Best Sputnik Quotes

[IsItLuck?]

Okay so I was talking to Channing, plus I'm bored right now, and we were talking about the best things ever said on sputnik. So far there are only four quotes that come to mind. Please leave some more.

CONTENDERS:

Eliminator: Didn't take long for the fag squad to roll in.
(Joanna Newsom review that was deleted)

Nick Greer: Well if you're an idiot and don't understand the joke of subbing in a Greek letter which phonetically gives the first syllable of the word "music" then maybe you aren't smart enough to be listening to Intelligent Dance Music.
(Old community thread)

Eliminator: SYNCRATIC YOU ARE BIASED



NOW PREPARE TO BE ANNIHILATED BY MY DEATH RAYS OF JOURNALISTIC OBJECTIVITY
(Channing's Isis - Panopticon review, 2nd page)

Eliminator: after purchasing this album i would be pennywise to get my nickelback
(IsItLuck?'s Pennywise - Reason to Believe review)

Please list only serious contenders, even though I really don't think it gets much better than these four. Prove me wrong.

[Iluvatar]

i puked of how good it was

[pixiesfanyo]

iluv, i really can't formulate something about this Subtle album right now.

feel free to TAKE UP THE HELM.

[Eliminator]

um whats the point this is basically "recall everything eliminator has ever said"

besides skarox

[IsItLuck?]

it will all be included in your eulogy eliminator

[Eliminator]

wish my metallica review hadnt been deleted ugh

[Eliminator]

grape slush

[sweboy]

I think what Sputnik needs is an Eliminator section, like

login - new releases - top albums - forums - news - picks - eliminator

[Cesar21]

I once read a Steerpike comment that made me lol, it was: "I'm so metal churches burst to flame when I walk pass them."

I don't remember where it is. I miss Steerpike wonder what happened to him

[IsItLuck?]

oh **** dethrasher probably has some good ones. confessed too. I have to go look now. Here are some sweet ones:

confessed:
'I find some of your cynical comments to be needless, but you're still "cool" and your "rep" is never damaged.'

'Ryan Flatley = The New Jesus.



Cynicism>>>Sarcasm so at least you're miles ahead of most of the 3l1t3's here.'

Electric City:
'It's extremely difficult to write a Shoegaze review and not talk about Loveless, i.e: My Slowdive review.'

Hawks10Pec:
'Yeah this review makes me wanna punch a baby. Giving Opeth a 2.5 is crazy as hell.'

[Cesar21]

Shadows (BWP review):
"The capacity of human intelligence seems to limit the capabilities to expand upon any possible creative aptitudes. Indeed, if one cannot even notice the facets that the ingenuities around him are comprised of, how can he be expected to fashion a beast of his own? This inveterate sense of constraint is a great blow to the veracity of mankind’s abilities. It restrains us and holds our minds to the ground below, averting any possibility of rising above ourselves to something greater; something not fathomed by the conventional mind. This concept of seeking to go beyond one’s self, known as “transcendence”, is essentially a gateway to unlocking pieces of ourselves that can lead to some of the most elaborate and significant creations of our world. For many, this quest to transcend and form creations that were once considered unthinkable and overwhelming consumes life. Certainly it is rare to find such people, but when they are found, creative barriers are destroyed."

classic

This one is my own in page 36 of BWP review:
"Basically the first 3 songs on this album are more amazing than a robot caveman punching God in the dick."

[Eliminator]

nothing Steerpike has said is funny

[pixiesfanyo]

Shadows said this in a review once: "Thank the valkyries for bands like Blind Guardian, a German power metal quartet who hasn’t dropped their technique for decades. "

[DFelon204409]

I vote for myself obviously. However this is also nice:

http://post-engineering.blogspot.com/2008/05/album-equus-eutheria.html

[Aficionado]

lolololol

[Dave de Sylvia]

No mainstream music here....
Support the artists!!!

[Cocaine]

I miss Steerpike wonder what happened to him
Probably off doing magic tricks and accosting passer-bys.

