Non-monogamy

[Danish]

Do you think romantic love relationships should be monogamous, or is monogamy an outdated, old-fashioned institution that ought to be tossed to the curb?

[Mr. Ron]

I personally think that your love (romantic) should be exclusive to one person.

But if someone is into open relationships thats their deal, just not for me. I think it sort of cheapens love a bit.

[Danish]

I personally think that your love (romantic) should be exclusive to one person.

But if someone is into open relationships thats their deal, just not for me. I think it sort of cheapens love a bit.

Why does it "cheapen" it?

[guitrguy]

Do you think romantic love relationships should be monogamous, or is monogamy an outdated, old-fashioned institution that ought to be tossed to the curb?

I think it depends on the parties involved. However I think for legal purpose, ie taxes, there should only be monogamous marriages.

[Sunshine]

I think if you're really going for love, it really only works best between two people.

But as far as like, casual relationships go and all, non-serious type, polygamy is fine [if you can find enough others who are cool with it].

[Danish]

Well, a "non-monogamous" relationship can take many forms, from the couple who invites other people into their bedroom, to polyamory where more-than-two people are actually in a love relationship with each other.

[Mr. Ron]

Why does it "cheapen" it?

Good question, actually. While I haven't really set a concrete answer to this question in my head for some time, the best I can say as of now is:

Its my personal belief that something as special as romantic love shouldn't be something shared between many people, because I think it will delude it.


Plus, I don't think you can have romantic kind of love with multiple people eaqually. To me, loving someone is going all in, and dedicating yourself to that person. I think that kind of romantic dedication would be strained if it was shared between multiple people. I mean come on, think of how tough it is sometimes keeping love alive with one person! haha. If you have 5 women that one man says that he all loves romantically, I find it hard to phathom that when he says "I love you" to one, he means it on the same level and in the same way when he says it to woman no.2 or no.3. Now, people will say "well why does it matter if his love is not all equal? He still loves them." Thats not the point, though. If love simply means liking someone slightly less than your true love, then I would say thats not real romantic love at all, just a strong like of the person.


I have to work out my ideas, but thats basically the jist of it.

[Sunshine]

I'm going to have to agree.
The truest of romantic love is all-in, can't be divided or felt for more than that one person.

In my experience and opinion, anyway.

[Danish]

Ok, but what about sex?

[Sunshine]

Sex is not love.
Sex all the people you want.

[guitrguy]

Romantic love is cultural phenomenon, tbh. To some people sex is very much love, and the embodiment of love.

[Mr. Ron]

Ok, but what about sex?

I think a loving couple could engage in multiple partners for sex as long as they feel the same sort of love they had before they engaged in the act.

Romantic is cultural phenomenon, tbh.

True, but who doesn't like roamnce sometimes?

[jaredong]

i remember reading freud saying that, you cant have universal love for everyone. Because that would make your love less meaningful. When I say, "i love you" it expresses that i have a preference for you especially. But if i just spread it around, everyones part of the "love" club, so it isnt so special anymore.

if people wanna have sexy times with other people while in a relationship, thats dandy to me. However, friends who did that tell me (and shows documenting those communes with multiple wives tell me) that jealously just gets in the picture.

i say, get rid of slimy girls.

[sweboy]

The non-acceptance of polygamy is one of many examples of how the social and legal structures of western society, based on non-rational ideas, oppresses the potential of humans to happily live the lifes they want to live.

[Mr. Ron]

The non-acceptance of polygamy is one of many examples where the social and legal structures of western society, based on non-rational ideas, oppresses the potential of humans to happily live the lifes they want to live.

I think polygamy should be legal. Different strokes, and all of that.

[Danish]

if people wanna have sexy times with other people while in a relationship, thats dandy to me. However, friends who did that tell me (and shows documenting those communes with multiple wives tell me) that jealously just gets in the picture.

I don't find jealousy plays much of a factor with my partner and I. I think it largely has to do with the way our society constructs the love relationship and sexuality.

