Challenge 117 - Voting

[slack]

Small list.

d0ped0g
slack
Surf
sketchyjoe
False Advertising

Voting ends on the 12th, or when everyone's done.

[Surf]

d0ped0g - i liked the opening idea, and a great first line, but it tends to drift a bit much, loses focus, towards the end. it was good, but you have to come last, only because i can't vote for myself 4

slack - good, but not your best. i've already critted this, so i'll just give a score. 2

Surf - my entry sucked. i forgot to include the challenge word, then jammed it in at the last minute. i lose.

sketchyjoe - i'm tempted to put tl;dr. seriously, you wrote more in one verse than i did for my whole thing. major kudos. however, it did start to drag towards the end. not necesarily due to the quality of the writing dropping, more the volume of it being so high. you must be a very profilic writer, and i award you the position of 3

False Advertising - again, i've already critted this, but i like it alot. your imagery is obviously your trong point and you used the word very well. you get the number 1

[slack]

d0ped0g - I dunno, this one left me kind of cold. I didn't find the language very engaging, and I often felt like it held me at arms length. I'm guessing it's about madness, sort of revisiting the old "voices in my head" concept, and reality, instead of being an agressor (like you see in some poetry), is just something that's hard to understand; surreal, as you said. I think it goes off on too many descriptive tangents, though. The overall writing struck me as more complicated than it needed to be. 3

slack

Surf - Well I hate to do this, but I rated you last on this particular piece because of the last line. The word didn't seem that integrated (yeah it was a pain). I also didn't care for 'shades of freedom'; it's too abstract, too lofty, too much of a silly poeticism. That said, the following line totally kicked my ass with it's awesomeness. 4

sketchyjoe - ADD-boy over here. The length is impressive, but as I was reading it my attention wandered somewhat and I thought there were areas that could be trimmed down. Honestly, I think this song could be improved by cutting the length by about half. I love the repeating sentiment, though. Thoses lines really seem worthy of the repetition. Overall, it's pretty good, but needs some revision. 1

False Advertising - I like this, but the grammar in places really bugs me.a finger may dance as it,
a mirage to a friend, can erase
the text of her lips, tanglingThis might sound nice, but I don't know what it means. Is there a word missing, is there an extra word, are the commas misused--I really don't know.

Basically there was a lot of that kind of stuff, but it was enjoyable to read when everything was working. 2

[sketchyjoe]

d0ped0g = 3
slack = 1
Surf = 4
sketchyjoe
False Advertising = 2

Post if you want comments

[FA]

d0ped0g - 2

slack - 1

Surf - 4

sketchyjoe - 3

False Advertising - 0

I'll try to expand later