I'd nominate that quote where someone compared me to a pair of underwear but I don't remember it exactly.

[mynameischan]

http://www.sputnikmusic.com/album.php?reviewid=11689&genreid=4&page=3

[iarescientists]

hey 711 remember when you didn't post for a few days

that would come in handy right now

[Ando!]

wat do u mean dimebags "dead"

[Dave de Sylvia]

he's looking down on all of us

with a huge smiley face

[Big Baby Jesus]

Pretty much anything said by Hiprockrules is a great quote.

mostly

"Vanilla Ice Paved the way for rappers like Eminem"

[iarescientists]

lol steerpike was such a faggot

[Kage]

A lot of these quotes aren't that great.

[Dave de Sylvia]

They all pale in comparison to

after purchasing this album i would be pennywise to get my nickelback

[iarescientists]

zach savage says

[NortherlyNanook]

Avenged Sevenfold review comments: bringing out the best of Sputnik!

These two are from the main City of Evil review. (Came for the comments, stayed for the comments.)

I don't use the same arguments everyone else does.

Yet again, people who don;t know what true music is commenting on this. if you rated this a 3.5 and up then you know what true music is. You dont know how much synyster gates is revolutionizing guitar playing in this generation, one of the most influencial guitarists of the past 6 generations why cant you admit that? The reveron is showing how a real drummer drums with his big kit. This band is the complete and total package.. this band got the most technical, catchy, heaviest music that will make other bands cry in shame. so why dont you realize what real music is and stop following the trend of the not liking real music people





take this from sum1 who knows what real music is

Please tell me it's a gimmick account. Pleeeeease.

[Eliminator]

that isn't funny

[NortherlyNanook]

neither is your circle jerking so it's cool

[Eliminator]

lol wut

[Cocaine]

neither is your circle jerking so it's cool

I nominate this one

[Correction]

so far this thread fails besides the pennywise nickelback elim quote

[Cocaine]

Daitro mark thèir trademark style on their debut LP; the transistion from totally going apeshit intense to smooth envy-like post-rock, which is what all good emo bands do, but their Daitro and french so its better shut up. Tracks like "Mon Corps" feature totally apeshit crazy drums and insanely loud guitar playing, while instrumental closer "Hop" channells ultra melodic guitar playing into super-sexy post-rock climaxes. Oh and there not so much screaming as the other long-assed french named latest album, and more yelling, but the singer still sounds like he has a head cold.

I think it's better than Laisser, but with less diversity in the song structure. Tracks are pretty similiar for the most part, but shut up, because after seven songs, I wanted more. It's apeshititedly good.

All of this. Bolded parts especially.

[rasputin]

'apepoopitedly'

[Jom]

only good one is pennywise/nickelback

[mocha bear]

idk, the deathrays of journalistic objectivity was pretty good I thought.

[IsItLuck?]

In context (which was important), next to the pennywise comment, "Didn't take long for the fag squad to roll in." made me laugh so hard.

[Iluvatar]

how u gonna act

[Electric City]

ryan, why did you put the shoegaze quote in here?

[Electric City]

Also, I submit:

"If I'd known something like this would happen, I'd certainly have my reviews saved.
Oh well, at least my site rank is the same."

[Iluvatar]

no but seriously

how u gonna act

[McP3000]

what about hyperbole king

we need some hyperbole king quotes

[Iai]

There was a quote on the Kayo Dot review where pixiesfanyo basically admitted he's not smart enough to understand the music of Protest The Hero or Opeth, but the server deleted it. :(

[Cocaine]

don't poke the bear!

[Essence]

I nominate anything "wowaddict" has ever posted, though his best one was already covered here.

[Burn2Burn]

"am i going to have to start handing out spam cans in here"

mynameischan's post in the Fortress review. Made me lol, like, for real.

[Eliminator]

do you even get the joke

[Cocaine]

I'm an Irish heathen looking back to his former days so I have no opinion on the matter. Hail Ogma.

[SHOOTME]

Jacktiger7x:

"You're paragraph structure would make a 5 year old who just learned the letter A cry."

