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View Full Version : What a Day That Was!


Violent_Bill
09-18-2007, 06:48 AM
Just something a little strange I wrote recently.

Come daybreak, we’ll be ugly
Come evening, ugly still
Come death, you best believe
We won’t look beautiful
I woke in blood and perfume
Expecting flesh and stench
Four hands, each one my own
Offered a hand to lend

And my sense of smell became acute
It flogged my other senses
I smelt thick ash and burning trees
I saw lawns and picket fences
In short I was diseased
Fully grown, yet pale and thin
I called up my physician
There’s gotta’ be some pill for this!

Fast forward to Brass Casino
Where we discussed my wretched health
Because medicinal prescriptions
Are a gamble in themselves
And I almost shook my skin off
When he put me on the drip
Much to the delight of
Early crawlers on the strip

And my eyes became like rivers
Which I chased into the sea
Death was chasing murder
And I screamed out, “Not to be!”
And there were four spots on my eye lids
And my limbs were multi-bound
I was inside a spotted box fish
Or so I gathered from the sounds

mutt
09-18-2007, 01:27 PM
Cool *** prose!

I actually got right into this one while reading it, and I would have to say the bet part is that last stanza!

YOU E.A. Poe mofo.

CofDdrums12
09-21-2007, 07:19 PM
Some of it, I didn't get (i.e. the person having four hands, the brass casino, and a spotted fish box).

But I still like it overall. Is there a chorus? Or is it just four...verses or...whatever you're choosing to call them.

I can't think of anything to crit. except for my personal dislike for exclamation points in writing, but whatever.