Shes not here

[Seeders]

My love is gone
like yesterday
I can not change
anything

What I did wrong
Is a mystery
It must be a
part of me

Wrote her this song
But shes not here tonight
So I'll skip this line
And this line

This song's too long
For what she deserves
So I quit

[CofDdrums12]

I see your songs are short and...without a point.
But had they one, I'm sure they'd go straight to it.

[Kage]

Not good.

[Eliminator]

what kage said

[ChristophTBM]

Did this take you like a minute to write?

[Seeders]

The lyrics are short, the songs are longer.
I dont really care if the words aren't "good", people dont listen anyway.
And no, it took me about 5 minutes.

[ChristophTBM]

Go get a thesaurus, think up some words that are longer.

I'm guessing that this is about a lost love or something. Instead of I Quit for an ending, try something like, "I did my best, so now I digress..."

More thought into songs gives them more meaning.

[Seeders]

Go get a thesaurus, think up some words that are longer.

I'm guessing that this is about a lost love or something. Instead of I Quit for an ending, try something like, "I did my best, so now I digress..."

More thought into songs gives them more meaning.

im not giving her a nice little rhyme at the end that gives it meaning. Im bitter as hell and she hardly deserves the song at all. Also, longer words just make the singing that much more boring. People dont listen, especially at parties. If the songs are simple enough, a few people may get it and thats what im going for.

I dont mean to come across as "BLAH THIS IS MY SONG, ITS PERFECT", im just saying where i'm coming from. The reason I posted this was for the different approach I took in writing it. I want people to feel the bitterness i have for this girl. I understand its almost impossible to appreciate plain lyrics without music, but I just dont have any recordings.

[ChristophTBM]

I see. I've also written songs about a twat of an ex i once had. Still though, if the lyrics are bad then the song seems bad, and the band will seem bad, and who's doing this? The cunt of an ex.

[strawberry sanga]

i think the song could have sum better words in it, but i believe that sum of the best songs written didn't have the most wordy or 'poetically right' lyrics...

[Surf]

i think the song could have sum better words in it, but i believe that sum of the best songs written didn't have the most wordy or 'poetically right' lyrics...

The wonderful thing about poetic rhetoric is that it can be applied to anything, so even if there doesn't look like anything's happening, people could say that there was 'excellent use of Tmesis' or something.

But subjectivity. and stuff.

But in this case, there really should be something else going on. It tries to be a bit ironic, tries a bit to break the forth wall, but its done in a very half arsed way. Like someone earlier said, it seems like it took you a minute to write. Now whilst this may tie into the rest of the song, the sens of giving up half way through would actually work better if you had seemed to put any effort into the start.

So there's a good idea, like the deteroirating thing, but you definitely need to work on the start, at least to have some decent contrast, otherwise it seems like a copout.

[Raidonko]

im not giving her a nice little rhyme at the end that gives it meaning. Im bitter as hell and she hardly deserves the song at all. Also, longer words just make the singing that much more boring. People dont listen, especially at parties. If the songs are simple enough, a few people may get it and thats what im going for.

I dont mean to come across as "BLAH THIS IS MY SONG, ITS PERFECT", im just saying where i'm coming from. The reason I posted this was for the different approach I took in writing it. I want people to feel the bitterness i have for this girl. I understand its almost impossible to appreciate plain lyrics without music, but I just dont have any recordings.

Personally, I don't see the point in writing a song, if the subject you're writing about doesn't deserve to even have a song. I mean come on, I've written some songs (which I will post later) that completely trash the person I'm bitter towards.

As for people listening to the song... "¬_¬ If nobody likes the lyrics, all anybody will be thinking about is why is this guy even singing to us? I'm not saying you should throw in some huge words... But I think you should definitely put more detail into it. If you want people to feel your bitterness, let them know exactly how you feel... That will get them interested enough.

[johnb73]

it sounds almost like tis meant to be a satire type of thing haha
i like it a lot, simple prolly easy to sing(or talk even) while playing a guitar or somethign along those lines... id listen at a party or small venue

[La Revolucion]

I understand its almost impossible to appreciate plain lyrics without music
Not if they're good. And these are terrible.