Suggestions??

[tysetsfire11]

My band is writing a song, here are the lyrics in almost completed form.

Any thoughts on what the song title should be??

Any thoughts/constructive criticisms??


VERSE 1:
You reign o'er all the heavens,
the brightest star in sight.
Your form we see so clearly,
through darkness shines your light.
If only we could feel you
through the day as well as night.

VERSE 2:
We won't hear, no we won't fear
the lies that we've been told.
As one, we are the faithful;
their words will never hold.
So why must we pretend
that all you say is made of gold?

CHORUS:
We've been raised like mountains found on all you've shown.
And you're light has told that we are not alone.
We seek the truth so we can learn
to stay our minds...

But within our hearts we find that we’ve been swayed
as we lift our eyes to see the heavens fade.
We dream of heights with no return
to stay our minds... and be staid.

VERSE 3:
Your words begin to waver
like shadows from a flame.
You rest atop the fallen
as clouds above the rain.
Your answers leave us weary
While your questions lend us aid.

[slack]

... I hear boots marching in lockstep, I hear a band and a battle cry, and ...

ugh.

i haven't spent a large amount of time examining this poem because quite honestly the tone and the language aren't very interesting. it seems like it's about god and his faithful who, for some unclear reason, become disillusioned. that's all i got out of this because many of the descriptive words (i.e., "through darkness shines your light") are ambiguous words capable of many, many interpretations. if that is your intent, then i can't fault you for that.

by the way, "o'er" is an antiquated word and was used extensively in metered poetry. really no point in using it here.