From Tribestros Filter review which got eliminated in the crash.

[NortherlyNanook]

I don't get it. Is it ironic because Jacktiger can't tell the difference between "your" and "you're?"

[Fort23]

what about hyperbole king

we need some hyperbole king quotes

yea but most of his good ones were deleted so.
EDIT:oh sweet i was mentioned

[SHOOTME]

Nevermind. Somebody already did the Shadows quote.

Here's a nomination: Tribestros

"Wow. You're ignorant or something.



For god sakes even Pitchfork liked this album."
Posted on Nick Butler's Queens Of Stone Age Era Vulgaris review.

[Cocaine]

Read the first page you douchebag.

[The Sludge]

Imagine a nasal Matt Heafy. Imagine a gothier version of that dude from The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. Imagine Ozzy Osbourne only a hundred times worse. Imagine gonorrhea in vocal form. This is the vocalist of Aiden.

Not sure if quotes from reviews count, but this is good.

[Iai]

I got called ignorant by tribes? Awesome.

[ilikemusicthatsucks]

"Is this considered Emo Death Metal."

moltenlava

Page 113 of Coc's PTH review.

[HighandDriving]

^^^^Winner, I was gonna nominate the same quote.

It's funny cause he actually thought that was the proper genre.

[Cocaine]

No he didn't moltenlava was a troll, a gimmick, who has since been banned because of it. And, while I do still think BallsToTheWalls is a fake account (in lieu of his rampant stupidity), I nominate this:


Album was great. I was beasting out to this today in the gym and I gotta say, this punches hard.

[(*The Noonward Race*)]

Maxwell19 - "hey that music is so dumb we dont even need it dont even talk to me anymore in the hallway, guy!"

[DFelon204409]

Cocaine that's actually how I talk when I've just beasted out at the gym so watch yourself.

[slep]

Classic Zepdude moment here:

How can there be no guitar solos and still give a 5? Even if everything else was kickass then I would only give it a 3 maybe. Review wasn't good at all. Very little objectivity. EDIT:I have to neg it.THis kinda sounds like a SP rippoff. Machina? Machina GOd?

[McP3000]

ok the balls to the wall quotes was excellence

[Jim]

As a person who has studied music and can play musical instruments,I can only say this:Metallica are a fantastic band.They are up there with Black sabbath,Led Zeppelin,Elvis Presley,Mozart,Beethoven and other musical geniuses that will live on through the ages long after we're gone.by ConorMichaelJoseph

[Iscariot]

first post reminds me of just how disgustingly lame sputnik is

[iarescientists]

well yeah but you hate everything

the forums aren't much better or worse, tbh

[taylormemer]

In my opinion, Slayer are better off being a cover band then play their garbage that they usually play. I just don't understand why slayer have to be so heavy and why they hate god so much...
lmao

[Lunarfall]

Some ICP soundoff that just got posted:

When you feel that everyone's against you, when the world's so full of hate, positivity comes through in the form of friends and family. Excellent release of fun, original tracks for an open-minded listener who hasn't been taken in by horrid gangster rap.

[Myrrhman]

not funny, please kill yourself

[Channing]

i nominate

not funny, please kill yourself

[Myrrhman]

i nominate

http://img508.imageshack.us/img508/6042/lawenforcementipzzapy5.png

[McP3000]

bustyaguns is quite the hooligan

[Electric City]

nominate: Okay Morrisey..

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I would like you to know that I am ready to become a mod now.

[Cocaine]

You lack credibility here. You're subjecting your opinion, and trying to object it in a review. It fails badly. So what you personally didn't like it. That's probably not going to make much difference to the reader who wants to get a bit of know-how.

[Myrrhman]

nominate:

its too bad he did it wrong

[Correction]

You lack credibility here. You're subjecting your opinion, and trying to object it in a review. It fails badly. So what you personally didn't like it. That's probably not going to make much difference to the reader who wants to get a bit of know-how.

yeah, that taylor dude is annoying as hell

[Myrrhman]

stop subjecting your opinion

[Correction]

just trying to object it in a post man

[taylormemer]

You lack credibility here. You're subjecting your opinion, and trying to object it in a review. It fails badly. So what you personally didn't like it. That's probably not going to make much difference to the reader who wants to get a bit of know-how.

