not really your genre,...

[jacyfarrow]

but i've been workin on a few songs,...
i'm gonna post one for feed back,.....

its kinda, countryish,....but the arrangement is still being worked out,....

honkytonk patterns of beer and the band
i get back that feeling when you held my hand
that night you first kissed me was it really something for you
or just some empty desire to see if you could get through

well my heart will always shiver
i live in a sadness you can't understand
i don't need you to make me happy
i just need you to be my man

i asked you twice is this something you want to see
before you jumped into the ocean of what i could be
now here you are thrashing your way back to land
looking for comfort in the sureness of your dry sand

well my heart will always shiver
i live in a sadness you can't understand
i didn't need you to make me happy
i just needed you to be my man

you say we look good on paper but that's as far it goes
i ain't looking for somethin to read, i'm looking for something to know


well my heart will always shiver
i live in a sadness you can't understand
i didn't need you to make me happy
i just needed you to be my man

just one little picture of you kissin me
that's all that is left as far as i can see...

[TojesDolan]

Cheesy, but not good cheesy like Sixpence Non the Richer. Just cheesy. Not many good lines. Pretty meh.

[Neoteric]

I suppose it could work for a country song, you just overused I a lot and yes, it is extremely cheesy. This would work better if you made it more subtle (metaphors etc.) instead of just bringing the cheese like it does right now.

:)