[guitrguy]

True, but who doesn't like roamnce sometimes?

I'm not saying its bad, I like it myself. Just that it really means different things to different people.

[-1up!-]

What he said. I think, too, that the romantic conception of love dominant in the Western world is too demanding and complex to be shared with more than one person. But if you're not in love or seeking to be, sex all you want with anyone you want. Why not? As long as you follow the basic rules of not being a dick to avoid eaving a trail of broken hearts behind you.

[Mr. Ron]

@Danish

Do you and your partner have sex with different people?


I'm not saying its bad, I like it myself. Just that it really means different things to different people.

Oh yeah, for sure.

[Danish]

Ya.

[Mr. Ron]

Ya.

and you've never felt any sort of negative feelings?

[Danish]

and you've never felt any sort of negative feelings?

Once or twice, but it really requires two thing: 1/ excellent communication between my partner and I; and 2/ a firm understanding of why I had negative feelings when I did.

That "jealousy" is really a result of the way sexuality -- women's sexuality in particular -- has been constructed in my mind over the past 24 years. I mean, generally a guy is supposed to flip out if his partner ****s someone else, you're supposed to feel jealous. Why? Because the man is supposed to be the dominant and controlling one, women aren't supposed to want sex the same way men are. It's about deconstructing those hegemonic ideals within your own mind. I've gotten to the point where I think the idea of my partner having sex with other men can be arousing for me. I'm even starting to open up to the idea of being bisexual.

[Mr. Ron]

Once or twice, but it really requires two thing: 1/ excellent communication between my partner and I; and 2/ a firm understanding of why I had negative feelings when I did.

That "jealousy" is really a result of the way sexuality -- women's sexuality in particular -- has been constructed in my mind over the past 24 years. I mean, generally a guy is supposed to flip out if his partner ****s someone else, you're supposed to feel jealous. Why? Because the man is supposed to be the dominant and controlling one, women aren't supposed to want sex the same way men are. It's about deconstructing those hegemonic ideals within your own mind. I've gotten to the point where I think the idea of my partner having sex with other men can be arousing for me. I'm even starting to open up to the idea of being bisexual.
I disagree. People flip out when their partner cheats on them because they broke their word and trust set up with the notion that their love is special, and sex is something to be between them and them only. Again, this is only true for couples that want that kind of thing, not for couples that don't mind things like the swinger lifestyle.


Well, whatever floats your boat man. Its just not for me. I for one, would find it extremely hard to keep happy thoughts if I knew my gf was out screwing another dude. I actually enjoy the western model of love (excluding the Christian influences and blatant sexist overtones).


Just curious: Why are you thinking on becoming bi?

[Permanent Solution]

A fairly relevant blog entry I wrote recently:

Marriage, at least in America, has lately become more of a try-till-you-get-bored kind of thing nowadays more than the commitment it once was. I think a lot of this is due to the increased desire and fulfillment of choice granted more and more to this consumerist society. No one likes making commitments anymore, I think each generation is progressively more flaky. This is not necessarily a bad thing.

However, it seems to me that with such a self-indulgent group, marriage is fast becoming an out-dated concept, yet nothing is rising in its place. This is where the problem lies. Moving past marriage is ok, but you need something to move past it to. Currently the answer is marriage and then pass on to divorce, rinse and repeat. Unfortunately, this is an awful mode of doing things. For one because marriage is when a lot of folks tend to have children, and what is happening quite often now is that parents will stick in a bad marriage "for the kids." What that really means is that they will create an openly hostile environment based in lies to raise their child in, while simultaneously teaching them what not to do in relationships, although children adore their parents and are impressionable enough to take exactly the opposite message away.

Now, don't get me wrong, I personally will probably eventually get married and stay devoted to one person my whole life. That's the sort of person I am. But I feel that society in general is moving away from this mindset and is ill-prepared to deal with that shift.

The question is though, what should the new system be in a choice-obsessed consumer society? When we shop for dates online, what do we do about raising children? What do we do about mating? It seems hardly fair to let men sleep with women, impregnate them, and then leave them with the children. What do you think?

