One More Night

[The Sludge]

I'm in here basically for some help. I wrote my first complete song very recently and I want to play it for my girlfriend (how cute). I would like to hear ways to make it better or anything on it. I also don't know how to formally critique songs though I'll try to, since I know there is a limit of one. But if anyone can help me out, please and thank you.

One More Night

Tears down your face
my mind can't erase
the memories of hurting you

Time is on our side
every moment we hide
brings me closer to you

And we can make it last just one more night, one more night, just one more night
Set aside our broken swords and end this fight, end this fight, tonight

Cause without you
my life is hell
My heart feels like a hallowed shell

I live with my mistake
but cant replace
what you gave to my soul

And we can make it last just one more night, one more night, just one more night
Set aside our broken swords and end this fight, lets end this fight, tonight

I miss your touch
run down my hair
I wish you can see
I really do care

And we can make it last just one more night, one more night, just one more night
Set aside our broken swoards and end this fight, lets end this fight, just end this fight...

tonight
tonight
tonight
tonight

And we can make us last all our lives, all our lives, oh all our lives
Set aside our differences, work with our hearts, with our hearts, ohh work with our hearts tonight

[bmxfelon420]

Although its probably just the way that it looks when written down, you might want to pay attention to how you split lines up. Not knowing how it will be played really doesnt help, but that's always something i try to look at. But overall, i think it's pretty good. I hope she likes it :D

[Abaddon2005]

It's pretty damn cheesy, but I assume you're already aware of that.

[The Sludge]

Ahh, I know it's cheesy, but that's basically the point. Like our one year anniversary is on the 16th, but recently been fighting alot, near the point of breaking up, and I wanted to play this for her on that day. I have already found a way to play it with standard chord format.

[Abaddon2005]

Ya, it'll do the trick then :thumb: