Your Mind Belongs To Us!

[Ratmlz]

Your mind
belongs to us
let me
fill it with dust

Answer to cats
and dogs with bones
quit the endless banter
so the story goes

umbrellas protect
you from those things
that make your
prescious thoughts ring

bulls running
from empty fields
with orange trees
glowing green


Your mind
belongs to us
let me
fill it with dust

you knock
when the door
breaks open
with laughter

as the plaster
molds itself
you can see
your face melt

Your mind
belongs to us
let me
fill it with dust

[Ratmlz]

bump?

[Ratmlz]

double bump?

[bowl of oranges]

This piece screams forced to me. Go and check out the writing guide stickied at the top of the forum for tips on improving.

[toxicmudd]

i agree it seems you have tried too hard to make it rhyme, drawn a blank and created a vague imagery