Rudiments are NOT getting along

[DillingerEscp]

So, why did the flam not want to hang out with the ruff ?
















































Because he was such a DRAG
LOL !

[rohbit]

*slaps Dilly once for the joke*

*slaps Dilly once again for having 'Dill' in his name*

*slaps Dilly once again because he realizes the hilarity of claiming that he was "Slapping his dilly around" *

[DillingerEscp]

*slaps Dilly once for the joke*

*slaps Dilly once again for having 'Dill' in his name*

*slaps Dilly once again because he realizes the hilarity of claiming that he was "Slapping his dilly around" *

Dilly is stronger than rohbit, dilly kills rohbit.

Seriously though, I dont see you coming up with, and posting pure comic gold jokes.

lol.

[Stickman Sam]

*sigh*

I like flam accents...

Badum-Dsss...

Do I win?

~~

[lmldrummer]

so why did the flam and the ruff jump dilly?




cause he made such a lame a** joke about them

[Josiah]

haha aww come on that was a pretty good one!

[Panopticon]

If two paradiddles are on a bus and 3 more get on, why did the bus driver die?






















































Because your mothers a whore.

[Josiah]

...ok not so funny...


Here's one -

A guy chucks a violin out the 2nd story window, it hit's a tuba player on the street down below, what do you call that?










Perfect Pitch

[lmldrummer]

What is "perfect pitch?" When you toss an accordion into the toilet bowl without hitting the rim

better one

i'm gonna have some more

EDIT* ok here we go

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? 5, 1 to change the bulb and 4 to hold the lead guitarist out of the light.:smash:

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They have machines to do that now! <<<<<<<Sad

This guy goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums. He thinks "Wow, this is cool." He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he goes to a luau, he hears drums. He tries to go to sleep, yet he hears drums.

This goes on for several nights, and gets to the point where the guy can't sleep at night because of the drums. Finally, he goes down to the front desk.

When he gets there, he asks the manager, "Hey! What's with these drums. Don't they ever stop? I can't get any sleep."

The manager says, "No! Drums must never stop. It's very bad if drums stop."

"Why?"

"When drums stop...bass solo begins."

[goalieman92]

ok. i mean no offense to anyone with this post. we need to be able to laugh at ourselves.

so. What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?





























you only have to punch instructions into a drum machine once.

[CombatWombat3]

Believe it or not, I didn't google these, these are off the top of my head


What do Ginger Baker and 7-11 coffee have in common?

-They both suck without cream


What's the difference between a drummer and a large pizza?

-A large pizza can feed a family of four


Why do guitarists put drumsticks on their dashboards?

-So they can park in handicapped parking spots


How do you know if a stage is level?

-the drool cmes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth


How do you know when a drummer is at the door?

-The knocking speeds up and they never know when to come in


How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

-4, 1 do change it and 3 to say Neil Peart could do it better


What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?

-A drum machine will stay on beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend


What do you call a drummer who just broke up with his girlfriend?

-Homeless

[CombatWombat3]

So when Buddy Rich died, they informed all of his ex-bandmates. Well, one of his old trumpet players called Buddy's house and asked for Buddy. His wife said "I'm sorry, but he died recently." So the trumpeter hung up, and called an hour later, asking for buddy. The wife was a bit taken aback, but she responded "I'm sorry, he just died recently." So he hangs up, and calls back another hour later. Finally, his widow asks "I've told you twice he's dead, why do you keep calling?" He resonded, "I know he's dead, I just like hearing it."

Also off the top of my head...

[MatthewMeredith]

Combat, you are king.

[FockerTheLopper]

So when Buddy Rich died, they informed all of his ex-bandmates. Well, one of his old trumpet players called Buddy's house and asked for Buddy. His wife said "I'm sorry, but he died recently." So the trumpeter hung up, and called an hour later, asking for buddy. The wife was a bit taken aback, but she responded "I'm sorry, he just died recently." So he hangs up, and calls back another hour later. Finally, his widow asks "I've told you twice he's dead, why do you keep calling?" He resonded, "I know he's dead, I just like hearing it."

Also off the top of my head...

ah I love that one...

What do you call a drummer with half a brain?

Gifted

Did you hear about that bassist who locked his keys in the car?

