Sugar Rush

[Seeders]

CHORUS:
I've had too much
Sugar
Nothin tastes much
Gooder
Must be a slow
Learner
Must be a slow
Learner

Hey baby want to walk with me?
Maybe just to talk with me?
Lady just acknowledge me!
YOU'RE SO PRETTY, SO PRETTY!

[chorus]

Everybody look at me!
Come on people follow me!
Aren't you ****ers listening?
THIS IS NOTHING, ALL NOTHING!

[chorus]

C'mon hunny, you and me
C'mon hunny, you and me
C'mon hunny, you and me
COME ON HUNNY, COME ON HUNNY

[CofDdrums12]

Um, what?

[DrummerBoy0827]

Hmm........ Uh, yeeeaaahh........:confused:

[Seeders]

I guess you'd have to hear it

[ChristophTBM]

Sounds like it should be sung by les claypool with Tommy The Cat for the music...

But then maybe not.

[planewreck]

Gooder? :confused:

[ChristophTBM]

Bonus points for made up words!! How's that for originality, haha!!

[Seeders]

Gooder? :confused:

:naughty:

[ChristophTBM]

Clever that.

Gooder = Non existant word

The he mentions being a slow learner. Ace.

[Seeders]

Clever that.

Gooder = Non existant word

The he mentions being a slow learner. Ace.

and the eating sugar part. Im trying to sound like an insane frustrated child in an adults body.

[ChristophTBM]

Or just a kid with ADHD?

[username_is_taken]

sounds like a system of a down song, selll it to them and make moneyzzzz

they are the only ones who could pull it off, and it only makes u look bad so get rid of it, might as well make money while ur at it. :lol:

[Seeders]

sounds like a system of a down song, selll it to them and make moneyzzzz

they are the only ones who could pull it off, and it only makes u look bad so get rid of it, might as well make money while ur at it. :lol:

riiiighhhtttt.....

[Ratmlz]

well i can tell it's how you want a girl to notice you,but it's kinda,i mean gooder? maybe if i heard it with music i would'nt mind but i still don't know about the word gooder(crit mine yo,its called Pulse)

[ChristophTBM]

I like the word "Gooder"

Just for pure comic value.

[toxicmudd]

nah i see hwere he's coming form, as a poem its shite, sorry mate no offense it really is tho. As a song however, i could really see it as a high pitched indie whine or emoscreamo enter shikari stuff lmao, where it wud actually work fairly well

[Seeders]

Last time I checked this wasn't a fockin poetry forum.

and fock emo.

[zer0gauge]

feels very rockabilly to me, if that's what you were going for it kinda fits.

[Eliminator]

yeah guys this isnt a fockin poetry forum

[zer0gauge]

maybe, maybe not. but song lyrics are poetry.

[Surf]

Last time I checked this wasn't a fockin poetry forum.

and fock emo.

hahaha (i've just lost alot of respect for you btw).

the song tries too hard to accomplish an obivous (and kind of dull) goal. the deliberate mispellings don't really offer any inisight; as you've seen they just distract people from the overall idea. tbh there's not enough here to fully sketch in the character that you want to. some of the lines are unneccessary and don't really do anything, so try changing those out to really show the audience the character that you're trying to create.

[Eliminator]

this isn't fockin poetry

THIS IS ROCK N ROOOOLLL

[Surf]

THIS

IS


ROCK

and

ROLL

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


/kicks persian

[Inspiration]

i like it. good luck in the music industry, i think you will do just fine. (*THEN HE GAVE A THUMBS UP SIGNAL TO IMPLY A BESTOWMENT OF GOOD FORTUNE UPON THE ROCK AND ROLLING MAN*)

[Seeders]

hahaha (i've just lost alot of respect for you btw).

the song tries too hard to accomplish an obivous (and kind of dull) goal. the deliberate mispellings don't really offer any inisight; as you've seen they just distract people from the overall idea. tbh there's not enough here to fully sketch in the character that you want to. some of the lines are unneccessary and don't really do anything, so try changing those out to really show the audience the character that you're trying to create.

thanks for the crit. You lost respect for me why? you an emo kid? if so, right back at ya.

this isn't fockin poetry

THIS IS ROCK N ROOOOLLL

:lol:

seriously though. There are way too many threads created in the "Songwriting Forum" that contain poetry that was never intended for a song.

[Surf]

thanks for the crit. You lost respect for me why? you an emo kid? if so, right back at ya.


no i lose respect for your seemingly bigoted and irreverent opinions, as well as the quick dismissal of an entire musical genre (and what you hope amounts to a personal insult) based on nothing more than a sentence or two.

please refrain from using the term 'emo' in the future. i actually think there's something in the rules about it...



seriously though. There are way too many threads created in the "Songwriting Forum" that contain poetry that was never intended for a song

there should be no difference in the way you approach writing both lyrics and poetry: the two are essentially the same, especially considering the medium we are using.

