A Song About A Trees Thoughts

[ChristophTBM]

Sprouting Feathers



Caught by the breeze
Caught by the breeze
Dog & walkers past
I'm tickled by grass
The cold on my leaves
Are lost as I freeze
I can't even sneeze
Just caught by the breeze



Pouring rain
Pouring rain
My hairs getting soaked
My life is a joke
Pouring rain
Who am I to complain
I make the air
So you make me a chair
And when you sit down
Your fate will be drowned



People are beneath me
People are beneath me
Everything but the sky
Some sad kid tried to use me
To hang himself and die
And she is beneath me
I wish my roots
Could put on some boots
Run off the runway
That'll be the best day.

Hollow me out and fly.

[TojesDolan]

I know you are eager to post but it's only a song per day.

Read the rules.

>_>

[ChristophTBM]

I'm bumping this as a kind of re-post.

Thoughts?

I know a few parts are a bit cliché... couldn't think of a better word for it though.

[Silverhammer]

i was expecting something deeper than this. the first stanza is what made me believe that this was going somewhere good, but somehow it managed to talk about suicide, and that didn't make any sense or spark interest. it's a great idea to work on, but the suicide bit drags it down. i would focus more on symbols of the tree, what it can be or what you you can tack upon it to make a new image. see the image of a tree in a new light rather than being personified as a person who wants to run away...well, i guess that can work too, but that suicide stuff, i've heard enough of it.

[ChristophTBM]

How the hell would you feel being stuck in the same place for as long as you live...

Pretty **** I would imagine.

[Silverhammer]

....i said that idea can work. it's the suicide stuff that's old. you could have picked from anything car accidents, kids being abused, murders, rapes, positive jogging couples, old women feeding ducks that pass by, things usually associated with parks which was the image i got from the line "Dog & walkers past". maybe it was that that made a girl committing suicide at a park sound so far fetched. if you place the image of it being a neighborhood or a tree that the girl had some attachment to (like her boyfriend carved their names in the tree, the tree then can feel the girls pain and would then want to "run away" escape like she did).

[ChristophTBM]

I see what you mean.

I'll revise it tomorrow :)