No Direction

[Iceman-rocker]

First ever submission, critique if u want. if not, then :smash: HAHA JK!

Enter the hated guilt
destroyed the lives we built
our fearful leaders turn their backs
deaht's pursued life is consumed by its haunted past

Like a three headed beast
one speaks the truth the others can not
Cut off the head that lies
so i will not be taken into perilous nights

A lost god denies his throne
the vastness of space is left with no direction

irate emotions overtake the soul
rationality is cast away like the infected

I gave my life
i won't be left alone
i won't be left alone

[Iceman-rocker]

bump?

[DeadReligion]

The rhymes are terrible. Being honest, I didn't like this piece much. It's all over the place. From fearful leaders to three-headed beasts, to god, to emotions and rationality to giving your life away. The couplets were really good, but had nothing to do with each other, the piece seems like a bunch of random stanzas thrown together.
The last three lines should just be chucked.
You misspelled death. Spell check before posting, man.

[Iceman-rocker]

thanks for the crit.

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