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mutt
09-25-2007, 01:32 PM
These lyrics are very off the cuff...inspired when listening to some black crowes. crits are welcome.

A sign of the sights is changing
Deep blue thoughts to hypnotic lights,
A reaction to the changing hues,
You called out now I've got my eyes on....

You are the one, another lonely prophet under the sun,
It's a daisy dream, the words you say and what they mean to
Me on my own, such a hollow throne to call a home,
So misses jane, my little sugar cane, what would it take,
to make our love one and the same,

sweet summer kiss, alone in sacred bliss,
fair the world well, will we be missed when

We go on now, to a new habitat,
humanity served its purpose,
social network went down,
that very night, but we had T-1 ethernet.

If I told you would you believe,
you had me on my knees when you were laying down
in your velvet gown, i've grown accustomed to your smell,
not of flowers, but sweat from hours,
of running round in circles after me my,

sweet summer kiss, alone in sacred bliss,
fair the world well, will we be missed when

We go on now, to a new habitat,
humanity served its purpose,
social network went down,
that very night, but when you were at bat.

mutt
09-26-2007, 06:45 AM
BUMP BUMP
I know it's no sonnet but please crit

mutt
09-27-2007, 02:41 PM
Bump!

GorgeousGabe
09-28-2007, 09:09 AM
It's OK, wouldn't say anything better than alright though.
You use a lot of very bland lines, that's all
'sacred bliss'?
come on, I haven't heard that in a million songs before. way to really express yourself as an individual

But other than that, it flows decently, doesn't rhyme very well where it rhymes, and uh... well hey, it's decent so keep it up man, right? right on

TojesDolan
09-28-2007, 09:35 AM
i h8 sonnets

mutt
09-28-2007, 01:30 PM
Sonnets hate what you've become TD...you sonnet hating motherfocker !