lololol

[i am the robots]

So sick from self-absorbed whores
Controlling everything
So sick of constant need to attend
To an empty mind and a fickle heart

A mediocre plague to cool the heart to luke-warm
Darling, you've become the bird-flu

Caught between the grip and pinch
Of what reels me in
The stitching runs in circles
And endlessly repeats
Please God, say it's over

[i am the robots]

This isn't really about the content, just venting the basic idea and structuring it to the guitar.

[PsychoTronn]

it's over

[DeadReligion]

^ Someone thinks a little bit too highly of themselves...Lol. but anyway, I liked this Eleventeen. The last line is the only one I didn't care for. Just bored me.

[i am the robots]

No, this piece was utter trash.

I'm gonna fix it soon.

Expect a mesh of this and substance.

[TojesDolan]

I'll help to you to put this on context now will I? :)

So sick from self-absorbed whores
Controlling everything
So sick of constant need to attend
To an empty mind and a fickle heart

OK since self-absorbed is kind of the train of thought here, I'd go for some simile in order not to be so... straight forward. Say, use a historically significant character to relate this to. I'm not much of a fan to use them, but o well, it can be fitting. Cleopatra, maybe? Or Narcissus, for that matter. Use something related to that, I guess, it could be useful.

Last 2 lines are good.


A mediocre plague to cool the heart to luke-warm
Darling, you've become the bird-flu

First line is OK, second line could be something more... like the black plague or something more tr00 kvlt of that order.

Caught between the grip and pinch
Of what reels me in
The stitching runs in circles
And endlessly repeats
Please God, say it's over


Hum... I don't know what to say about this. I don't really dig it,but maybe work a bit out the context? You know, work on the stitching and being drawn to an endless void.

that's about as much as I can help sorry. :(

[i am the robots]

I wanted you to crit the thing I actually spent time on, Tojes. :(

[TojesDolan]

But I critiqued! :(