Never

[liz123]

Eyes met your eyes and were answered with a drummers beat,
In the bottom of my heart.

I hear the sound of a thousand birds singing in my ear,
Outcorner street where the preachers preaching and I can feel my heart beating,
Castaway this fear;
I may have fallen to my feet
Refusing to stand just so you can help me up.
But this hand thats helped me move,
Is like a one way mirror, but I can see right through.

You are the one, (that makes me feel this way)
I feel alive (when I see your face and pray)
That you'll be mine,
But Ive got nothing, got nothing.

When river's flow and the turbulance is high,
Like a rush to the head, I can nearly touch the sky.
Your beauty radiates like the sun in the night,
A swan in the ocean,
Like a painting in a shed or music in a vacuum.

We are together again, the night surrounds us now,
and the stars they shine brighter than your eyes. (but they always did anyway)

You were the one, (that made me feel this way)
I felt alive (when I saw your face and pray)
That you'd be mine,
But Ive still got nothing, got nothing.

Remember all that time we spent (together as one)
no, wait that was a dream, (thats why we had so much fun)

This feeling isnt mutual, never was, never is, never will.

[risesirrise]

The subject matter and the context was great. However, it did not flow well at all especially towards the beginning, which happens to be a very important part of the song. I say you work on that a little but you've definitely got something going here.

[Surf]

this was quite good, but needs work in a few places.

The opening line is very good, as were several of the other verses but you need to watch out for when the lines begin to sound too much like prose. cut out some unncecssry words and, like the post above says, focus on the flow.

For most of the piece you do well to avoid cliche, but in a few parts (especially what I'll assume is the chorus) you fall a bit flat. The chorus needs some more original ideas, because right now its all been heard before.

Finally, don't feel the need to rhyme lines; some of the rhymes really hinder the flow and undermine the work of the preceding line.