Spis

[ChristophTBM]

Embedded, inside a
sanctuary
Needing to be, set free
Once hiding has ceased
He may be released
Until that moment
Arrives
He could be waiting a long time

Terrified
of the other kind
They're not kind
at all
Pneumonia is kicking in
Loneliness his punishment
Things done in past
Drugs and mental damage
He came in last

Everything confusing
Longing to wake up
Ambient state, can't make a date
His vision is blurring
Gripping hold of reality
His speech is slurring
"She was been the end of me"

Embossed onto a
Memory
Passed alone, he needed me
He never made peace
No real release

His moment came and went, his life spent
Cold and confused in confinement
Alone insane alignment

[Inspiration]

nice! NICE!

[TojesDolan]

You put things well, but it's just the themes I don't dig. They are kind of cliché. Try to look for something more interesting to write about, and try not to be too emotional or personal about it. There are a few syntax issues but those could be worked on.

[ChristophTBM]

I see what you mean about clichés but there aren't any better ways of expressing what I'm trying to put across. It is meant to be quite depressing, a little morbid. The topic of this one is about how an old man is dying alone, and is a bit mental, he's regretting things he's done in the past. Not an idea i've heard.