[Danish]

I disagree. People flip out when their partner cheats on them because they broke their word and trust set up with the notion that their love is special, and sex is something to be between them and them only. Again, this is only true for couples that want that kind of thing, not for couples that don't mind things like the swinger lifestyle.

Well, whatever floats your boat man. Its just not for me. I for one, would find it extremely hard to keep happy thoughts if I knew my gf was out screwing another dude. I actually enjoy the western model of love (excluding the Christian influences and blatant sexist overtones).

Just curious: Why are you thinking on becoming bi?

Sure, I mean I would feel the same way if my partner went out and started seeing someone else. People in a relationship make a sort of agreement between themselves as to what's considered "cheating" and what isn't. In my relationship, which is probably more reliant on trust than most, we have clear, well-defined rules as it pertains to sex with other people. We don't have sex with others unless we're both there. We are a team, so to speak, and we really pay attention to each other's feelings. But that doesn't mean the rules are set in stone. They are changing; I'm willing to make exceptions in certain circumstances.

And I wouldn't say "I'm thinking about becoming bi"; rather, I think I always have been, I've just repressed it. As I challenge my own internalized hegemonic masculine ideals, I am letting down those barriers I've erected in my own mind. I find myself checking out guys more (though I have very picky taste in men ;)) and that sort, and I don't try to repress it anymore. If that's who I am, that's who I am. I'm lucky enough to be in a relationship with someone who will explore that with me. I mean, sex is sex. It's fun and it feels good.

[McP3000]

Im against polygamy in a formal/marraige sense.

You can have as many girlfriends as you want though, even though they'll just dump you.

[guitrguy]

Im against polygamy in a formal/marraige sense.

You can have as many girlfriends as you want though, even though they'll just dump you.

in a legal and/or spiritual marriage?

[Danish]

If anything, my partner helps me get with more women than I could probably get on my own!

[Mr. Ron]

Danish, what does your partner mean to you? Why is she special?

[McP3000]

in a legal and/or spiritual marriage?
im against the state recognizing polygamy as a legal form of union.

the spiritual marriage thing is a non-issue because no religion promotes than other than Mormonism.

I won't comment on Mormonism, other than i disagree with the polygamy part.

[guitrguy]

im against the state recognizing polygamy as a legal form of union.

the spiritual marriage thing is a non-issue because no religion promotes than other than Mormonism.

I won't comment on Mormonism, other than i disagree with the polygamy part.

for arguments sake, what if more religious organizations advocated bigamy?

[Mr. Ron]

Sure, I mean I would feel the same way if my partner went out and started seeing someone else. People in a relationship make a sort of agreement between themselves as to what's considered "cheating" and what isn't. In my relationship, which is probably more reliant on trust than most, we have clear, well-defined rules as it pertains to sex with other people. We don't have sex with others unless we're both there. We are a team, so to speak, and we really pay attention to each other's feelings. But that doesn't mean the rules are set in stone. They are changing; I'm willing to make exceptions in certain circumstances.

And I wouldn't say "I'm thinking about becoming bi"; rather, I think I always have been, I've just repressed it. As I challenge my own internalized hegemonic masculine ideals, I am letting down those barriers I've erected in my own mind. I find myself checking out guys more (though I have very picky taste in men ;)) and that sort, and I don't try to repress it anymore. If that's who I am, that's who I am. I'm lucky enough to be in a relationship with someone who will explore that with me. I mean, sex is sex. It's fun and it feels good.

I guess I have a less liberal (albeit I am very liberal) sense of sex. Sex to me is a serious thing, its not JUST fun and exciting, but you have to take into account the responsibilities and consequences. Am I sounding like a mother here? :^p

[jaredong]

If anything, my partner helps me get with more women than I could probably get on my own!

wow danish, lol you're such a pimp masta :naughty:

but yea,

all these rules of monogamy, dating, relationships, they're all social constructs at this point of time. theres nothing "natural" or binding about them.

if you're happy with how you define your relationships, all the power to you!

