Help for a begginer

[JAD]

I've been writing lyrics for my band for a while now, but they don't really give me much feedback on them. I was hoping I could get some feedback here. This is a song I've been working on recently, any criticism would be really helpful.

Verse 1:
You looked good, in a cocktail dress
You bought secondhand, unpressed
But you can’t kick the stain from your spilled drink
It keeps sinking in, a shade of dark marooned pink

Pre Chorus:
You had fun, but now the nights are too long
The nights are too long

Chorus 1 and 3:
Gossamer can only get you so far
And now you’re driving home in someone else car
Laugh your way back to the place you call home
They’re telling me you’ve got nowhere to run to now

Verse 2:
A long, drawn breath comes out
But still you can’t manage to scream or shout
Keep running away under a starless skyline
Keep driving away along that highway byline

Pre Chorus:
You had fun, but now the nights are too long
The nights are too long

Chorus 2:
So try to figure out how your days have been spent
Or kick your dreams around and wonder where they went
Laugh your way back to the place you call home
They’re telling me you’ve got nowhere to run to now

[JAD]

Anyone?

[Surf]

Gossamer can only get you so far

That's a great line.

However, the rest is not quite as good. You've gone for alot of the beginner problems that people seem to face, such as the forced rhyming and trouble with imagery and stuff like that.

I could run through all of this now, but best bet is to read the sticked thread at the top of the page. Its full of great advice on avoiding these pratfalls.

So yeah, pretty run of the mill. But damn, I do like that one line. Once there's a few more like that, you'll be one your way to being a pretty good writer.

[JAD]

thanks alot, I'll be sure to read that.