iarescientists backed away he felt his right foot get stuck in something, losing his balance, he plummeted backwards to the floor- the stool. His elbow cracked against the hardwood floor, causing him to accidentally fire the revolver. The sharp report the gun gave off was magnified by the close proximity of the walls in the hallway, making his ears ring with an intense buzz.

“Damn it, damn it, DAMN IT!”

What he did manage to hear through his throbbing ear drums was a great wail of several of the undead outside his shop that heard the gun shot. They now knew that there was yet one last warm body in the city, and where it was. iarescientists now had even less time than he had reckoned on earlier. Acting on pure adrenaline and fear that now coursed through every fiber of his weary body, iarescientists quickly scrambled away from his daughter, who missed him only by a few inches, fluids pouring from her nose and mouth splashing onto the spot where he had been laying with a sickening splatter.

He ran as fast as his aging body could carry him, burst through his own bedroom door, slammed it shut and locked it, his chest heaved heavily up and down with belabored wheezes from his gaping mouth. This room did not bring him solace either. His bedroom was the very tomb he laid his wife in when he laid her to eternal slumber. His eyes fell upon her still lovely figure, shapely and robust. iarescientists strode tiredly across the wide expanse between the door and his bed where his silent maiden lay. He heard them shatter the front shop window. Their moaning and shrieks rose through his floorboards, while Abigail clawed at the door.

Sitting by his wife’s side, he stroked her pale hand and gazed upon her wedding ring, reminiscing about how he proposed to her at dinner, on that cold January night. Tears began to roll down his cheeks once more. He got up again to break away from the memory. Staggering over to the Gramophone, he put the needle down on Mozart’s Concerto No.14, taking in the only beautiful sounds he heard all day. The tones and notes mixed strangely with the ringing that was still ravishing his ears. iarescientists stood in front of his window for a while listening to the melodies floating around in the room, gazing outside his bedroom window that overlooked a vista of England. It was getting rather dark out, and multiple fires were raging across the city. The blazes were hollowing out entire buildings, making them look like terrifying, charred leviathans against the smoke and embers rising up towards the sky. He could still hear the emergency sirens endlessly screeching across the city like banshees, coupled with the moans and guttural sounds of the wretches blow. They were now finding their way up the stairs and to his door, beating on it with abnormal ferocity. Their infernal moaning echoed through the door.

“One moment you bastards, you can have me in a second. Be patient.”
Taking a seat near the window, iarescientists stared out of it for a little while longer; thinking the scenery in front of him was rather beautiful mixed with the music in an odd way. He smiled at this and took hold of his revolver for the last time. He cocked the hammer, and lifted it up to his right temple; its cold steel causing goose bumps to erupt all across his body like a shockwave of finality.
Half of the bedroom door was broken off now, splintering enough for a few of them to stick their bloody hands through. Splinters impaled their hands, elbows and forearms; however it mattered not to them. One of them managed to get half of his body through, although in such an awkward way that it made iarescientists burst out in a morbid laughter, revolver still raised at his cranium.

“I’ll be with you soon my loves, then we shall laugh together again as a family.”

His muscles tensed, he was waiting for this one moment all day, in half a second he would be torn out of this hellish quagmire of nightmares for good; One bullet, one life. iarescientists closed his eyes tightly and squeezed the trigger, and the hammer fell like an uncaring gavel for his judgment.

[Mr. Ron]

Click

The small sound seemed to roar like an explosion across his mind. The last round was a dud. The condemned man slowly opened his eyes and pulled the trigger again and again; no salvation. Weakly, he dropped the weapon at his feet with a dull thud and stood up to accept his alternative fate. Loosening the top few buttons of his stained dress shirt and taking off his vest, he silently walked to within fifteen feet of the bedroom door, waiting for the tidal wave of teeth and hands that were going to help him finally see his family once again.

“Come and get me boys, I’m so damned tired, all I want is some rest.”

Under the pressure of their bodies, the door finally gave way with a splintering crash and they piled in slowly with ghoulish intension; a thick, fetid stench followed them like rotting chariots. He noticed one of them was a regular that came into his shop. “My, my Mr. Montgomery, how you’ve changed.”

Mozart’s song hit iarescientists’ favorite part when they lunged at him with their gory appendages; how fitting of an end, he thought grinning.


Abigail got to him first. iarescientists was happy about that.

[Little Android Man]

tl;dr

[iarescientists]

http://i39.tinypic.com/33xiujk.jpg

[malaise]

Nice.

[Tillius]

I can write you a better one just give me a few small details about yourself plz k thx.