Took him 2 hours to get the drummer out

Did you hear about that bassist who had a girlfriend?

... Me either

What is going on through the average rock band members through the show.
Lead singer: Yeah, I'm so hot, I make the band look good, I'm gonna bang so many groupies tonite...
Guitarist: Big solo coming up, man, I only wish I knew what I was doing instead of focusing on taking the spotlight from the bassist... here we go
Bassist: Damn, I'm thirsty, I think I'm gonna get some water nobody will notice I'm gone, then, when I get back I'll play a wrong note so someone can hear me!
Drummer: 1 + 2 + 3 + 4 +

[Damo]

Whats the difference between a trampoline and a set of bagpipes



























You have to take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline

[zfzgg]

HAha Damo, that's the first 'new' one i've heard in an age :)

[Corkofski]

Whats the difference between a trampoline and a set of bagpipes


You have to take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline

this joke is better with "a sackful of kittens / babies" instead of bagpipes

[maniac0796]

Don't get me started on dead babie jokes...

[Corkofski]

whats the difference between a wheelbarrow full of babies and a wheelbarrow full of ping pong balls?
















you cant get the pingpong balls out with a pitchfork

[Retarded Chipple]

What the best thing about swinging a baby around on a washing line..........stopping it with a shovel!

Whats the best thing about twenty-eight years olds....................theres 20 of em!

Whats the difference between a thousand dead babies and a Ferrari.........................I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

Whats orange and sounds like a Parrot..........................a carrot.

Oh drum related thread....I see.....um........

Whats red and looks great on TrAViz Bark0rz...............................fire! lolz!!!!!one!!!!!1!!!!!omgoth!!!!!!lmao

[Dave*Grohl]

This one goes to eleven

[Sharkey Boy]

So theres a band at a practice and there having a little brek

The drummer and vocalis are standing having a chat and the bassist comes over in a sulk. Both the drummer and vocalist ask what wrong and he replies

*bassist* The guitarist de-tuned one of my strings"

*drummer* not too much of a problem isit?

*bassist* well yeah, he wont tell me which one it was!!

[Loser]

How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?




One.
(drumset) <---- added to make this drum related.

[ofDooM]

http://remo.com/upload/2006/11/11/84653619.jpeg

what do you say of this fine bassist?









hes practicing his scales!

also, a bass is able to be tuned, but I dont know if you can tuna fish!



EDIT: I just noticed the beautiful FINish on that!

these are great for playing sole music...

[Sharkey Boy]

...god damn your good.

[ofDooM]

double bass anyone?

http://remo.com/upload/2006/11/13/98013266.jpg

perhaps some bass pedals?

http://remo.com/upload/2006/11/13/92514858.jpg

[ofDooM]

I tried bass a while ago, just for the halibut and I was instantly hooked.

After a while, sadly, I never cod on and it just floundered.

I guess I was just afraid to get carp-al tunnel syndrome...



EDIT: this thread is reel fun!

:)

[Berk]

You made the thread gay.

[ofDooM]

You made the forum gay.

[Loser]

I see, we're playing a game where you lower the amount of letters in the word of the thing the person made gay by one...

You made the bike gay.

[Berk]

You made my dad gay.

[Loser]

Sorry.

[Futuro]

What do you get with two guitarists playing in unison? minor second. lol Best musician joke ever.

[Sharkey Boy]

God damn I wish I understood that joke

How do you make two guitarists sound like they are in time with each other at a gig?



Turn one of thier amps off

[Loser]

How do you hardcore dance really well?

Stick a spoon up your nose and shake it around first.

[Panopticon]

http://remo.com/upload/2006/11/11/84653619.jpeg

what do you say of this fine bassist?









hes practicing his scales!

also, a bass is able to be tuned, but I dont know if you can tuna fish!



EDIT: I just noticed the beautiful FINish on that!

these are great for playing sole music...

You butchered it...

You can tune a bass but you cant tuna fish!

[ofDooM]

pft, sorry.

[goalieman92]

ok, this one is really long so i'll shorten it.

A guy goes on vacation, hears drumming in background. Third day comes around, he's pissed. slams a local against a wall and says"What's so bad about the drums stoping?" The local responds,"When the drums stop, there is a bass solo."

