When I Was In The News

[misscuddlemonster]

critique as much as you'd like
please and thank you



In summer nights on a guitar
He's got the wasted words
Settled down outside a bar
Underage for what it's worth

Says I don't want to grow up
And I'm still just a kid
Forget the dying soldier
I just want to live
There's not a lot to say
There's far too much to give away
Forget that I'm a solider
I just want to live

On darken streets, the black of night
He's heading for her house
To tell her he doesn't feel right
So she'd better just back out

Says I don't want to grow up
And I'm still just a kid
Forget the marriage promise
I just want to live
There's not a lot to say
There's far too much to give away
Forget that I'm a lover
I just want to live

She said
Would it kill you to try?
Would it kill you to try?
She said
Would it kill you to try?
Would it kill you to try?
She said
If it kills you to try
I will die alongside
If it kills you to try
I will die alongside

[CofDdrums12]

Would it kill you to try?
She said
If it kills you to try
I will die alongside

I really like that line, but I think you kill it (no pun intended) with the repitition there.

Also,
Says I don't want to grow up
And I'm still just a kid
This keeps making me think of a Toys R Us commerical.

The rest of it's all right.

P.S. - Not quite sure how the title fits with it. 'In the news' because a dead soldier might be in the news? Or, what. Just doesn't seem to fit too well.

[misscuddlemonster]

hahaha thanks for the critque.
yeah, i'll fix the title