Beautiful Bosom Lady

[Seafroggys]

So today was my first day of classes for fall term, and I was eating lunch and thinking about songwriting. I realized that almost all of my songs are either introspective or some political or social dilemma that I wish to bring up and discuss. I've written several love songs. But I realized that like 66% of all Rock Songs ever written are about sex. And I have never written a song about sex, or something sexual. So I wrote these lyrics down in a matter of minutes. This is based off a chick I sat next to in my Business Computing class, whom I must say attracted much of my attention.

Beautiful bosom lady!
Striking out at the corner of my eye
Her small green shirt could barely contain herself

Beautiful bosom lady!
Her exotic voice was stimulating
Breaking out in places I have felt

Shrugging sheepishly like an innocent child
Her desires of mature intentions
Contrast and it makes me hot
I just want to ooo yeah tons and tons!

Beautiful bosom lady!
They don't make buttons strong enough
How and why she is I don't know

Beautiful bosom lady!
Her arch enemy has become mine
Anything to play friend or foe

Oh yeah baby
The beautiful bosom lady
I can't walk close enough
Yeah my beautiful bosom lady!

God now that I'm typing it out I'm realizing how cheezy it is. But aw ****, it'll rock out!

[mutt]

You should definately give her this piece next class!

[Seafroggys]

Hahaha, I don't think that would go over too well ;)

[Surf]

'Bosom' makes it sound like an old woman.

I'm not really a fan of this, but from a objective point, it seems pretty reserved. You say you've never written about sex? Fair enough, because this comes across as a little awkward, as though you're exploring the territory but don't really feel comfortable writing about it at the moment. The descriptions and metaphors and stuff are alright on a technical level, but don't seem to fit:

like an innocent child

This could be seeming to add a pretty dark undertone to the piece, if I wanted to read into it. You may not be going for deep song-writing but the suggestions there, and over the piece, these little things add up and it feels a bit off.

[Seafroggys]

fair enough, some good points. I used bosom because I love the word and it makes it more "upper class" so to speak then using boobs or tits or something.

[cometuesday]

Tits is honest.

[Equus]

Reminds me of "Voodoo Lady".