The Guardian

[Surtr]

Another of my Power Metal songs...






Verse I
As My Forefathers Before Me,
I Will Fight To Death,
For My Country, For Our Glory,
‘Till Nothing Shall Be Left,

And As They Come For Me,
Upon This Ever Dark Night,
My Men Take Up Their Arms,
Prepared For The Oncoming Fight,

They Arrive Outside My House,
Their Carriages Gather ‘Round,
I Watch From The Window Above,
I Look Below To The Ground,

And There They Stand,
Prepared For A Secret War,
Their Guns Are In Hand,
They’ve Come To Settle Score,

Chorus
My Forefathers Forgive Me,
For I Have Revealed It All,
Upon That Fateful Night,
My Back Against The Wall,

And If We Shall Fail,
Let The Good Lord Strike Me,
Dead Shall I Fall,
If We Would Lose It All..

Verse II
I Run Out Of The Room,
And Down The Stairs I Flee,
Towards The Secret Room I Head,
Hoping No One Will See,

And As I Arrive,
Upon Reaching The Secret Door,
I Hear A Gun Shot,
And A Bullet Strikes The Floor,

I Look Across The Hall,
To Where A Man Stands,
His Pistols Raised, Ready,
One In Each Of His Hands,

And As I Stop There,
Frozen With Pure Fear,
I Begin To Whisper Aloud,
For Only Me To Hear,

Chorus
My Forefathers Forgive Me,
For I Have Revealed It All,
Upon That Fateful Night,
My Back Against The Wall,

And If We Shall Fail,
Let The Good Lord Strike Me,
Dead Shall I Fall,
If We Would Lose It All..

Verse III
I Reach Underneath My Jacket,
To Where My Pistol Lies,
And As I Pull It Out,
I Look To His Eyes,

With The Pull Of A Trigger,
His Body Goes Faint,
I Return To The Door,
No Longer A Silent Saint,

And As It Opens,
I Begin To Step Inside,
They Come Ever Closer,
And No Where To Hide,

I Reach The Staircase,
At The Edge Of The Room,
And As I Climb It Quickly,
I Head To My Tomb,

Chorus
My Forefathers Forgive Me,
For I Have Revealed It All,
Upon That Fateful Night,
My Back Against The Wall,

And If We Shall Fail,
Let The Good Lord Strike Me,
Dead Shall I Fall,
If We Would Lose It All..

Verse IV
Once At The Top,
I Hear Them From Beneath,
I Must Hurry Quickly,
My Message I Must Bequeath,

And As They Storm The Room,
Their Muskets Held Steady,
I Whisper Aloud,
I Am Now Ready,

I Look Into Their Eyes,
And Whisper One Last Time,
And With One Final Sentence,
I Profess My Crime,

Father Please Forgive Me,
The Beacon Has Been Lit,
I Have Failed You All,
My Death Is Seen Fit..

[Eliminator]

it's all in caps

fix this

[Surtr]

I would, but I really see no point in it, if you lack the ability to read it despite it being all caps then I really don't care for your opinion.

[Eliminator]

why would you type it like that anyway

[Surtr]

No idea man :p I wrote it a while ago, and randomly found it, and I liked it, but felt I needed some help fixing anything that was wrong with it.

[Eliminator]

Okay That's Cool I Guess

[TheBigMachine]

**** man it's bloody long. I really, really, really do advise fixing the capital letters, it makes the piece hard to read.

Brb, need to turn the air con on...

K back, and jesus man Iced Earth ++

It's enjoyable, despite it's unattractiveness. The story builds and flows very rapidly and efficiently, but with that said, it feels bare and unfinished. Consider imagery - perhaps not to my extreme's(I know, I know, I struggle with personalizing my work, something you've done very well here). Also, try to steer from the power metal cliche's, they're fairly thick in the first stanza especially, with:

I Will Fight To Death,
For My Country, For Our Glory,

My Men Take Up Their Arms,
Prepared For The Oncoming Fight,

Etc etc etc. Anyway.

So you've got the structure of your piece and the idea's happening pretty well. The rhymes are a bit shaky at times, but I've seen far worse. Just flesh the piece out, add some more detail, get rid of the caps and you'll have a pretty decent piece on your hands man.

Stay metal :p

[Surtr]

Haha it's technically part of my Power Metal "Album" of lyrics..I've got a story set up with 3 sets of lyrics, so if it feels empty at the end, I'd say that's fine, since it's supposed to go right into the next song.

Thanks man.

Rep++