I wrote this in 5 minutes

[adb]

in philosphy class

The configuration of dualistic entities
Intruding upon one another
Specific brain states form
Coagulating over eras
Experience the identical
Kill the mind and store the carcass
Universal Collapse


how bad is it

[kitsch]

pretty bad, i dont understand wtf it means

you loose me here
Kill the mind and store the carcass
Universal Collapse


up until that point it looked as though you were going to make some comment about perception, how two perceptions are never the same, even if they experience the identical, but then it just kinda abruptly ends with that

[adb]

its about all our thoughts forming and adding together into one great entity(possibly God, but with an actual body and mind)

and the mass of thoughts eventually creates an unstoppable being who must be killed, but at the expense of the universe

idk

[huxtaposition]

If you didn't use harsh words such as kill and carcass it could probably retain the message, as well as the feeling that I was getting from it (and digging) until I got that imagery (which I don't dig).

[adb]

I could probably take that line out and replace it, it doesn't really fit anyways.

[BerryStars]

huh?

[violet empathy1]

pretty bad, i dont understand wtf it means

you loose me here


up until that point it looked as though you were going to make some comment about perception, how two perceptions are never the same, even if they experience the identical, but then it just kinda abruptly ends with that

he lost me at the word class

[catharsis]

Interesting, but the franticness and not incredibly coherence of it are kind of alienating so far as understanding it goes. Maybe try to space the lines differently to put mental pauses in between thoughts, so it gives the reader some time to process.