Soundscapes And Lullabies

[TheBigMachine]

"blah blah gay title you feg:angry: " yeah i know but ill change it later.

And the soundscape stretches out before me -
If only this were reality...

Red moonlight shines through waxed windows, glazed
My eyes; lost and out of focus, find clarilty in
Opaque transparency.

The oxymoron of my imagination leaves me
Lost in the woods of a melody.

Lands of fantasy, crafted merely from
Imaginations and soundwaves: close my eyes
To open in colour and life.

[trippedhimself]

i really liek it. brings to mind vivid colors. a cool trip. good work mate

[PsychoTronn]

i love it

[TheBigMachine]

thanks guys :)

[Surf]

The imagery is great, can't really fault you there, but I wonder whether there's enough depth to the piece?

The point seems to be focused on the effect of music and imagination etc, which is fine, but it never leaves there - there's no growth over the piece.

Try getting a starting point, evolve and arc something over the top, be it characterisation or narration. It doesn't even have to be much, just something to flesh out the (very good) imagery.

So yeah. Great work, some great images, but they need to have a bit more of a point behind them. Unless I'm missing something...

[Also; I'll edit in the other crit, so I don't bump it back up. Can't find much to say about it anyway, again good work - it has the depth to go with the imagery]

[TheBigMachine]

thanks man.
so i owe crits left right and centre i better get on the job, thanks again.