The Two Portraits: Inspection And Introspection

[DeadReligion]

Yeah, I know it's long...

The Two Portraits: Inspection And Introspection

“Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed.”
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Reality hit me like a friend;
So something deep within.

Immediately my mind and organs
Spun a three-sixty.
The pain in my chest has only
Psychological symptoms.
That comes from watching us torture each other
Hate with no good reason; a prejudice.
A destruction of the freedom to speak.
I look forward to political revolution
And the day we can storm the modern day Bastille.
I look forward to the day when we do not hate
Because of insecurities, and of the fear
Of the people we truly are
Under our flesh.

Immediately my mind and organs
Spun a three-sixty.
There is no rescind in human nature.
It’s all about victory. Pugnacious victory.
You can take it and shove it.
And who cares about jailing the potheads
And the meth freaks.
Thousands of people are being murdered.
On dirty, vomit-covered streets.
And I must say, I do not care
About that celebrity who OD’d
Particularly not when thousands are dying
In pointless war.

So look as Narcissus once did, into that lake
Of human complacency and unjustified mirth.
I’ll just leave my mind to spin in disbelief.

These are my thoughts
And the emotions I hold
Close to my vest.
Scared because this world
Allows for absolutely no sympathy.
So I’ll just hide behind the books.
The books I pray to for answers that never come.
Not in science and not in religion.
Call me pessimistic but a pessimist is just a realist
With a worse reputation.
But I do hold an irreversible affection for life
Even while terrified of what is around the next corner.
It’s as gentle as the caress of a lover’s cheek.

The anger I have is not
A misanthropic anger.
It is a sociopolitical anger.
A hate for every misanthropic televangelist
And every morally-skewed president.
Stop.
The love I have is not given out like candy
It is for those who truly about
The expression and the safety of others.
The protection of human rights
Because the Declaration is not a suggestion
Like a warning on a pack of cigarettes.

These are my two portraits
Whether you like them or not.

[RunAmokRampant]

black dotted. I 'll crit this if your willing to crit mine which is pretty long as well.

[TojesDolan]

Hmm. Well, this is not really a piece, it's more of a rant.

Well, it's a ranting piece, heh.

I wouldn't really rely on this as a piece I'd sing, it feels like a rap, or a hip hop song, for some reason.

Opening lines are ace, anyway.

First stanza, the last line ends up abruptly, it lacks flow somehow, maybe needs a bit of work there.

Second stanza, try to go over the drug theme with a bit more... class. It feels extremely vulgar as it is, and there's no sense of lyricism whatsoever. Nonetheless, the inherent nature of the piece might make it look out of place, but see if you can make it a bit less... cheesy.

Call me pessimistic but a pessimist is just a realist
With a worse reputation.

I think I've seen this quote before in my life? Sounds familiar.

Anyway, all I have to say is the piece is very straightforward and says things "as are", so props on not making it extremely cheesy. Nonetheless, as I stated there are sections that sound a bit weird because of the context they are in, as well as random sentences here and there that don't look bad or hinder the reading but they are kind of cheesy.

I'll try to point out later which ones they are.