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UNOMAS
12-24-2006, 12:51 PM
Tempest
The thunder roars in pain as she gives birth to another child
In a flash the struggle's over and the bolt has crashed,
Charring the earth and their mother's spirit, they die.

The rain, jealous, revels in the sorrow he brings
Agony in every drop that caresses your face
Mixing with the salt of your tears,
And the angry words that fill the newspaper above your head,
We are swept away in the nucleus of this tempest

more to come, not finished yet...just thought you all would have a look. and i know the title doesnt do much, im workin on that as well

DeadReligion
12-24-2006, 08:25 PM
The thunder roars in pain as she gives birth to another child
In a flash the struggle's over and the bolt has crashed,
Charring the earth and their mother's spirit, they die.^ Good, except "and their mother's spirit," Whose they? It's just not a very well written line...

The rain, jealous, revels in the sorrow he brings
Agony in every drop that caresses your face
Mixing with the salt of your tears,
And the angry words that fill the newspaper above your head,
We are swept away in the nucleus of this tempest^ Who the hell is this he? Other than that, it's good.