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ThoughtlessThoughts
10-13-2007, 06:17 AM
She said no.

She then left with a dead refrain.
And certainly all I consider,
is taking my whispers in vein.
Because here in hell,
the only thing that counts,
is the sound of my ****ing name.

To lament is what draws you,
to weep at the sight of my blood soaked hands.
It’s your lament that has drawn you,
since this endeavor first began.

In this moment,
we'll not show fear.
In this particular moment,
everything becomes clear.

All I desired,
Was to strip you of innocence.
And all I desired,
Was to cure your blindness.

And perhaps, in the last breathe,
you'll tell me that you can now see.

ThoughtlessThoughts
10-14-2007, 10:09 PM
Anybody got crits?

Seafroggys
10-14-2007, 10:15 PM
some spelling errors kinda bothered me.

To lament is what draws you,
to weap at the sight of my blood soaked hands.
To lament what beckons you,
your last breath wears down my mourning as sand.

that rhyme sounds force.

ThoughtlessThoughts
10-14-2007, 10:44 PM
Fixed with a few subtle changes.