[McP3000]

for arguments sake, what if more religious organizations advocated bigamy?
then they should get "married" in their church or religious structure. The state will just recognize one.

[Mr. Ron]

wow danish, lol you're such a pimp masta :naughty:

but yea,

all these rules of monogamy, dating, relationships, they're all social constructs at this point of time. theres nothing "natural" or binding about them.

if you're happy with how you define your relationships, all the power to you!


I think there's a biological element somewhere in our DNA that makes us form certain relationships.

[guitrguy]

then they should get "married" in their church or religious structure. The state will just recognize one.

So much for an argument. :mad:

[McP3000]

i know that people are naturally attracted (on a sub-concious level) to people who look similar to their opposite gender parent

So much for an argument.
were you baiting me to side with the polygamist religions?

[guitrguy]

No I was hoping you didn't have the same position I did. I'm bored at work.

[PerpetualBurn]

That "jealousy" is really a result of the way sexuality -- women's sexuality in particular -- has been constructed in my mind over the past 24 years. I mean, generally a guy is supposed to flip out if his partner ****s someone else, you're supposed to feel jealous. Why? Because the man is supposed to be the dominant and controlling one, women aren't supposed to want sex the same way men are. It's about deconstructing those hegemonic ideals within your own mind. I've gotten to the point where I think the idea of my partner having sex with other men can be arousing for me. I'm even starting to open up to the idea of being bisexual.

I could have gone along with your post quite well until you tried to play the misogyny card.

The idea I don't want my partner out having sex with other men because I have some controlling or dominant attitude is quite unjustified. It's nothing to do with any negative attitude to women. This is quite evident in the way that I don't consider myself free to sleep with a variety of other women.

Personally, I choose to commit myself fully to an individual whom I have such intimate feelings for. And that means that whilst I may at times feel lust for someone else, I would never actually act upon such things.

If two, three, four, or however many people are entirely comfortable and gain personal satisfaction from a polyamorous relationship, or two people feel free to explore sexually outside of the couple, then I have no issue with that. It's an informed, consensual, adult relationship.

As I say, you were fine till you tried to imply this was rooted in some sexist sentiment.

[Permanent Solution]

I think most people in this thread are missing the fact that whether or not they agree with it, taken as a whole monogamous and monoamorous (sp?) really are on the decline currently.

[Danish]

Danish, what does your partner mean to you? Why is she special?

Well, we've been together for almost 4 years. We are totally compatible in every way. It probably sounds cliche, but she means everything to me...

I guess I have a less liberal (albeit I am very liberal) sense of sex. Sex to me is a serious thing, its not JUST fun and exciting, but you have to take into account the responsibilities and consequences. Am I sounding like a mother here? :^p

Sure, it's no joke. I don't want a kid or a disease (who does?). We're very responsible and careful in that way. When moms say that to you as a teenager or child, often times they are trying to look out for your emotional health too. I mean, there are always going to be things that come up that you don't expect, something that's awkward. For instance, you could invite a friend into bed with you and he could turn out to be terrible in the sack, you aren't going to want to invite him again. But if they had a good time and want to do it again, it's a tough situation. You want to protect everyone's feelings, but you don't want to have sex with this person again.

It takes real creativity and ingenuity to get out of that sort of situation.

[Mr. Ron]

Well, we've been together for almost 4 years. We are totally compatible in every way. It probably sounds cliche, but she means everything to me...
Sure, it's no joke. I don't want a kid or a disease (who does?). We're very responsible and careful in that way. When moms say that to you as a teenager or child, often times they are trying to look out for your emotional health too. I mean, there are always going to be things that come up that you don't expect, something that's awkward. For instance, you could invite a friend into bed with you and he could turn out to be terrible in the sack, you aren't going to want to invite him again. But if they had a good time and want to do it again, it's a tough situation. You want to protect everyone's feelings, but you don't want to have sex with this person again.

It takes real creativity and ingenuity to get out of that sort of situation.