[Seeders]

no i lose respect for your seemingly bigoted and irreverent opinions, as well as the quick dismissal of an entire musical genre (and what you hope amounts to a personal insult) based on nothing more than a sentence or two.

please refrain from using the term 'emo' in the future. i actually think there's something in the rules about it...

there should be no difference in the way you approach writing both lyrics and poetry: the two are essentially the same, especially considering the medium we are using.

My opinions are as they are, and I'll state them as such. Otherwise I'd be lying or censored. Do you like censorship?

Quick dismissal? Because I said "fock emo"? Its not a quick dismissal, its rooted in the essence of emo and the whole of my experience with it. It sucks. That is an opinion, not a fact. If you like emo music, then you get a completely different thing out of music than I. Fine. But, in my opinion, fock emo. Its a sold out genre that has no sincerity whatsoever. It sounds to me like a mcdonalds cheeseburger.


about the poetry thing, I see your point...but it still bugs me. when people crit my writings they usually look at it from a poetic-only standpoint. People fail to imagine songs, especially light hearted "meaningless" ones like this one, and only look at the lyrics like they're going in a book. They dont ask what the voice sounds like, the music, the attitude, or ANY of the other dimensions that can come with music.

[Surf]

My opinions are as they are, and I'll state them as such. Otherwise I'd be lying or censored. Do you like censorship?

you've made you're own point redundant with such flippant claims

Quick dismissal? Because I said "fock emo"? Its not a quick dismissal, its rooted in the essence of emo and the whole of my experience with it. It sucks. That is an opinion, not a fact. If you like emo music, then you get a completely different thing out of music than I. Fine. But, in my opinion, fock emo. Its a sold out genre that has no sincerity whatsoever. It sounds to me like a mcdonalds cheeseburger.


its a quick dissmissal because you shove aside an entire genre (however you chose to understand the definition of this genre) in two words; i would arhue that that's a pretty quick dissmissal. my musical tastes are irrelevant. genre should have no sway over lyrical content anyway, so the point is null and void.

about the poetry thing, I see your point...but it still bugs me. when people crit my writings they usually look at it from a poetic-only standpoint. People fail to imagine songs, especially light hearted "meaningless" ones like this one, and only look at the lyrics like they're going in a book. They dont ask what the voice sounds like, the music, the attitude, or ANY of the other dimensions that can come with music.


in a forum where the means of judgement is primarily text based (pretty much only text based actually), then tone and inflection and all that stuff should have no influenece. at the core of the matter, lyrics are still lyrics. you can pack as much emotion behind a vocal delivery as you want, but a shie lyric is still a shie lyric.

if you want criticism of the music, go to audio arena, or even jam session, s&l is predominantly lyrically based.

[Dinosawesome]

My opinions are as they are, and I'll state them as such. Otherwise I'd be lying or censored. Do you like censorship?

Quick dismissal? Because I said "fock emo"? Its not a quick dismissal, its rooted in the essence of emo and the whole of my experience with it. It sucks. That is an opinion, not a fact. If you like emo music, then you get a completely different thing out of music than I. Fine. But, in my opinion, fock emo. Its a sold out genre that has no sincerity whatsoever. It sounds to me like a mcdonalds cheeseburger.


about the poetry thing, I see your point...but it still bugs me. when people crit my writings they usually look at it from a poetic-only standpoint. People fail to imagine songs, especially light hearted "meaningless" ones like this one, and only look at the lyrics like they're going in a book. They dont ask what the voice sounds like, the music, the attitude, or ANY of the other dimensions that can come with music.
Wow you new guys just get dumber and dumber.

neg'd

[Seeders]

its a quick dissmissal because you shove aside an entire genre (however you chose to understand the definition of this genre) in two words; i would arhue that that's a pretty quick dissmissal. my musical tastes are irrelevant. genre should have no sway over lyrical content anyway, so the point is null and void

its not a quick dismissal for saying something about it online. Emo has been around for years and I've heard a lot of it through friends, radio, etc. I can easily say an entire genre is crap since the entire emotion they're trying to put forth is not what I want out of music. I dont care what you say about it.

in a forum where the means of judgement is primarily text based (pretty much only text based actually), then tone and inflection and all that stuff should have no influenece. at the core of the matter, lyrics are still lyrics. you can pack as much emotion behind a vocal delivery as you want, but a shie lyric is still a shie lyric.

lyrics at the core are not just words bud. If I posted up lyrics for some old blink 182 songs, they'd look like crap on paper, but the songs themselves are actually pretty good. The "shiitty" lyrics actually add to the music because they have personality. Not all songs are serious, and when somebody posts up lyrics here as such they are compared to poetry. its not always poetry, and good songs dont have to be poetic.

EVEN if this is a text based medium, text can be used to convey a lot. For example, I can tell you that the whole point to this song is to convey a sense of lunacy, immaturity, and high amounts of energy. Its not here to make you think hard. Its not a poem. Now if you go back and read the lyrics, with what I just told you through text in mind, you can see a bit clearer what the song is supposed to be.

Wow you new guys just get dumber and dumber.

neg'd

elaborate. low post counts mean nothing, and attacking me with that is pretty foolish.

[Octavius]

WOW big words! Here's one: PRETENTIOUS!

[Seeders]

me??

[Octavius]

Nope