|nuff nonsense|---Security

[FA]

“Security”
JustinBHughes
12.22.06

a crescent stole her cardinal lips,
and as she gently clenched her fists,
birds spoke outside on the windowsill.

the hills are slowly parting,
and robots water the grass so green.
I sat, watching the beautiful sky
rust into the night.

a cloud tumbled through the heavens,
showering the earth with numbers
and I washed myself away with sin.

figures bounced into the drain
where future dollars sound insane
and beams of light are racing
towards the shallow mud.

[TojesDolan]

I see very diverse, vivid imagery here, nonetheless there's no clear picture for the whole piece. The first three stanzas are awesome, very round, even considering the "dissonant" elements like the robots (nice touch there, heh) but the last stanza evokes in my opinion a more urban, metropoli (or well, slummish) image in my head, which is unfitting, considering there's no breaking point at all in there. That's just me though.

[seamantis]

Some fantastic imagery here. I especially like 'rust into the night'. Overall its pretty good but I think TojesDoLan is right. The last stanza does give more of a urban feel which doesnt fit in with the rest of the stanza's. But you could be doing that on purpose and in that case its good :)