As The Sea Waves Goodbye

[Stubby99]

Hey guys, just registered to get some advice and feedback on writing lyrics.

These are some of the first I've written, about the break up of a friendship. They're quite heavily influenced by Play Crack The Sky by Brand New.

Verse 1

Maybe we should talk about it
Go where we know and shout about it
It's hard to hear over the whispers in our ears
The lies have built up over all of these years
Used to block them out, now they conceal our fears
And we're just as guilty as them
Yeah, we're showing them up again
They just haven't realised it yet

Chorus

We're lacking experience
So let's just let it go
Rational thought is absent
And this body can't be consoled
If you can find a better time
Please let me know
So we don't waste our time again
Starting over new

Verse 2

This is your conscience speaking
Abandon ship, abandon ship
This is your conscience sinking
Abandon me, abandon me
Your lungs are half full
Of the words that pierced this hull
And water would be a luxury now
Everything you've known, smashed to pieces on the bow

Chorus

We're lacking experience
So let's just let it go
Rational thought is absent
And this body can't be consoled
If you can find a better time
Please let me know
So we don't waste our time again
Starting over new

Verse 3/Outro

Take one more breath
Open your eyes, let it in
This salt will cleanse your wounds
And help you forget all your sins
Before we met we were alone
We don't do so good on our own
A weight lifted from a heavy heart of stone
So let's just let it go, before it goes wrong


Thanks :)

[lwatkins]

i felt sorry for it not gettin any crit - i know how bad it feels man

i think its ok mate, just make it a little less structured and i think youre on the way to a great poem/song type thing.

i do understand where ya comin' from with it

just dont feel as though you have to force rhymes though yeh??