Good good. But, I am curious as to why you feel the need to be so open in the relationship? (I may have missed something.)

[PerpetualBurn]

I think most people in this thread are missing the fact that whether or not they agree with it, taken as a whole monogamous and monoamorous (sp?) really are on the decline currently.I disagree based on the ambiguity of the term.

People nowadays often have a string of partners, and divorce rates are on the incline, but essentially the societal norm, the aim of most people, is to find a particular individual with whom they would like to solely commit.

[guitrguy]

He likes to mix things up a bit. He likes his vanilla, but also he likes the occasional chocolate, strawberry, mint, and cookie dough too.

[Danish]

Good good. But, I am curious as to why you feel the need to be so open in the relationship? (I may have missed something.)

Why? I don't know, we like sex? :lol: It's not like we only have sex with other people. Once every month or two...

I think mainly because it's fun and exhilarating. It's hawt, you know? I actually like watching my partner have sex with other people. She likes watching me.

I mean, why do people feel the need to play baseball? Plant a garden? It's not that much different. It's a very, very fun pastime!

[Permanent Solution]

I disagree based on the ambiguity of the term.

People nowadays often have a string of partners, and divorce rates are on the incline, but essentially the societal norm, the aim of most people, is to find a particular individual with whom they would like to solely commit.
I would give that a yes, but answer.

Yes, the goal of people is to find a certain partner to be with.

But, they tend not to find that partner. The reason why is that we're so used to getting exactly what we want, that people are less and less likely to stick in an imperfect relationship and help it become what they want. We want immediate fulfillment of our desires. SO while the goal may be to get to monogamy, it is a goal that is never realistically fulfilled because we are too dissatisfied with good partners and continually seeking better. We are also an easily bored generation and in many cases people just get bored and need to move on. We want monogamy but we refuse to commit to it.

[Mr. Ron]

Why? I don't know, we like sex? :lol: It's not like we only have sex with other people. Once every month or two...

I think mainly because it's fun and exhilarating. It's hawt, you know? I actually like watching my partner have sex with other people. She likes watching me.

I mean, why do people feel the need to play baseball? Plant a garden? It's not that much different. It's a very, very fun pastime!

Idk, it seemse to me you both put too much emphasis on sex? I mean no offense, clearly, just an observation.

[DBoons Ghost]

In an attempt to break the pattern which nearly cost me my marriage I have tried to examine why I cheat. I admit it. I cheat on my wife. My wife is a wonderful woman. Loving, caring and deeply romantic and intimate. I, however, am a perverted sexual deviant who never seems to get enough. I am getting older, and I can no longer afford either the emotional or financial burden cheating has left me with. I do not believe in monogomy, but I do believe in committment and honor and integrity.

We as a society have not fallen onto anything new with attempting to break the emotional bond religion has placed on sex with it being an act of emotion rather then passion or lust. I find nothing wrong with acting on lust. It's a valid emotion which needs to be addressed within one's own psyche. I have been married 11 years and there was never a time I didn't cheat. Even when dating. It begs the question why? Why wasn't I satisfied? Was it really my wife's not being good enough at sex for me or was it something I was lacking?


We can debate why all day long. The bottom line is monogomy is a matter of security between two people. Two confident secure people who understand the difference between love and committment as well as lust and desire.

I have learned to me personally that sex without emotion is boring. I don't think I filled the hole or the void, so I continue to reexamine myself and why I do the things I do. I dunno. I don't think this contributed much other then expose some personal hangups but I for one, will further commit myself to making every attempt to no longer be the deviant I am. Most chicks prefer I embrace it, while my wife prefers I continue therapy in an effort to "cure" those ailments.

[Mr. Ron]

In an attempt to break the pattern which nearly cost me my marriage I have tried to examine why I cheat. I admit it. I cheat on my wife. My wife is a wonderful woman. Loving, caring and deeply romantic and intimate. I, however, am a perverted sexual deviant who never seems to get enough. I am getting older, and I can no longer afford either the emotional or financial burden cheating has left me with. I do not believe in monogomy, but I do believe in committment and honor and integrity.