I was waiting how long it would take for that to appear in here. Not even a few minutes ha. Doesn't take much of a very stupid comment to make some lulz.

[Granfalloon]

"Opinions are cool unless you act like an epileptic retard at a disco party."

[McP3000]

I am getting older. Soon I shall be a withered shell of the man I once was, and I will be whisked away by the wind. I fear that my death is coming all too soon. I am thinking about ending this painful existence myself, for I would much rather take my own life than cowardly succumb to Death's icy touch. Though I am afraid that, despite my unwillingness to be defeated, the final victory shall go to Death. It seems that he is too powerful an adversary to overcome. I've lived a full life, but I cannot say that I am happy. I've seen and done many things, but they have not fulfilled me. Perhaps the only thing left for me to do is die.

My imaginary friend, Barnaby the hippo, has left me. I do not know the reason why. I was always kind and generous toward him. I took care of him when he was sick from eating too many cashews, I took him for walks down in the swamp, and I rubbed his feet when he was feeling stressed. Perhaps he has departed on a journey of self-discovery. Perhaps some unknown ethereal voice has called out to him, beckoning him to follow. I am doing my best to cope with the loss, but it has had a profound effect upon my psyche. I have always credited myself with being able to deal with loss very well; maybe I thought too highly of myself. I have no reason to sleep at night, no reason to wake up in the morning, and worst of all, no reason to live. Come back to me, Barnaby. I need you. I cannot do this alone.

I am having the nightmares again. Visions of my tortured existence plague my dreams. I fear that they will only worsen with time. The nightmares are merely flashbacks; disjointed pieces of a puzzle that I cannot put together. I am a man without a past and without a future. I am left with only the present. I have no family, no friends, no one to help me through these dark times. Mayhaps I will find some way to succeed, some way to rise above this pain, like the phoenix rose up from out of the flames, though it is unlikely. I fear the worst. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, no prize at the end of the race. It is over. Barnaby has left. Sorrow and Death have taken his place.

And now what do I have to live for? For what reason do I do the things that have become so common to me? Nothing is new or exciting to me anymore. Nothing brings me joy or happiness. What does one do when their vitality is gone? They dry up. They become dust. The wind blows them wherever it pleases. This is what I have become. I am dust. Useless, worthless dust.

I am nothing.
This^^

[Electric City]

"Opinions are cool unless you act like an epileptic retard at a disco party."

who said this?

[Channing]

http://www.sputnikmusic.com/forums/showpost.php?p=16500155&postcount=17

[taylormemer]

Ahahaha. That was good.

[Granfalloon]

is "mayhaps" really a word channing? b/c if so i'm going to have to find a way to use that in every conversation I encounter today.

[Channing]

it is a word yes

[McP3000]

did you write that whole thing chan, or was that a delicious copypasta?

[Channing]

i wrote it

[McP3000]

awesome

[Channing]

thx

i had completely forgotten about it until you reposted it in here. i think it was a blog i had on myspace for fun but i don't really remember. awesome.

[SHOOTME]

The Californian virtuosos Avenged Sevenfold

:lol:

[DFelon204409]

it is a word yes

Stole that **** from me.

EDIT: nm that's peradventure

[Polaris]

thx

i had completely forgotten about it until you reposted it in here. i think it was a blog i had on myspace for fun but i don't really remember. awesome.

Is it in a thread too?

[Channing]

http://www.sputnikmusic.com/lesson.php?lessonid=7103#comments

[Polaris]

awesome

[Electric City]

god bless whoever first made heroine cause it does wonders to help make music

[TimJim]

Hawthorne Heights is a great band!

-TimJim, 2006

[The Sludge]

Tim Jim. Lets make some Michigan babies. Some I-75 genious suoer highway babies.

