rough song idea

[karmapavementplan]

Hi, put up a new song idea on our myspace. Any feedback would be good. I originally put the odd warped sounding effect on there to cover up all of the mistakes, but it covers it up pretty well i think. I guess a little direction for this piece would help. It's called "rough song idea"

www.myspace.com/smoothernarration

[dairyairman]

as a rough idea i would say that's pretty good. i like the guitar melody in the background contrasting with the acoustic foreground melody. i think what you've got could work as a verse or chorus, but not the whole song like you've got it now. i think you'll need to add different melodies and structure to it to make it a full song, not to mention lyrics and vocals, but you probably know that.