We as a society have not fallen onto anything new with attempting to break the emotional bond religion has placed on sex with it being an act of emotion rather then passion or lust. I find nothing wrong with acting on lust. It's a valid emotion which needs to be addressed within one's own psyche. I have been married 11 years and there was never a time I didn't cheat. Even when dating. It begs the question why? Why wasn't I satisfied? Was it really my wife's not being good enough at sex for me or was it something I was lacking?


We can debate why all day long. The bottom line is monogomy is a matter of security between two people. Two confident secure people who understand the difference between love and committment as well as lust and desire.

I have learned to me personally that sex without emotion is boring. I don't think I filled the hole or the void, so I continue to reexamine myself and why I do the things I do. I dunno. I don't think this contributed much other then expose some personal hangups but I for one, will further commit myself to making every attempt to no longer be the deviant I am. Most chicks prefer I embrace it, while my wife prefers I continue therapy in an effort to "cure" those ailments.

Good post. At least you're identifying the problem.

[guitrguy]

It takes a stronger person to commit, and than to act on whim. Its good to see you are taking the stronger route.

That post also outlines the importance of communication in a relationship, and understanding that your partner may have a different view than you. Understanding those differences, and knowing what you may have to sacrifice (if the relationship is worth it) is good route to a healthy relationship. Monogamous or otherwise.

[DBoons Ghost]

I could have summed it with a simple "omg monogomy is hard". My wife and I remained very close friends. She is my best friend and always has been. That doesn't always equate into healthy sex and strong marriage though.

So Ron, I am intrigued you would view it as a problem. That honestly was my main issue as I never saw it as a problem. It is though. Not because of the deviant part but more because I wasn't happy with myself ever. It's never enough. Never satisfied. I have been in circumstances most man would deem completion of fantasy and still, I was not satisfied. I could never figure out what the hole in me was and how I could fill it so I didn't have to keep doing what I was doing.

Funny thing was my wife finally had herself an affair and she left me for the other dude. I was angry. What gall! I actually had the gall to get pissed because she had an "affair" while I had nameless faceless many that I didn't care about, and the consistment arguement about "which is worse".. a love affair or barely remembering the names and faces of half the women I've banged.

[Mr. Ron]

I could have summed it with a simple "omg monogomy is hard". My wife and I remained very close friends. She is my best friend and always has been. That doesn't always equate into healthy sex and strong marriage though.

So Ron, I am intrigued you would view it as a problem. That honestly was my main issue as I never saw it as a problem. It is though. Not because of the deviant part but more because I wasn't happy with myself ever. It's never enough. Never satisfied. I have been in circumstances most man would deem completion of fantasy and still, I was not satisfied. I could never figure out what the hole in me was and how I could fill it so I didn't have to keep doing what I was doing.

Funny thing was my wife finally had herself an affair and she left me for the other dude. I was angry. What gall! I actually had the gall to get pissed because she had an "affair" while I had nameless faceless many that I didn't care about, and the consistment arguement about "which is worse".. a love affair or barely remembering the names and faces of half the women I've banged.

Which post are you referring to?


Monogamy IS hard. There are so many great women out there, and I sometimes wonder what it would be like with them, but you really have to stifle a lot of those emotions and remember what your current partner means to you.

[DBoons Ghost]

In the post you made quoting mine.. You said "At least you're identifying the problem".

Most wouldn't view it as a problem.

Though you regard emotion has a cause. I don't think emotion is even an issue unless lust and self satisfaction are emotions. I think it's a great feeling knowing you possess the ability to bang some chick sideways and crosseyed, but it doesn't always go that way. I find it's something odd like.. it's a moment of elation followed by days of mental battles in which you always feel like you got kicked in the stomach. Yet, there you are the next day looking for the next skirt to conquer.

