March of the Slave Children

[Seafroggys]

No shackles are involved
Whips and scars shown nowhere
Battled long and hard
They have, but they've dared

Dared to think for oneself
It is impossible
The trial was like southern black
They were never able

Able to march
With the rest of the children
Awaiting day after day
For the dream to dawn over the shackled horizon
Lets free our slaves

Long lines unintentional
No thoughts of their condition
Playing in their constructed world
No defenses like soccer shins

Shins of fragile bodies
Exactly how they're told
No wonderment of freedom
Its only gold

Gold taboo
Is not just of the exotic
It is for the child's right
Right of existence, right of free range
Rise our slaves out of night

The March of the Slave Children
Can't you see, can't you dream?
The March of the Boundless Mind
Parents try to throw them a grind!

Limbs of fallen children
Tossed all over the field
Slain by your guards' law
Flash back to your room

Room that you're locked in
Crying for your freedom
Want your body to be torn?
Well keep on trying.

Knights
Of the All-range constitution
Not just those 3 times 6
Smart enough to think that
Use your wit and fight to fix!

[7SOR]

Interesting. I'm just about to turn in now, but I'll look it over and comment tomorrow.

[Seafroggys]

uh-huh, sure you did ;)

[7SOR]

No shackles are involved
Whips and scars shown nowhere
Battled long and hard
They have, but they've dared

Dared to think for oneself
It is impossible
The trial was like southern black
They were never able

Able to march
With the rest of the children
Awaiting day after day
For the dream to dawn over the shackled horizon
Lets free our slaves

Long lines unintentional
No thoughts of their condition
Playing in their constructed world
No defenses like soccer shins

Shins of fragile bodies
Exactly how they're told
No wonderment of freedom
Its only gold

Gold taboo
Is not just of the exotic
It is for the child's right
Right of existence, right of free range
Rise our slaves out of night

The March of the Slave Children
Can't you see, can't you dream?
The March of the Boundless Mind
Parents try to throw them a grind!

Limbs of fallen children
Tossed all over the field
Slain by your guards' law
Flash back to your room

Room that you're locked in
Crying for your freedom
Want your body to be torn?
Well keep on trying.

Knights
Of the All-range constitution
Not just those 3 times 6
Smart enough to think that
Use your wit and fight to fix!

Sorry. School's been dragging me down. I'll read over it now.

Okay, First thoughts. I can't really get a good feeling of the poem. I'm understanding there is a heavy and obvious racial theme (maybe directly or used as a comparison) but that's about as far as it goes. I don't htink there's really anything I need to particularly address about the whole poem aside from the punctuation. But somehow, I have the idea that it was intentional. Though I still personally think it takes away from the lasting effect of each line. Anyway, onto the dividing of stanzas and individual thoughts!


No shackles are involved
Whips and scars shown nowhere
Battled long and hard
They have, but they've dared

I get the feeling of an oppression that has been in effect in a verbal sense instead of a physical one. This makes me think of the discrimination against races or the restraint of creativity applied to youth of today. But of these theories have further evidence which I will explain once i get to them.

Dared to think for oneself
It is impossible
The trial was like southern black
They were never able

The line suggests to me a breakaway from conventional ideas and theories. I don't quite understand the southern black reference though. The most I can get out of it is that the southern parts of the states are the most populated with African-Americans. It seems there's a great struggle with whatever the situation at hand is.

Able to march
With the rest of the children
Awaiting day after day
For the dream to dawn over the shackled horizon
Lets free our slaves

Chorus perhaps? The idea of marching seems very soldier like with emphasis on a drawn out war. Could this perhaps be about freeing the people in the middle east from their situation at hand as the concept of having soldiers over there is completely unnecessary? The shackled horizon suggests to me that a land far away is kept in quarantine or kept as prisoners. The situation in the middle east seems to make a plausible connection. Might be a stretch, but I think that's what I'm going with.

Long lines unintentional
No thoughts of their condition
Playing in their constructed world
No defenses like soccer shins

The image of imprisonment within their own country is well supported up until the soccer shins reference. I just couldn't get the connection with this. Maybe you could explain later on?

Shins of fragile bodies
Exactly how they're told
No wonderment of freedom
Its only gold

I feel like I could use further references or explanations to really comprehend fully. This just kind of repeats the message of their imprisonment on seeming unjustifiable terms. They last line annoyed me a little bit as it just ended too abruptly and I think a well placed adjective could make it more effective.

Limbs of fallen children
Tossed all over the field
Slain by your guards' law
Flash back to your room

I get a vague yet vivid description of the battlefield with this stanza. Bodies sprawled across the desolate field for miles. Making a connection with the Government's involvement now as well. Not sure if the last line is to signify that it was a daydream or a reflection back on positive memories.

Knights
Of the All-range constitution
Not just those 3 times 6
Smart enough to think that
Use your wit and fight to fix!

This seems to be a reference to the 18 bench marks of Iraq. Although these changes have been made in the constitution , there's still much more people can do to make it better.

All in all, a solid piece of work. Intriguing style. Very open for self interpretation it seems. Anyway, sorry this is late. If I completely ****ed up on the meaning, please let me know what you were really aiming for. I'd really like to hear what direction you were taking while writing it.

[Seafroggys]

Please note I wrote this in 2004.

I appreciate that you are drawing different images and conclusions from this, I guess that's the ultimate goal of the writer. However, you only made one small reference to what this poem actually means as I intended it. But thanks for the critique!