[lmldrummer]

i did that one already, but the long version:thumb:

[goalieman92]

oh sorry dude. i must have overlooked your post before. my bad

[FockerTheLopper]

What do you get with two guitarists playing in unison? minor second. lol Best musician joke ever.

I don't get it why would a chromatic step up from the first be 2 lead guitarists playing in unision(hey, that was the responce I got when I posted that joke a while ago)

[Futuro]

The joke is just saying they cant tune. One guitarist happens to be a semitone off, creating a minor second with the other player.

[MatthewMeredith]

You made the forum gay.

By far the funniest part of this thread.

I don't actually agree, Berk. I just thought it was really funny.

[Futuro]

What does a metronome practice along with?

Steve gadd. :p

Dad told me that one when I visited him :)

[Brokensticks]

What did the famer say when he couldn't find his tractor????



















































Where's my tractor?!

[Inkstar]

^ I really should kill you..

but...

Why did the one armed kid fall off his bike?














Because someone threw a fridge at him.

[Futuro]

Arent these supposed to be musician jokes.....

[Brokensticks]

Wow, that was laugh our loud seriously funny. I actually did. But haha. I got another one. Better when you say it not type it but here it going.

A Kid goes up to his mother " Mom why is my name Rain?" Well because thats the first thing that fell on your head answered the mom.

Another kid goes up to his mother " Mom why is my name Leaf " Well because thats the first thing that fell on your head replies the mom.

A kid goes up to his mom and says urghasnatthy................... His mom replies......

















Shutup Fridge!

[Sunshine]

Non-musician related:

So there's two muffin's in an oven.

The first muffin turns to the second and says "Boy, it sure is hot in here."

The second muffin turns to the first and screams "AHH! TALKING MUFFIN!"

But everybody knows the muffin joke.

[Brokensticks]

pretty much haha.

[Sunshine]

I still love telling it.

In a room full of people, there's always that one person who doesn't know it or forgot they've already heard it.

And it's insanely fun to tell.

[Amit]

What do you get with two guitarists playing in unison? minor second. lol Best musician joke ever.

pfft the original (and much older) joke is with piccolos :-P

[Brokensticks]

Yah, although it's starting to get old for me. I have another one but it would take about 30 minutes to type.

[Sunshine]

Hahaha.

I know a lot, but I choose that one because it's short, sweet and to the point.

OH I 'MEMBER ANOTHER ONE.

That isn't sold out, like the muffin joke.

So there are two cows standin' in a field.

The first cow says "Moo."

And the second cow is like "Bastard, that's what I was going to say!"

Much like the muffin joke, it's so much funnier when it's told than typed.

[Brokensticks]

Aha that's one i definately have never heard. My mind just drew a blank, I've heard so many jokes and can't remember any!

[Sunshine]

Haha, I used to tell them all the time.

I know one, but it'd take forever italicising it.

The majority of words are "****."

[Retarded Chipple]

Hahaha.

I know a lot, but I choose that one because it's short, sweet and to the point.

OH I 'MEMBER ANOTHER ONE.

That isn't sold out, like the muffin joke.

So there are two cows standin' in a field.

The first cow says "Moo."

And the second cow is like "Bastard, that's what I was going to say!"

Much like the muffin joke, it's so much funnier when it's told than typed.


Two cows stood in a field...

The first cow says "you heard about this 'mad cow disease' then?"

The second cow says "doesn't bother me, I'm a helicopter"

[goalieman92]

did you here about the three eyed, 5 legged cow?




no? Me either.

[Sunshine]

Two cows stood in a field...

The first cow says "you heard about this 'mad cow disease' then?"

The second cow says "doesn't bother me, I'm a helicopter"

...what?

God I'm slow =(

---

WAIT. Two seconds after posting that, I got it.

I'm still slow =(

[HaveFaith]

not drum related.... but... i literally laugh to tears thinking about this joke sometimes.



Ok so theres this snail, and hes crawling along and minding his own business, when, all of a sudden...

*splat*

he gets stepped on by a turtle. So...

the ambulance shows up, carrys the snail away to the hospital, while there and after a few hours of surgery the snail is believed to be ok. A few more hours later the snail begins to come too and is looking up at the light and sees the doctor standing over him...