Clearly, it is a problem and should be viewed as one. Some people think it's normal and unnatural to be married. Is that a way of us convincing ourselves or is it some social observation that has become fact? Is it an excuse we tell ourselves so we can justify being dogs? I just don't know!

[Danish]

I could have summed it with a simple "omg monogomy is hard". My wife and I remained very close friends. She is my best friend and always has been. That doesn't always equate into healthy sex and strong marriage though.

So Ron, I am intrigued you would view it as a problem. That honestly was my main issue as I never saw it as a problem. It is though. Not because of the deviant part but more because I wasn't happy with myself ever. It's never enough. Never satisfied. I have been in circumstances most man would deem completion of fantasy and still, I was not satisfied. I could never figure out what the hole in me was and how I could fill it so I didn't have to keep doing what I was doing.

Funny thing was my wife finally had herself an affair and she left me for the other dude. I was angry. What gall! I actually had the gall to get pissed because she had an "affair" while I had nameless faceless many that I didn't care about, and the consistment arguement about "which is worse".. a love affair or barely remembering the names and faces of half the women I've banged.

At least you didn't try to fill the hole with heroin...

Would things have turned out differently if you had sex with other people together? A lot of people who have a relationship like mine cite fidelity as the primary reason they have this "lifestyle".

[mph4ever]

Do you think romantic love relationships should be monogamous, or is monogamy an outdated, old-fashioned institution that ought to be tossed to the curb?

depends on the individual, if you can handle it or not, i can handle the idea of be non monogamous, i just have no interest in it

for me and my baby then monogamy exists, on my part, since no one else does it for me. same time i really don't know about L, but then, what i don't know, don't hurt me.

life is too short, if you can handle stirring someone elses porridge then get on with it, just cold porridge never done it for me

[DBoons Ghost]

At least you didn't try to fill the hole with heroin...

Would things have turned out differently if you had sex with other people together? A lot of people who have a relationship like mine cite fidelity as the primary reason they have this "lifestyle".

Well heroin, no. Cocaine? Yes. That's another story though eh?

As to the couples thing, we tried that and it didn't work out. She went out of her norm for me and I think she resented it after a while. We had some fun nights though. She was curious about women more then men so we had some crazy couple friends and we went for it. It never really caused us problems but the couples we goofed with had problems as a result and everyone pretty much stopped talking, as it remains to be to this day. These were already shaky marriages though. The killer is to me, she soon after asked me if I wanted a more open and free marriage and I said yes that would be great, and it caused problems for us because she was merely testing me as women do. That's when our marital problems began. We are currently working to get back to a trustful and safe place within ourselves. A lot of couples don't recover from where we are now, and to introduce something like that now would surely be our end. I also, have no desire to cheat like a dog but it's not like that burning desire went away.. I just subdue it best I can.

[Danish]

Well, part of it is that my partner is bisexual and loves women...

[Danish]

Well heroin, no. Cocaine? Yes. That's another story though eh?

As to the couples thing, we tried that and it didn't work out. She went out of her norm for me and I think she resented it after a while. We had some fun nights though. She was curious about women more then men so we had some crazy couple friends and we went for it. It never really caused us problems but the couples we goofed with had problems as a result and everyone pretty much stopped talking, as it remains to be to this day. These were already shaky marriages though. The killer is to me, she soon after asked me if I wanted a more open and free marriage and I said yes that would be great, and it caused problems for us because she was merely testing me as women do. That's when our marital problems began. We are currently working to get back to a trustful and safe place within ourselves. A lot of couples don't recover from where we are now, and to introduce something like that now would surely be our end. I also, have no desire to cheat like a dog but it's not like that burning desire went away.. I just subdue it best I can.

Yea, we all have a preferred drug of choice, I suppose.

Sounds like the problems in your relationship are a lot more complex than sexual stuff. Relationships are crazy. I guess to have an "open" one, the relationship already has to be fairly healthy and strong.

[Futue te Ipsum]

surely polygamy is easier to type than non-monogamy

[Iskandar]

Totally up to the couple themselves.

[DBoons Ghost]

Yea, we all have a preferred drug of choice, I suppose.

