Brand new song : Laws of a hollow world

[einzweiveirfunf]

Hey, new song recorded, any feedback welcome

http://www.myspace.com/calumsolo

[indietrashrock]

my two cents:
the intro is quite simply... boring. the rest of the track could be really good if it wasn't for those annoyingly repetitive drums. and turn up the sound on them guitars. and lower vocals.

[einzweiveirfunf]

hmmm.... i wasn't too happy about the intro myself... thanks for the feedback anyways. yeh guitars could be turned up though i also like to have the bass quite noticalble

[indietrashrock]

then turn that bass up too man lol

[Alpha Waves]

drums are a little bland, the vocals are too loud and dont have any tune to them

once the song gets going the guitar riff is quite good, but yeah as already said the bass needs turning up.

[einzweiveirfunf]

haha, the bass always seems loud when down headphones, but then when i put it onto speakers it seems too quiete :(

[indietrashrock]

errr you might wanna not mix with the headphones then

[einzweiveirfunf]

yeh :P

[atarisrock55]

ill review it as I listen!!

it sounds like in the beginning you're hitting all the harmonics on the 5th, 7th, and 12th fret somewhat randomly with delay on it and then using a whammy sometime? The bass keeps the song together decently in the beginning but when it starts soloing around its hard to tell whats going on. My biggest issue with the beginning is that it is the first 1/4 of the song and honestly has nothing to do with the rest of the song...sorry dude but its basically random irritating noise with some REALLY bad 60cycle hum in the background.

When the song actually starts the instrumentals are decent. The lead on the left with the big bend into the tapping is kind of cool but you play it over and over again and it never changes. The chorus part is really only definable from the verse part because there isnt a lead. If the bass is still there at all I definitely can't hear it...and its true that the drums are kind of boring but it sounds like you're using a loop so thats understandable. The 'solo' part sounds like you just play all the parts after the intro again and don't sing. The solo itself is ok, I like how you use two lead tracks and echo some of the parts every once in a while....but the solo overall is just really repetitive and not nearly impressive enough in my opinion to be the entire last 1/4 and the ending of the song.

The vocals are pretty off too dude...there's pretty much no sense of rhythm or melody in the entire song. It sounds like you're mumbling in an angry voice and you aren't sure where to break up your phrases....the utter lack of rhythm makes it sound like you weren't even listening to the song when you recorded the vocals...The chorus part sounds like the part where the guitars cut out and you're supposed to be able to concentrate more on the vocals, but the vocals don't change and this makes the parts bleed together very badly.
I really believe that the rest of the song could be improved to where it would be a pretty good song, but you may be better suited writing all new lyrics and trying to come up with some melodies for them.

The structure of the song is kind of odd too. I heard it like this.

1. Long intro (1/4 song, random noises)
2. verse (cool lead, but repetitive)
3. chorus (sounds very similar to verse but no leads and very short)
4. verse (exactly the same as first verse)
5. long solo/end (1/4 of the song again and basically parts 2,3 and 4 put together with no vocals and a very long repetive solo over everything)
6. Random sounding fall-apart ending (which actually works pretty well, good job on that)

My problem with this is that the song really only has three parts: random sounding beginning, normal part, guitar part/end. There isn't any inherent problem with that but it gives the impression that each part is supposed to show off an aspect of your musicianship (1. ability to write something experimental sounding, 2. ability to come up with good vocals and interesting riffs, and 3. ability to solo well) However, all three parts have the same problem...they're too long, they don't go anywhere or ever really do anything memorable, and they're just generally uninspired. Each part fails to do what it is supposed to (mostly because of length, it sounds like you run out of ideas but keep going anyway) and the song as a whole is just kind of boring. The guitar riffs are pretty cool at times but are made mediocre by the fact that you play them OVER and OVER again, and the vocals take A LOT away from the song as they're completely impossible to understand and don't seem to even really be singing.


I'd recommend utterly scrapping the vocals and writing new ones that concentrate on being rhythmic and melodic, utterly scrapping the intro or at least making it MUCH MUCH shorter, and instead of soloing over the last verse/chorus/verse part to maybe add lyrics to the verse and chorus parts and save the solo for the last verse part. I think if you did that you'd have a much more sensible structure and a pretty good song. Instrumentally, you have good ideas in this song, you just try to stretch them out over too much time and I think you could improve that easily. As for as vocals just keep practicing man, if you really try hard you will get better, I know I did.


I really do apologize if I sound overtly negative, I'm just trying to help : (

[einzweiveirfunf]

Woah, no need to appoligise, i never seen such an in depth review for just 1 song on Sputnik Music :) But anyways, the harmonics were sorta to create a kind of bell chiming sound, but it didn't work out as planned, and i suppose my vocals could be A LOT clearer and much more tunefull.

As for the structure, the part's you labled chorus and verse were meant to be the opposite way round, but it's also all about how the listener interperets it so that's all cool.

But yeh, thanks again for the feedback :)

[atarisrock55]

Woah, no need to appoligise, i never seen such an in depth review for just 1 song on Sputnik Music :) But anyways, the harmonics were sorta to create a kind of bell chiming sound, but it didn't work out as planned, and i suppose my vocals could be A LOT clearer and much more tunefull.

As for the structure, the part's you labled chorus and verse were meant to be the opposite way round, but it's also all about how the listener interperets it so that's all cool.

But yeh, thanks again for the feedback :)

No problem man, I think if you work on this a little you'll have something good

[einzweiveirfunf]

Thanks. :) i tend just to move on to a new song and just try not to repeat old mistakes at the mo, but i s'pose i could "correct" previouse works

[Happy_Squirrel]

OK,

The beginning: you've got an interesting idea, but it just doesn't work. Sorry. I'd scrap it. And like ataris said, that's some bad hum.

Next part: Interesting. Cool how you're soloing over everything. Reminded me of Institutionalized by Suicidal Tendencies. It was a little scattershot in places, but still, it fit. I think the mix needs some work.

The vocals are way too loud and everything else is way too quiet, like it's in the background (though that may have been what you were going for). Honestly, I'm not a big fan of your vocal style on this tune. Also, I think the vocals sound kind of harsh, like you're singing/talking louding than this particular microphone can handle (you mind if I ask what mic you used?).

Definitely good potential. I also agree with ataris that this song could use some extra changes to break the monotony. Axe the beginning and rework the mix, maybe add some different parts and I think you'll have a better song.

[einzweiveirfunf]

Yeh, i might cut out the begging and turn the background up.

As for my mike hmm.... it has no name on it, it's lyke 8 years old and celotaped at the top because i broke it when i threw it on the floor :( Can't really say it's anything special