"My god man what happened?" Asks the doctor, and the snail says..

"I don't know...... It all happened so fast."

[Sunshine]

I don't know about tears, but.

Hehe.

I bet its better told than red.

[Retarded Chipple]

not drum related.... but... i literally laugh to tears thinking about this joke sometimes.



Ok so theres this snail, and hes crawling along and minding his own business, when, all of a sudden...

*splat*

he gets stepped on by a turtle. So...

the ambulance shows up, carrys the snail away to the hospital, while there and after a few hours of surgery the snail is believed to be ok. A few more hours later the snail begins to come too and is looking up at the light and sees the doctor standing over him...

"My god man what happened?" Asks the doctor, and the snail says..

"I don't know...... It all happened so fast."


:confused: :confused: :confused:

I dont get why thats so funny. Am I missing something? Maybe your tears are from how sad you are rather than how funny it is hehe :thumb:

[Sync0pation]

He's probably laughing at how stupid it is. Or maybe he has a corny sense of humor! That's always good

[Panopticon]

cuz snails are really slow thinkers and he finally figured out what happened...

he thought he just got crushed....duhhh

[Druumer89]

whats the difference between a wheelbarrow full of babies and a wheelbarrow full of ping pong balls?



you cant get the pingpong balls out with a pitchfork

i enjoyed that one

[FockerTheLopper]

What happened to the peanut walking down the street?

He got assaulted

[Caleb3221]

Back to music:
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

"Woah, dude, is it like, dark in here, or something?"

[Retarded Chipple]

A drummer walks into a bar. He starts drumming on the table, everyone gets annoyed at him and shouts "damn drummers!!!"


....yeah, I have no idea

[Sunshine]

Don't forget, boys and girls.

You can ALWAYS convert a blonde joke into a drummer joke.

Anyway, for another totally non-music-related joke...

[Read this one out loud..at least the punchline]

So there's a king, and he want's to marry his daughter off.

He calls all the strapping young men in the land to his place and says "Whoever can get the most ping pong balls gets my daughter's hand in marriage."

Strange, I know.

But they go off and collect as many as they can.

They come back on the appointed date. Some of them have bags, some of them have boxes, some of them have carriages-worth.

But there's one guy, and he's just beaten to HELL. He's missing a tooth, has two black eyes, his clothes are all ripped and torn. The guy just had a bad time of it.

The king is like, "Dude. You didn't even manage to get one little ping pong ball?"

And the guy says.

"PING PONG BALLS?! I THOUGHT YOU SAID KING-KONG'S BALLS!!"

Ba dum dum dum chhhhh.

[Panopticon]

what's brown and sticky?

















































a stick.:smash:

[Sunshine]

HAH.

Sticky.

That shouldn't've been funny, but it was.

[Trev]

Hahah, the bad jokes are always the best.

[Inkstar]

Non-musician related:

So there's two muffin's in an oven.

The first muffin turns to the second and says "Boy, it sure is hot in here."

The second muffin turns to the first and screams "AHH! TALKING MUFFIN!"

But everybody knows the muffin joke.

I actually havn't heard that one. >_>

Or maybe I have, but just in a different form.

[SeNeCa]

lol my friends favourite: how do you get the emo out of the tree?

cut the rope.. *sigh*

[Josiah]

lol my friends favourite: how do you get the emo out of the tree?

cut the rope.. *sigh*


HAHAHHAHAHHAHA


Now that is funny! hahaha

[SeNeCa]

im glad someone liked it :D

[Josiah]

I'm tell that one to the emo kids down the street next time I see em...

[Inkstar]

Hahaha do it. Or change it to "I had to cut the rope to get your friend down from my tree the other day - don't let me catch you at it again"

[Panopticon]

A drummer walks into a bar. He starts drumming on the table, everyone gets annoyed at him and shouts "damn drummers!!!"


....yeah, I have no idea

2 drummers walk into a bar...

you'd think the second one would have ducked:confused:

[Panopticon]

Why did the chick drummer have a huge bellybutton?



























Her bf was a drummer too.

[Retarded Chipple]

Why was the drummer a drummer.......









































because he couldn't play a musical instrument

[Sunshine]

Why did the chick drummer have a huge bellybutton?



