A song for my love

[Broken_Link]

Alright, since the rules specifically state no bashing other users I will thus bash myself. I am not the greatest anything in the world, whether it is at the guitar, bass or my crude vocal style. But when I combine all my non-talents together I would like to believe I form one semi-talent, and that is the ability the at least write a song. I don't know, I need objective opinion and criticism before I share this with her. Do not feel shy about being a little cruel, I know the rules say no bashing but feel free to criticize this in whatever creative manner you can because I think I need it. I appreciate it. Thank you.

http://media.putfile.com/Nothing-will-bloom

[perriwinkle]

the only thing i dont really like is the whispering.. it just seems cheesy to me. especially at the end. the whole thing has a love ballad feel and i assume that's what you were going for but for that reason it didn't sound particularly creative or innovative. i thought the drums were sort of boring. but i think this song has a different purpose for you so take it how you will. i think the vocals are alright too. but seriously the "my life... my life.. my life..." at the end, and the whispering in the beginning and in the middle... i say nay

[Broken_Link]

the only thing i dont really like is the whispering.. it just seems cheesy to me. especially at the end. the whole thing has a love ballad feel and i assume that's what you were going for but for that reason it didn't sound particularly creative or innovative. i thought the drums were sort of boring. but i think this song has a different purpose for you so take it how you will. i think the vocals are alright too. but seriously the "my life... my life.. my life..." at the end, and the whispering in the beginning and in the middle... i say nay

Thank you for the objective criticism. You're right, the song is not so much innovative or progressive as it is melancholy and depressing. I was going for emotion before progression and so the song may have translated as more of an emo driven piece than something out of the realm of prog rock. I'll listen to the whispering again with a more objective ear, if at all possible.