[iarescientists]

i like long walks on the beach, foreign films, masturbating, and eating at taco bell

[Surgicalgod]

beat this niggas:

On that faithful Sunday afternoon
I couldn't see how much iarescientists would mean to me
Make me see the world through iarescientists's eyes
In iarescientists's arms I have never felt safer
A place I would like to stay forever
Resting my head on iarescientists's shoulders
Takes the world off mine
And with iarescientists time is immeasurable
It's the best time when I'm with iarescientists
And the worst time for me to leave iarescientists

All that keeps me up is knowing that one day
iarescientists's arms will be where my home will lay
And I can smile iarescientists's special smile everyday
The same everyday that I think of iarescientists
Knowing iarescientists feel the same way too
No-one knows how much what we have is real

Never felt so loved
So adored
I don't need anyone anymore
To tell me sweet nothings
And give me empty promises
All I ever need was iarescientists
For the first time
I feel happy
I feel whole
Only God knew it would take all of iarescientists
To complete all of me

Nothing else matters now
I see the future that iarescientists always saw
Feel the love iarescientists always felt
Without iarescientists it's just not the same
I couldn't say anymore
Just hold me and never let go
Because I'm home

[Kucinichism]

I missed the bus. I was early and yet so was the bus. Interesting. Could it be, possibly, that the universe conspired to bring about my demise? Or were greater forces than that of the universe itself at work, if such greater forces even exist.

Would it not make sense that a Descartes devotee would be the target of all else that exists?

In this corner is the challenger – Mr. iarescientists himself – standing 6’ 2” and weighing 145 pounds (not that any of these statistics are worth a damn). Enveloping all known space is the grand champion: the cosmos.

If it isn’t obvious, when I say that physical statistics aren’t worth a damn and you don’t understand, think about it this way: if the smartest man alive was playing quiz bowl with God, would it really matter if he were the smartest man alive? If he were to even score once over this supreme being – this being who knew the question before it was asked because he created the question itself – then the man would have to be God simply by principle. Therefore, God always wins despite the qualifications of whichever poor schmuck is in the bastard’s way.

However.

I don’t follow the whole deity business. I think, therefore I exist; because I lack the ability to read minds, I cannot determine whether or not the world around me exists. However, as I think of it, then it must exist in my mind: this redefines the self as being the universe as a whole. Furthermore, if it is true that the forces of the universe are attracting themselves towards equilibrium, and I am the universe, then at a certain point I will cease to exist. However, on an infinite continuum of time, I already cease to exist.

How the hell did I miss the bus?

I will walk. I am walking. I have walked. I will always walk.

On the other hand, if I am my destination, why do I walk? Damned questions, I’m with my girl, forget the philosophy. We all – I – die in the end.

Christ, how can I be with my girl if she is just an extension of me? To hell with this nihilism, it too easily contradicts my instincts. If I dodge the nihilism though, then again I’ll be left with nothing.

Materialism. I am a materialist. I accept this; when the entire universe is in equilibrium, who am I to try and comprehend? I will do as I am expected.

The ice is cold.

The pan is hot.

That man is evil.

That woman is a saint.

The three children are each bloated, hungry and starving
respectively.

Big, bigger, biggest. Positive, comparison, superlative.

If this is what allows for a man to enjoy life’s simple vanities, then I am willing to sacrifice philosophical pretension towards such enjoyment.

Simplicity is relaxing. Relaxation is dwelling on simple thoughts, hopes, even dreams of utopia. I dream, and always have, of no surprises. Everything is to be expected, but what is expected is nothing to mourn over. It is the gratification of the senses and the subconscious. The soul expects, but the mind is left at awe for it cannot comprehend the sudden feeling of satisfaction. What makes this so blissful is the mind will no longer worry, it will no longer become bogged down with hateful muck; however, the mind will not know this, but it will be satisfied for the soul tells it to be.

Maybe this is something good to believe. The soul knows and you don’t, so go with your gut? No, that’s too clichéd. I can’t possibly comprehend matters such as these by creating trite, snappy, listen-to-your-heart statements. That is it though; believe that you don’t need a statement, trust that the knowledge is much too big to comprehend, and let go. I like that. It still needs work, but I like that. Work is good too because then you know you have a home to come back to. I am doubly content.

It isn’t ignorance; it’s just acknowledging that the branch is out of reach.

However.

I think it is bliss.

[Mr. Ron]

, said iarescientists

[Kucinichism]

btw, I didn't right, I was just dictating what iarescientits was telling me

lol what a nihilist

[Mr. Ron]

Well, things really don't have any inherent value.

[Kucinichism]

it's it's true but of what value is a silly little short story to him?

[iarescientists]

i'm actually 6'2 145 lbs

[Kucinichism]

i'm actually 6'2 145 lbs


...k, maybe I did write it and just edited in your name, sry