The Air In Which We Search For A Deeper Meaning

[DeadReligion]

Checky check check.

The Air in Which We Search For A Deeper Meaning

Night comes down upon us, like a silver hammer upon a nail.
It’s conclusive in assumed nature, devout in alleged intent.
Savoir-faire savior, and catastrophe imminent.

It washes the Earth. Bringing to us nothing but mystery.
As we dig deep, deep, for meaning. Why does it hurt us?

A moon shows the way to a city brawl.
The stars lit the luminous path, millions of miles away,
Safe and sound, hanging as if by strings.

Under a sky, beautiful intricacy in the design, crispness of the picture before you.
Constellations, drawings in the sky, remind us all of a synthetic history.
And pave and paint the road for new remedies to create tragedies.

The stars, hover above us, in pretension, in abhorrence and self-righteousness.
Can we find what we’re looking for, in a place so far beyond our own intentions?
Piety in the sky, the air which we search for a deeper meaning and omnipotence.

What have our searches brought us?
Nothing but more innuendo and estimation.

Sacrilegious stars pound at humankind’s door.
Malicious limelights, shone bright over assaults and homicides.
One such star, leans down to me, and says in an oh-so-holy way, “**** you.”

[i am the robots]

I'm sorry to say man, but please stop posting in color.

Anyhow, down to the piece.

Wow... this piece is quite powerful... the lines are long, even by my standards but nice.

In the second stanza, I'll just say: "It" should be given definition, like "This storm" or "This rain." "Why does it hurt us?" could be made better with break instead of hurt... it's much more powerful and piercing.

In the third stanza, maybe switch hanging and as if so that it reads "as if hanging by strings."

Otherwise, quite nice, chap.

[DeadReligion]

And just for a minute let's all do the bump.

[sportsfan4427]

in the first stanza i don't like the use of upon. but i really like the last line it's really clever and a nice play on words

i like the second little couplet there. it's good that you did deep, deep instead of deeper and deeper because it adds a nice element to it something a bit unexpected


Under a sky, beautiful intricacy in the design, crispness of the picture before you.
Constellations, drawings in the sky, remind us all of a synthetic history.
And pave and paint the road for new remedies to create tragedies.

this one is really good i'd maybe change the second line to something different because it flows kinda weird maybe mess around with that comma. but either way this stanza is really good

The stars, hover above us, in pretension, in abhorrence and self-righteousness.
Can we find what we’re looking for, in a place so far beyond our own intentions?
Piety in the sky, the air which we search for a deeper meaning and omnipotence.

this is good some of the bigger word just don't seem needed here but they still work fine

Sacrilegious stars pound at humankind’s door.
Malicious limelights, shone bright over assaults and homicides.
One such star, leans down to me, and says in an oh-so-holy way, “**** you.”

Great ending this is the best stanza and it's awesome you have it last. the last line is perfect