overcome

[lilcurtis]

so i was at work trying to kill time and this is the first time i have ever tried to write anything so be kind =P. its prolly a bit literal but oh well.

my heart
is all i have to give
while i hold myself captive
in a cell that has no bars.

and my world
has changed in so many ways
as my darkness turns to day
and my last pain slowly fades

so now the chains are breaking
and i can again roam free
the life i thought was worth taking
has been given back to me

you
you give me strength so i can stand
so i can lend a helping hand
to those that can't break free

so now the chains are breaking
and i can again roam free
the life i thought was worth taking
has been given back to me

and i
i would have fallen without you there
to give me hope when i didnt care
but now it all seems clear

[Nadinus]

and my world
has changed in so many ways
as my darkness turns to day
and my last pain slowly fades

It would make more sense to switch the last two lines around, too keep in with the rest of the rhyming pattern, and I also think it makes more sense.
I'm tired so that's all really. It needs some tidying up in places but otherwise it's good.

[camdizzle]

I'm sure this is very personal. It's not bad, but it's not very original. The whole "you helped me break my chains, now I'm free" thing has bee used so many times, it really doesn't have that powerful of an effect any more. Same with the 'darkness to light.'

[lilcurtis]

yeah i kinda thought it was a bit generic as well. im not much of a writer but figured u gotta start somewhere right =).