Her bf was a drummer too.

Good Lord in Heaven.

Haaaah.

[Panopticon]

i've been spitting out racist jokes all day.

I'm not a racist, and i hate racists...i just think the jokes are funny.

I'm not gonna say any on here cuz i'll get banned.

[Retarded Chipple]

i've been spitting out racist jokes all day.

I'm not a racist, and i hate racists...i just think the jokes are funny.

I'm not gonna say any on here cuz i'll get banned.

Same!!! I use racist terms and jokes a lot but I'm anti-racist. People never understand either.....they really need a sense of humour rather than labeling me racist which annoys me to the max!

[oliv_da_skinmasher]

Ignore it. unless it starts gettin you a load of hassle does it matter what people think

[LoneStarDrummer]

i'm so not a racists i make sure to insult every race as much as possible. it's only racism if you insult one race and not the others. it's important to make fun of everyone including handicapped, women, children, the jewish, the muslims, everyone.

[Panopticon]

;13764618']i'm so not a racists i make sure to insult every race as much as possible. it's only racism if you insult one race and not the others. it's important to make fun of everyone including handicapped, women, children, the jewish, the muslims, everyone.

Yeah...i'm not racist...i hate everyone equally:smash:

[LoneStarDrummer]

it's the only fair way to hate:smash:

[Sunshine]

Racist jokes can be funny.

But then you have to look around 'cause you feel bad for laughin' at them.

[the_pure_drummer]

Haha lol yeah so true!

[Futuro]

Black sticks are quite a bit bigger than white sticks.

:(

/Uses white stick

[SgtBaker]

Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub. The first one says, "Pass the soap." The second one says, "No soap, radio!"

[Futuro]

A baby seal walked into a club... and asked "No soap radio?"

[LoneStarDrummer]

no soap radio?

i don't get it

[Loser]

I hope no one's said this one yet.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.

The bartender says "Hey, you've got a steering wheel in your pants"

so the pirate replies, "Yeah, it's really pissing me off."

[LoneStarDrummer]

haha

what the hell man.

[SgtBaker]

A baby seal walked into a club... and asked "No soap radio?"

Hahahahaha, best yet.

[goalieman92]

Yeah...i'm not racist...i hate everyone equally:smash:

You stole that one from me you bastard.

[Futuro]

Hahahahaha, best yet.
:) thnx

[FockerTheLopper]

I heard this one a while ago still don't get it but it stuck to me.
2 drummers walk in a bar, which is ironic because you thought the second one would have seen the first one do it.

[LoneStarDrummer]

not really much to get really. a guy walks into a pole and the second one does the same thing.

[Sunshine]

It ruins it if you tell it that way.

It's better if you just say "You'd think the second one would've ducked."

[goalieman92]

Why do drummers get all the chicks?

Because they love to see them play with their wood.

[Drummer884]

What's worse than a dead baby nailed to a tree?






A dead baby nailed to five trees.

[luckyskater820]

What's the seat behind the Shotgun called?












The Curt Cobain.

[Panopticon]

I heard this one a while ago still don't get it but it stuck to me.
2 drummers walk in a bar, which is ironic because you thought the second one would have seen the first one do it.


2 drummers walk into a bar...

you'd think the second one would have ducked:confused:


:smash:i win...

[Cocaberry]

:smash:i win...

No, you don't.

Funniest joke of the thread right here...

lol my friends favourite: how do you get the emo out of the tree?

cut the rope.. *sigh*

Winner.

[Futuro]

Two strawberries are in a tub

One asks "Hey will you pass the shampoo?"

The other one replies




"What do you think I am your typewriter?"

[luckyskater820]

What's the differance between a baby and a emo
















Babies don't cry as much.

[FockerTheLopper]

:smash:i win...

Oh I get it

[Whimsikill]

What's so great about emo haircuts? They cut themselves. (Modification of "I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.")

[The Jolly Pakistani]

What do you call one drummer at the bottom of the ocean?

A problem.

What do you call a hundred drummers at the bottom of the ocean?

A huge problem.

What do you call every drummer on earth at the bottom of the ocean?

Problem solved.


I heard it as a terrorist/brown joke but it could work for anything :p