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[fighttest89]

cool wind on water
chasing waves in winter
and echoing endlessly
in the misty morning haze

waves lift and linger
rolling lost and landing
when at last they reach the sand
the ocean pulls them back

the sand on the shore
moving silently and softly
stretches to water’s edge
and gives in to the sea

i am the wind on the ocean
and the waves on the sea
and the sand on water’s edge
remember how I tried

Critiques are welcome and appreciatted.

[Surtr]

The alliteration is about to kill me.

At first I was like "Damn this is cool" and then it just kept going and going.

Its good, though sorta' repetitive and doesn't go anywheres, but you obviouslly put a fair bit of effort into it considering the patterns that're there.

My personal opinion is that you re-vamp it and do it over and try to eliminate the constant repitition but somehow maintain that same general feel you've established.