Something Different

[Crowley5150]

Had some inspiration of sorts - wondering what others think. Not sure how to use it yet.

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To watch your empty cup break
make up your mind before you ponder
where the timber will fall next
where will you be, when will you see
the hollow fog thats obvious to most

Don't look, your eyes that are so open
yet as closed as on your zero day
Payment for honest deception is nothing
more than the blissful, wistful sound of
hands held high in surrender.

Tell me, sell me, try hard to convince
the world of a mind unable to know
to show what you think is your own
form of life, your bladeless knife cant help
the bereft of all hope, the martyr.

[Crowley5150]

Anyone ?

[Surf]

I think the reason that you have no crits is that, whilst its by no means poorly written, there's nothing that really stands out. It seems functional where it should be engaging.

There is metaphor, imagery and all that, which is good, but there's nothing really that I could point out as interesting. It seemed a bit bland to be honest.

Sorry if this is sounding harsh, and other people may disagree, but this is the reason that I didn't crit; there wasn't much I could say.

You clearly have a grasp of the general idea of writing, but you need to make it more interesting, more original.