Sounds like the problems in your relationship are a lot more complex than sexual stuff. Relationships are crazy. I guess to have an "open" one, the relationship already has to be fairly healthy and strong.

They are very complex. We've been together since high school. There's a lot to it. We've been through a lot together and I don't want to turn this into some kind of love and relationship thread. I just wanted to add perspective from an old married fart who can't keep his dick in his pants.

In all honesty, I think we're approaching the best place our marriage has ever been in. We've both matured a great deal as a result of the wrongs committed. I will not fail my marriage again if I can help it.

[siva_chair]

True love can only really occur between man and blue skinned alien sex partners, tbh.

You just haven't lived until you get a hummer in a space ship....

As for the actual question of the thread: That is up to the individual to decide. Me personally, I'm a one woman kind of guy (I don't think my brain could handle the massive amounts of irrationality I'd have to put up with if I happened to have more than one), but I can't speak for everyone so it's up to them.

[1338 h4x0r]

Do you think romantic love relationships should be monogamous, or is monogamy an outdated, old-fashioned institution that ought to be tossed to the curb?

Polygamy/amory will only result in more jealousy

[je suis un beau chapeau]

i think that sharing something with one person doesnt nesacarily mean taking away anything from another and that being with only one person doesnt by default make it more meaningful

[Spiritofmosa]

love is a two seater, one more would make it a bit uncomfortable.

[Independent_CA]

I have to say that true love is only possible between two people and no more. I also have to say from experience that it is incredibly rare.

[siva_chair]

I have to say that true love is only possible between two people and no more. I also have to say from experience that it is incredibly rare.

Like I said man, blue-skinned alien sex partners....

[J Rad]

Do you think romantic love relationships should be monogamous, or is monogamy an outdated, old-fashioned institution that ought to be tossed to the curb?

i believe it's perfectly plausible that you could be "in love" for whatever that term is worth, with your significant other, and still have sexual relations with other people as long as there are boundaries and guidelines constructed between you and your primary partner

after all sex is the most intimate form of social interaction but you don't have to attach love to it

the idea that sex is a representation of pure love is a silly cultural ideal sex is nothing more than a physical act which serves as a release for many different emotions

you can have sex with other people and still love your wife/girlfriend/whatever because sex is not the defining act of love

[Independent_CA]

Love is a chemical straight from your genitals.

[PerpetualBurn]

I have to say that true love is only possible between two people and no more.

And what are you basing this on?

[Aaron]

Sex is not love.
Sex all the people you want.
Good luck with your aids.

[Independent_CA]

And what are you basing this on?
Like I said, I base a lot of my opinion on personal experience.

To be more clear, "romantic love" is supposed to be the ultimate form of devotion and basically the apex of human personal relationships. It's something you'd more or less try to maintain above most other aspects of your life. That's why I think it can only really exist between two people.

Sure, you can have "open relationships" or whatever, but that's not love, that's lust.

[McP3000]

Good luck with your aids.
hahaha

okay 4chan

[Smokey D]

Like I said, I base a lot of my opinion on personal experience.

To be more clear, "romantic love" is supposed to be the ultimate form of devotion and basically the apex of human personal relationships. It's something you'd more or less try to maintain above most other aspects of your life. That's why I think it can only really exist between two people.

Sure, you can have "open relationships" or whatever, but that's not love, that's lust.

If you can love your children equally and without prejudice you can probably love two or more adults, even though they're different types of love.

[PerpetualBurn]

Like I said, I base a lot of my opinion on personal experience.

To be more clear, "romantic love" is supposed to be the ultimate form of devotion and basically the apex of human personal relationships. It's something you'd more or less try to maintain above most other aspects of your life. That's why I think it can only really exist between two people.

Sure, you can have "open relationships" or whatever, but that's not love, that's lust.

You could've saved some time if you'd told the truth and replied "Nothing.".

[Independent_CA]

You could've saved some time if you'd told the truth and replied "Nothing.".

You asked.