New sogn

[Ando!]

[verse 1]
The telephone wires
they are much higher
than the ground
I'm hanging around
but the phone is cordless
yet its strangling grip makes me wordless
I cannot breathe
It's like a disease
but It's more like a phone
from being all alone
LET IT END
I CAN'T DEFEND
MYSELF FROM THE STRANGULATION
DEATH BRINGS ELATION

[chorus]
The phone around my neck
sends me to the fiery pits of heck
from this world i will leave
as soon as I make it so I cannot
BREAAAATHE!

Dial 0 for operator
pull tighter for strangulator
my lungs are on fire
like a big pyre
you are a liar
you must have conspired
for me to end this way
to die on this very day
I cannot lie
I don't want to die
but now it's too late
death is my fate

LET IT END
I CAN'T DEFEND
MYSELF FROM THE STRANGULATION
DEATH BRINGS ELATION

[chorus x4]
[guitar solo]
[chorus x2]

[fade out, screaming "STRANGLEDDDD BY THE PHONE!!!"]

[Erratic]

2 Words: Forced Rhymes

[Ando!]

don't call ur sogn emoy ou nub

[DeadReligion]

don't call ur sogn emoy ou nub < Umm...what? Forced rhymes. Cliche. Lack of any sign of innovation or creativity.
The telephone wires
they are much higher
^ You don't need the "they." in fact, it disrupts the already choppy flow.

[Ando!]

yes i do

4 teh pentameter

[Walrus James]

don't call ur sogn emoy ou nub < Umm...what? Forced rhymes. Cliche. Lack of any sign of innovation or creativity.
The telephone wires
they are much higher
^ You don't need the "they." in fact, it disrupts the already choppy flow.
u don know nething about lyrics

[Ando!]

hello sarcasm james

do u liek my emo?

[Walrus James]

yeh its gud

[DeadReligion]

To Sarcasm James: At least I can spell. And I've been critting/writing lyrics/poetry for a hell of a lot longer than you, man.

To Ando: Look up literary techniques...you know...imagery, character, metaphor, simile, you seem to have plot for the most part. Shape your ideas in a way a bit more unique, using the aforementioned tools.

[Ando!]

k i will work hard and study

but i think this is good enuff for my first song I already wrote a killer guitar riff 4 it!!!

[DeadReligion]

Personally, I'd wait until I had good lyrical abilities to write a song. But it's up to you.

[Walrus James]

To Sarcasm James: At least I can spell. And I've been critting/writing lyrics/poetry for a hell of a lot longer than you, man.

To Ando: Look up literary techniques...you know...imagery, character, metaphor, simile, you seem to have plot for the most part. Shape your ideas in a way a bit more unique, using the aforementioned tools.
lol

[FIGHTCRIMEALLTHETIME]

To Sarcasm James: At least I can spell. And I've been critting/writing lyrics/poetry for a hell of a lot longer than you, man.


im gonna kick you in the nuts asshole

[semi]

this is excellent well done Ando!

[semi]

I've been critting/writing lyrics/poetry for a hell of a lot longer than you, man.
how do you know how long he has been critting/writing lyrics/poetry for?

[Abandon all hope]

The concept is good and there are very good lines, but there are also very bad ones.

My favorite line: "but the phone is cordless
yet its strangling grip makes me wordless"

Strangling grip isn't too strong there.

[FA]

lol does no one realize this isn't a real attempt at a song?

[Ando!]

lol wut do u mean False Advertising? This is srs as pie

[hope lost]

yes i do

4 teh pentameter

hahahaa such common filth juxtaposed to such a high-brow literary technique

Genious!

[semi]

Genius*

[Ando!]

lol ya srsly lern to slpell

[Nightvision]

Ugh, welcome to last year's joke, threadstarter.