amalgam

[bmxfelon420]

I worked on this a lot last week, unlike most songs i've written it took a few days to think of it. I welcome your input :D

deathly silence
ackward, angry all at once
make it better
you always blamed me all along

maybe if you died
it wouldnt be my fault
i know that wont happen
maybe if you wait
it'll go away
you know that wont happen

give up on me
maybe that's what i need
hopeless, alone
maybe that's how i belong

maybe if you died
it wouldnt be my fault
i know that wont happen
maybe if you wait
it'll go away
you know that wont happen

why wont it go away
(why wont it go away)
why wont it feel better
why wont it go away
(why wont it go away)
why wont it feel better

maybe if i died
then it would be your fault
i wish that would happen
things will just get worse
the longer that you wait
maybe it should happen

*while the above is repeating, quietly*

i wish that my life was easy
that i could be like you
but that's a bridge too far
maybe someday ill fix it
and it'll all be right
that day might not happen

[bmxfelon420]

bump?

[ChristophTBM]

deathly silence
ackward, angry all at once
make it better
you always blamed me all along



Is it me or does that make no sense. This opening line is very vague. And the line "You always blamed me all along", there's no rhythem to it.


maybe if you died
it wouldnt be my fault
i know that wont happen
maybe if you wait
it'll go away
you know that wont happen

This is the chorus yeah?
Seems ok, the "you know" and "I know" parts are good, it's as if there is communication in there. However what I suggest you look at is structure. This is what i'm seeing, there's not so much rhythem in this which would make it a hard piece to be sung.


give up on me
maybe that's what i need
hopeless, alone
maybe that's how i belong

Very cliché, needs revised.


why wont it go away
(why wont it go away)
why wont it feel better
why wont it go away
(why wont it go away)
why wont it feel better

The backing vocals IMO would sound better if they were saying something different, maybe explain what needs to go away. This is all very vague.


maybe if i died
then it would be your fault
i wish that would happen
things will just get worse
the longer that you wait
maybe it should happen

RHYTHEM! But the reversal is good.


i wish that my life was easy
that i could be like you
but that's a bridge too far
maybe someday ill fix it
and it'll all be right
that day might not happen

"Happen" I see you're sticking to a theme, but try to think of a different word, it has been used enough. It's as if nothing is moving forward.