Content in Decadence - like it?

[matija]

Content in Decadence
(M. Kukuruzovich, 12.mj. 2006.

Verse 1
B1 Maybe once or twice in shade of sacred tree
B2 In garden of delight, sacred
T Maybe, in one of my dreams
B1 That i asked myself, what's behind my dreams
B2 In garden of dewlight, sacred
T Maybe, in one of my dreams
B1 I laid my hands on wine, thought I'd really see
B2 In the state of gods, divine
T Just can't be, can't be that I'm mistaken
B1 But all I saw were demons, nothing as it seems
B2 Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing to believe
T No, no, no, why can't we just ...

Chorus
All: Leave me alone
Let darkness eat my mind
All our gods are dead
And Men were always blind
Leave me alone
Let darkness eat my mind

Verse 2
B1 Blow in the seashell, boy
B2 Gathering
T Blow blow blow call
B1 Pour us ten times water, and five wine
B2 Unleashing your spirits
T Pour pour pour me wine
B1 Join this party, pretty boy
B2 Decadence, deviance
T Touch touch i'll touch you now
B1 And let your master Bakho flow with pleasure down your spine
B2 Is this love
T In and out and in and out and in and out and in and out
B1 Girl, you are dancing with loveliness of mountain spring
B2 Words words words i'm just a box of words
T In the start i'll compliment and in the end i'll
All: Girl, come and lie with me or gods will cut your string

Verse 3
B1 Fingers! Skin!
B2 Body to body!
T Love!
8x

Chorus

Verse 4
All: Gods, are you here?
No greater power over me,
Priest of the forest is god of all land
I don't believe, i create beliefs
And just because i will turn into sand
Doesn't mean i can't enjoy my life
My mother is pride and my father is strife.

Short instrumental

Verse 3 4x

Chorus 2x

This is a three voice song, for tenor, baritone and bass (T, B1, B2)

It's about the cyclic repeating of states of civilization.
Ancient Mesopotamia fell to the Assyrians and then to Persians.
Ancient Greece and all the Mediterranean fell to Rome
Rome fell to Germanic and Slavic peoples.
And now America, a direct descendant of the european middle ages...

[CofDdrums12]

Hm, I seemed to quite enjoy it.
Yeah - that's a topic that was brought up in my history class, and something we don't always think about. We're no less likely to fall as a civilization than anyone else.

Good work!

[Surf]

You start off well, the first verse has some nice ideas and is quite well voiced. But the chorus is pretty nasty. It seems very cliche ridden and the ideas and stale and a bit bland. Try to keep it with more subtle metaphors. If you want to sound more mature, I would reccommend steering away from phrases like 'let darkness eat my mind' which just sounds silly and obtuse.

You've got a good theme here. You seem very musically driven, so just work on refocusing the lyrics. Make better use of imagery and metaphor. If you theme is nature, use natural metaphors, if its about god, maybe use faith based metaphors. For the theme you've gone for, the metaphors and imagery and tone seem unbalanced and quite forced. Look at the s&l guide for a bit of help with things like this.

[CofDdrums12]

yah dude, the guide.
like, total-E.

cuz wut r we w/o a Guide of some sort?!?!



I apologize, that was rude.

[Pirate Satellite]

I wouldn't even use a chorus at all.
The second verse is especially strong. The first one starts nicely, but it's a little redundant-- this could be just because I can't really hear it in my head with the three voices. I think that maybe you could have more variation in the wording--
I think it's got potential to be a really nice song, even though I think I liked it better when I was actually taking it to be a song about liking wine drinking and forests, because I do.
Hook us up with a recording.

[matija]

thanks
i wrote this song about 6 months ago, a bit into d&w at that time