Pet the child.

[Kidneylust]

Look in her face, tell her that you love her
Let her know that you, want to touch her
Shower her w/ gifts and toys
Ask her why she messing w/ boys
When you hold her face against your chest
As she fights her way to catch a breath
You shove her head where no girl should ever go
But only you and her will ever know.

As you pet the childs heart, w/ your insides
You leave a bit of you, for someone to find
Until the wings of angels, take her away
You bleed your blood in her little body

(its a start, i'll finish it later tell me what you think so far :D)

[Angelicrock]

Have you registered yet?

[Kidneylust]

registered what yet?

[Surf]

Well for a start, you need to learn to punctuate properly. A comma isn't the same as a line break, it changes the meaning. See the second line; the comma is just unnecessary. Second, why not just write with? 'w/' just looks stupid and distracts people.

In terms of the piece, its an interesting idea but is done with out finesse, so doesn't quite come off. The start is both too short and too shallow, whilst relying too heavily on cliched ideas. One or two cliches could work to set the scene, but without any original ideas it falls flat.
The second part is a problem with the structure. You focus too heavily on the abuse side of things, whereas it would be much more effective to only give this away at the ending. If you were to successfully set up two characters then invert their relationship in the final words, you work elicit something much closer to the desired response.
As it is, you focus too heavily on the abusive strand and idea and as such it looses its effectiveness. It worked as an initial shock reaction, but you're unable to sustain the momentum and it becomes boring.

Overall an interesting if not hugely original idea, but focus on the structure to make it more interesting and effective.

[Angelicrock]

As a sex offender. Thats what I got from this.

[liz123]

What Surf said.