[Thor]

Hawks10Pec: (referring to Into Eternity's drummer)
He's no Inferno, but he's damn good.

:lol:

[taylormemer]

Everything he says is so funny, because he's actually serious.

[parvenu]

captain obvious to the rescue

[south_of_heaven 11]

I wish we still had his Venom review. That was just comedic gold...

[Thor]

Yeah I miss that review.

Oh and Mappy's Waking The Cadaver soundoff is ****ing amazing.

[beans]

lol i hadn't seen that before

[Thor]

Oh and a few things in Mappy's Winds of Plague review were pretty hilarious too.

something like anal-fisting-core or something like that

[beans]

lol more of a rant than a review
i remember seeing that one

[TimJim]

Tim Jim. Lets make some Michigan babies. Some I-75 genious suoer highway babies.how about the big beaver exit?

[taylormemer]

I wish we still had his Venom review. That was just comedic gold...

Yeah that was classic. Should have a contest for most hilarious reviews ever made.

[nikole187]

i vote for an eliminator section too

[nikole187]

hey! exit 69, getting off on big beaver!
http://www.getoffonbigbeaver.com/images/roadsign_opt.gif

[TimJim]

exactically

[Meatplow]

Yeah that was classic. Should have a contest for most hilarious reviews ever made.

we should, there have been a few classics

[Correction]

most of the really funny/bad ones have been deleted though :(

[Meatplow]

i pine that they at least get archived before they get deleted and showcased in a "how not to review" thread

purely for amusement purposes

[Correction]

that would be awesome

[Jim]

deleted reviews should be compiled and eventually summonsed for comedic purposes.

[Thor]

Yeah, for the next feature I think we should have a compilation of the best/worst reviews ever spawned on this site. Who's with me?

[Meatplow]

i'm with you thor, let's petition this bitch

[Jim]

I'm an easy going guy, but I can get pretty ****ing fierce if someone pushed me enough. You DON'T want a broken bottle in your eye.
ICP reviews should never be banned on this site, on account of the fact they provide the most entertainment on those long, rainy days.

[SHOOTME]

I don't think troll quotes should count, but this is definitely a notable exception. it's also pretty funny when he tries to us Primus as a defense for ICP. his arguments have no merit, at all!

[Jim]

what's sad is he was being for real. he followed up with this

How do you know that I do not live in your state, or even your town?

lol why soo serious??

[SHOOTME]

this is even worse than that time Hawks10pec wrote that Venom review!

[Thor]

i'm with you thor, let's petition this bitch
It'd be the best feature the site could possibly have.

[The Sludge]

It'd be the best feature the site could possibly have.

Like a link for anyone to nominate a review for best or worst review and have the mods sort it out for the feature.

[DFelon204409]

Yeah, for the next feature I think we should have a compilation of the best/worst reviews ever spawned on this site. Who's with me?

That's the stupidest ****ing idea I've ever read. You're completely missing the point of features. It's not to finger**** the lame 4chan regurgitation sense of humor of the community here. It's to actually be about music in a feature format. Articles, interviews, lists, even mixtapes would fit better than this dumbshit collaboration of dumb **** Eliminator has said over the years.

But ya good creativity that's what we look for in staff reviewers innovative thinking keep up the good work.

[Channing]

are you a robot

[DFelon204409]

You too chan.

[Channing]

we could also have a feature about all the times you responded to eliminator with huge paragraphs because you didn't get the jokes

[Jom]

Well if you're an idiot and don't understand the joke of subbing in a Greek letter which phonetically gives the first syllable of the word "music" then maybe you aren't smart enough to be listening to Intelligent Dance Music.

[iarescientists]

i mean a feature of the best/worst reviews is a pretty stupid idea, but come on

[iarescientists]

rictor is my last name numbnuts. I just appreciate Andy Richter's previous work on Conan O'brien and felt like melded names together and i spelled minutiae correctly the first time chan if you cared to read.

[DFelon204409]

The ear spamming in this thread is too ridiculous.